To think my MIL is BVU?

[WombOfOnesOwn]

Once a week, my husband and I go to his parents' house for the evening and overnight. We have a 7 month old son, and these visits have been vital to our mental health as we get at least one night with no baby wakeup each week...His father cares for the baby from 8 to 4, at which point his mother, who is a doctor and wakes very early, takes over. My son is a very good sleeper, generally 7-7, with 1 wakeup most nights, 2 occasionally, more on a bad night like post vax fever.

I have just found out my MIL last night went in at his wakeup time and, when he wouldn't settle quickly, decided to take him out of his bed, turn on the light, and play with him on the floor!

My husband and I have done our absolute best to ensure that our son's nighttime wakeups are responded to with low stimulation and no light (it is much harder for him to sleep with light). When he has these wakeups at home, we touch him gently or sing to him...at most, he gets singing, in arms, in the dark.

Apparently this is not the first time this has happened.

I am livid. Our baby has been a great sleeper and in recent weeks has seemed less so, or will greet us with his laugh that says "I want to play" instead of his usual sleepytime smile.

My husband doesn't understand why the thought of our little boy being put on the floor with the light turned on at 4 AM is making me so upset. Am I just being a crazy PFB mom? Or is my MIL absolutely daffy for even considering doing that?

[RortyCrankle]

I would add to my post that if i were your MIL and you had words with me about my apparently heinous crime, I would cancel the overnight stays forthwith.

Even I, as a non-parent cannot believe how massively fortunate you and your DH have been for your PIL to do this.

[SpareASquare]

Is this for real? You have a sleepover at the inlaws once a week so you and your husband dont have to attend to your child? So you get a sleep in? LOL

Suck it up OP or stop going. You sound way too precious and I cant believe you would even admit to that in the first place.

[IAmNotAMindReader]

If it bothers you that much look after your own child then.

Plenty of parents never get any form of break. You say he sleeps well but then in the next breath say it's vital your MIL has him so you can rest. Which is it? Because there are those of us who have had poor sleepers for years who don't understand what's so vital here? maybe it's the sleep deprivation
You are most definitely being unreasonable.
Babies can quite quickly get used to differing routines in differing environments and seeing as you had no clue about this till now, congratulations yours is one of them.

[lazydog]

Am I just being a crazy PFB mom?

Yes. Yes you are. OMG you don't have a clue how lucky you are, do you?

As someone upthread pointed out, it would have been perfectly reasonable to have posted something along the lines of "MIL has done this and I'd really like some advice about how to approach it tactfully, as I'd prefer she didn't, but I know that she's being an absolute star to help us out in this way..."

Instead you don't post anything about being appreciative of the help and describe yourself as "livid".

Just wow...

[tissuesosoft]

YABU. My 7 month old currently wakes up at about 1am every morning for the past few weeks- I have no choice but to get up myself (partner works nights). We currently live with my parents and I never ask them to take over baby duties overnight as they both work full time and it isn't fair on them to ask. Sometimes DD only wakes for 10 minutes, sometimes 2 hours where she then wants a feed. Luckily tonight she only woke for half an hour but I am finding it hard to drift back off. If i was in your position- they could turn on Peppa bloody Pig all night for all I care.

[VioletBam]

It won't affect him. YABU. My MIL did similar...broke most of my rules...thing turned out fine.

Remember that right now, your rules are vital to YOU but not to the baby or anyone else.

[WinchesterWoman]

Don't like to say it but get over yourself. If you are livid then stop the arrangement. If you say anything they'll be lovely about it but you will be massively eyerolled. I've never heard the like of this.

[hawaiibaby]

YABVVVU. And also rude and spoilt. How you can't see that is really quite beyond me. Please send your Mil over to get up with and play with my baby instead

[Palegreenstars]

Just speak to her (nicely) and ask her not to do that if you think it's impacting on his overall sleep.

Don't get angry though. They sound like they are amazing grandparents and lightening your load. Are there ways you can show how greatful you are at the same time?

I have a 5 months old who sleeps amazingly well but that doesn't mean it's not challenging in its own way considering it's all new (although I constantly remind myself how easy it must be by comparison). Particularly days when she's screaming all day haha.

Maybe try keeping the baby with you when you go there and just handing over in the morning or if it's a tough night. That way you've still got lots of lovely support on hand but you can remain in control.

[claraschu]

YABVU for all the reasons above.

Also, remember that babies' sleeping patterns change as they get older. Most of them go through some times when they wake more or wake earlier before settling into a new pattern. It is entirely possible that his recent waking has nothing to do with MIL.

[seven201]

Wow your pil are so nice! You just need to tell her not to play with him or turn the light on and that if he won't settle to wake you up. My nephew woke in the night when my dad was looking after him and asked for a book in the night which my dad obliged. My sister then had to deal with her boy whining for his book every night when he woke for weeks. People mean well and to some that's how they would raise their own (fair enough). I think lucid is an overreaction unless you think she's been doing it so she gets a chance to play with him!

[Whatthefreakinwhatnow]

Bloody hell, you are being massively unreasonable!

Your PIL do an overnight weekly and you want to complain?!

If you don't like it, don't stay there. Simple.

Babies sleep patterns change constantly, I doubt his change in sleep haso anything at all to do with MIL.

Dd2 is 15 months, she used to sleep til 7 at that age too, probably til she was 10 or 11 months. Now it's between 4 and 5, wide awake for the day. Sounds like your son is similar, as many many young kids are , right through the toddler years.

[SleepymamaJapan]

"Once a week, my husband and I go to his parents' house for the evening and overnight. "

The only thing I see which is unreasonable is this statement. Beggars can't be choosers, especially when your begging on a weekly basis.

[leopardgecko]

WOW. Like others have said I have never come across someone who has this level of help and support like this. Every 7 days you have a night off - that's amazingly supportive and kind of them. Though as you say how vital it is for your mental health, I assume you and your partner have health issues to need this so much, especially as your DS is such an excellent sleeper. With that in mind I hope the following is not being unkind, when I do not know why you need this "so vital" help. What wonderful ILs you have to help in this way, especially as your MIL has such an important job herself.

I believe YABVU. It sounds as if your lovely MIL was just trying to keep the little one quiet so you and your partner can have your vital sleep. Unless there is more to this story then I took it as a lovely gesture of hers.

I look after my grandson in the day while his parents work full time and my DD and DSIL would casually mention it they wanted me to do, or not do, something specific, which of course I then would. But, like I did with my parents/ILs when they babysat, they trust me enough to let me look after him my way. Although as I say they would mention something if necessary, and that's no problem at all.

So, as this is an important issue to you, then do mention it to your MIL, nicely. And, like others say, if you do not approve of how they look after your son, then you could of course look after him ourself for 7 nights a week, instead of 6. However, I mainly think you should be hugely grateful and thankful that they are being so generous with their time.

[Motherfuckers]

If your baby is such a good sleeper, why do you need overnight care? Although it doesn't really sound like he is actually a good sleeper at all, if he is still waking 1-2 times every night! If I had a waker like that, I would have been very grateful for overnight care and would suck up your MIL's decisions. Or you could do the night wakings yourself?

[GinIsIn]

Firstly, your post makes no sense - you have a good sleeper who goes 7-7 with maybe 1 wake up but feel the need to decamp to your PILs overnight EVERY WEEK?!

Secondly, what is wrong with you?! She's not your staff!! The level of support your PILs provide is above and beyond what 99% of people have and you should be incredibly grateful, not 'livid'. Don't like the way your MIL does things? GET A NIGHT NANNY of its all that vital!

[CoYoAddict]

Having them be night nurse to your son once a week isn't 'vital' to your MH for gods sake, what nonsense. How do you suppose the rest of us with no such service manage to stay reasonably sane?

Personally I don't consider a 7 month old who still wakes once in the night
sometimes twice a good sleeper. To me a good sleeper at 7 months is one who goes through the night, every night unless he's poorly.

But as you do think he's a good sleeper, quite why you feel the need to stay at your PILS once a week to avail yourself of this service I'm not sure.

I don't think what your MIL did was ideal but to be honest I think it's down to the person who is getting up to him to decide how to handle it. If you don't like the way other people do it then do it yourself. Sorted.

[winewolfhowls]

My son was waking every two hours at that age, every night....

[AyeAmarok]

YABR(idiculous).

If you don't like how they do it, do it yourself.

[ohdearme1958]

Today 00:36 MumOnTheRunCatchingUp

Don't let her have him then?

You say your son is a good sleeper...... but also say them having him is 'vital'

Which is it?

That's some contradiction.

[steff13]

I think it's down to the person who is getting up to him to decide how to handle it.

I think this is the crux of it right here. The person getting up with him decides how to handle him. If you want it done your way, you do it. Simple.

[AmeliaJack]

You only have one baby? Who mostly sleeps through?

I really don't understand why two adults need a weekly overnight for their mental health?

Unless you have some other issues I'm afraid I'm rather unsympathetic.

The solution is clearly to stop handing off responsibly for your child.

[Charlie97]

You are being VVVVVVVU!

Look after your own child, don't pass responsibility every week!

[puglife15]

I'm hoping this is a wind up, as the mother of a 7 month old who wakes up to 10 times a night, a nearly 4 year old who often wakes once or twice, and who has never had anyone look after either overnight.

I wouldn't be thrilled by someone playing with the baby at 4am in your situation but I'd also realise how lucky I was and suck it up.

[princesspineapple]

Seriously though, OP, are you and your DH okay? To need a break once a week from a baby who sleeps the magic 7-7 with the odd wake up "for your mental health" seems very drastic.
Assuming that you otherwise have no MH issues, YABVU. As PPs have said, you don't know how lucky you are! If you don't like it, don't go. If someone is doing you a favour like this you can't be livid that it's not all done your way.
I've not had a night off since DD was born in March... Send your MIL this way with all the toys she can carry!