To think my MIL is BVU?

[WombOfOnesOwn]

Once a week, my husband and I go to his parents' house for the evening and overnight. We have a 7 month old son, and these visits have been vital to our mental health as we get at least one night with no baby wakeup each week...His father cares for the baby from 8 to 4, at which point his mother, who is a doctor and wakes very early, takes over. My son is a very good sleeper, generally 7-7, with 1 wakeup most nights, 2 occasionally, more on a bad night like post vax fever.

I have just found out my MIL last night went in at his wakeup time and, when he wouldn't settle quickly, decided to take him out of his bed, turn on the light, and play with him on the floor!

My husband and I have done our absolute best to ensure that our son's nighttime wakeups are responded to with low stimulation and no light (it is much harder for him to sleep with light). When he has these wakeups at home, we touch him gently or sing to him...at most, he gets singing, in arms, in the dark.

Apparently this is not the first time this has happened.

I am livid. Our baby has been a great sleeper and in recent weeks has seemed less so, or will greet us with his laugh that says "I want to play" instead of his usual sleepytime smile.

My husband doesn't understand why the thought of our little boy being put on the floor with the light turned on at 4 AM is making me so upset. Am I just being a crazy PFB mom? Or is my MIL absolutely daffy for even considering doing that?

[Ditsy4]

I had four children...no one got up to them. No one had them over night. The eldest was a poorly baby who woke about five times a night, the second work once or twice but was up at five( still an early riser age 30+), third woke several times and the third work twice and I had kids to get to school and be at college by 9am.

I can't believe you are complaining about this.
Either ask her if she could keep to low level or stay home and look after your own kid!

[Longlost10]

This has to be a reverse, surely

[Ditsy4]

No one else got up to them it should have said.
Obviously I did. DH didn't get up either for first two, he had a late/ early hour finish at work. Later on by DS3 and DD he was away for weeks at a time.

[MoreCoffeeNow]

YABVU

They are doing you a massive favour.

[ohdearme1958]

Im flumoxed by the while post but I can well say understand the OP not wanting the baby of getting into the habit of playtime during the night.

But as a granny of 6 who has her grandchildren a lot because I love to have them - I must admit that getting up with a wee one in the middle of the night can be when you do daft things like playing with them instead of settling them back down.

[IceTippedMountains]

Your MIL is doing you a HUGE favour so you either have two options; cancel the arrangement or suck it up.

I honestly have no clue why you need to decamp at your MIL weekly when your baby sleeps 7-7 (bar the odd wake up) because you must be getting a decent night's sleep if that is case.

But then again, nothing could tempt me into staying the night at my MIL's weekly, even with a night of baby duties.

[IceTippedMountains]

*night off baby duties...

[phillipp]

I think what she did isn't ideal.

However I think you are being very unreasonable. If your son generally sleeps 7-7, why do you need someone else to have him one night a week?

Surely it would be better to keep him in your routine. Since he sleeps to well.

You are treating her like some sort of paid help.

[bloodymaria]

Surely you are on the wind up?! Look after him yourself if you don't like it! MIL has done nothing wrong, sometimes babies sleep, sometimes they don't. Maybe he's teething.

these visits have been vital to our mental health as we get at least one night with no baby wakeup each week

Unless there's a drip feed coming and you have existing MH issues, this is a piss take.

[iluvsummer]

You ABVVU to be honest and sounding a bit like a spoilt brat. I have a 5 year old who is only just sleeping through and a 16 week old baby, a husband who works night and before I went on maternity was working full time. I, like thousands of other parents just had to get on with it. You said do sleeps 7-7 and only wakes once, well that's part and parcel of being a parent...you get up with your dc. If you don't like what she's doing...do it yourself!!

[Ausernotanumber]

Either he sleeps with one wake up or he doesn't and you need a night for your mental health. You can't have it both ways. Why can't you and your partner just alternate nights?

She should stop doing it for you.

You are being very very unreasonable.

[mellongoose]

Sorry OP I agree with most other posters here.

We are also lucky enough to have amazing GP support. My rule is "anything granny needs to do to get through night/day is fine with me". I'm so utterly grateful for their help and love to see the bond between them and dd.

They raised their own children brilliantly and I am new to it.

As for a child's routine, one night in every seven won't spoil all your hard work

[mellongoose]

Sorry OP I agree with most other posters here.

We are also lucky enough to have amazing GP support. My rule is "anything granny needs to do to get through night/day is fine with me". I'm so utterly grateful for their help and love to see the bond between them and dd.

They raised their own children brilliantly and I am new to it.

As for a child's routine, one night in every seven won't spoil all your hard work

[ChickenSalad]

YANBU if it affects the rest of his sleep patterns when PIL are not looking after him. If it doesn't then enjoy your one night of unbroken sleep and unclench about them "doing it wrong". If it does then broach the subject verrry carfeully. You don't want to lose their support.

PIL always had DDs one day a week while we were at work and it used to annoy me with DD1 that they sometimes didn't let her have a nap and I was left with an exhausted, angry little toddler who then wouldn't sleep at her normal bedtime.

[Ausernotanumber]

And I find it odd that you need his father babysitting from 8pm. Surely you don't go to bed that early? Your child is not, by the account you give, a bad sleeper.

[ScaredAboutTheFuture]

12 hrs sleep with only one wake up....and you need help!!!

Think you need to wo-man up and sort out the real issue of why two adults can't even cope with that

[wheresthel1ght]

I afraid o agree with everyone else, you are being supremely entitled and unreasonable.

My dd is 3 and hasn't slept through the night ever. And I can literally count on 1 hand the number of nights she has spent away from us.

Your contradictions have already been flagged up but seriously you pil are doing you an amazing thing for you. Get over yourself

[BoomBoomsCousin]

When my twins were 8 months, two months after we had got them to sleep through the night, my PILs volunteered to start coming over every fortnight to babysit while my DH and I went out. It seemed like a dream come true. But my MIL apparently couldn't bear to hear her DGC even murmer and when we got back at 10:30 she was in the bedroom with the light on singing and playing with the. It was fantastic of her and lovely and she is a great grandmother. But I could have murdered her! They were wide awake and after my PIL had left it took me over four hours to get them to sleep again. They didn't sleep through the night again for nearly a week. My MIL swore the girls must have been sick they were so vocal, but there really was no sign of anything at all unusual before we went out or in the days following. I think she just could resist playing with them when she thought they might respond to her and since she wasn't going to have to cope with the results of a disrupted routine she didn't try to hold back.

We didn't have the PIL back to babysit until the girls were 1.

They are still fantastic PIL and I love them to bits. But if I think back to that night when we came and saw the bedroom light on, I still feel a tiny bit murderous.

So your MIL probably isn't being U. You probably are. And I'm with you all the way. There's no way to be reasonable when you're desperate for sleep.

[Bexta147]

Wow OP you sound like a spoilt brat!

If your son sleeps 7-7 then you do not need someone else to get up with him. If getting to lie in until 7am isn't enough for you, go to bed earlier!

YABVU. God help you when he's a toddler and 5am wake ups for the day are the norm!

[Dazedandconfusedtoomuchpeppa]

I can't even believe this is real. No one could be that ungrateful. Yes, what she's doing isn't ideal but they are being incredibly helpful abd kind. Unless there's a reason you can't cope on your own (illness or something) I think you are being vvvvu to whinge

[Whocansay]

YABU. Utterly. Your PIL are trying to help you out. Your MIL is doing this so you aren't disturbed FFS! If you don't like it, get up and look after your own child and let her go back to bed.

[PeggyMitchell123]

Yes it's not ideal your mil gets up and plays with him but your kid is not a bad sleeper and they are helping you sleep uninturrupted one night a week. Mention it to your mil but honestly I wouldn't be complaining too much.

My son is now 3 and has never slept 7-7, anyone can play with him at 4 am as long as I am a sleep!

[cedricsneer]

As someone up-thread said, what else is going on that this is vital to your mental health? With one7 month old baby who sleeps pretty well, I can only imagine there are other issues, which may shed a different light on this.

V v unreasonable otherwise.

[Fuckingbollocksbugger]

Yabu. If your son is a good sleeper why is it "vital" for your health they look after him?!