To think my MIL is BVU?

[WombOfOnesOwn]

Once a week, my husband and I go to his parents' house for the evening and overnight. We have a 7 month old son, and these visits have been vital to our mental health as we get at least one night with no baby wakeup each week...His father cares for the baby from 8 to 4, at which point his mother, who is a doctor and wakes very early, takes over. My son is a very good sleeper, generally 7-7, with 1 wakeup most nights, 2 occasionally, more on a bad night like post vax fever.

I have just found out my MIL last night went in at his wakeup time and, when he wouldn't settle quickly, decided to take him out of his bed, turn on the light, and play with him on the floor!

My husband and I have done our absolute best to ensure that our son's nighttime wakeups are responded to with low stimulation and no light (it is much harder for him to sleep with light). When he has these wakeups at home, we touch him gently or sing to him...at most, he gets singing, in arms, in the dark.

Apparently this is not the first time this has happened.

I am livid. Our baby has been a great sleeper and in recent weeks has seemed less so, or will greet us with his laugh that says "I want to play" instead of his usual sleepytime smile.

My husband doesn't understand why the thought of our little boy being put on the floor with the light turned on at 4 AM is making me so upset. Am I just being a crazy PFB mom? Or is my MIL absolutely daffy for even considering doing that?

[puglife15]

Even if OP does have mental health issues eg PND or anxiety, and I hope she doesn't, lots of us still have to cope with that AND no sleep AND no support.

Obviously not an ideal situation (I should know - I'm in it) but it doesn't excuse the OP from having any self awareness IMO.

[Doggity]

Nothing much to add except I sense a massive drip feed coming on.

[AmeliaJack]

CoolCarrie why? What does it explain?

[CoolCarrie]

PP, that explains a lot...! 😊

[Fluffsnuts]

OP lives in America so is likely in bed or at work!

[Soubriquet]

There you go!

[Mozfan1]

soub you're right, I wasn't thinking. Or the mother in law has the brass neck to give the kid a biscuit. No wonder we have a generation of obese kids.

[Soubriquet]

Lets probably a drip feed of more mil bashing 'she gives him slices of Apple but he prefers orange segments

No no no. She's that neglectful she doesn't even cut the apple up! Gives it to him whole

[QueenLizIII]

these visits have been vital to our mental health as we get at least one night with no baby wakeup each week...

You know most parents get none of that right? They are stuck with caring for the child they chose to have at night.

My son is a very good sleeper, generally 7-7, with 1 wakeup most nights, 2 occasionally

So if he only wakes up once a night why the hell do you need support once a week that is vital to you? Then you complain about the care that is given.

One of my friends babies woke every hour or two until he was over one. She was a Dr and had to deal with that.

You dont know you're born op. Stop staying over there and care for your child the way you want it done.

[Roussette]

I'm pretty sure she is not a reasonable person! What is reasonable about criticising a lovely MIL who looks after her baby one night a week - week in week out - and then probably goes off exhausted to do her job as a Doctor whilst Mum lies in!?

This is all me me me (unless there really is more to this)

[Mozfan1]

Lets probably a drip feed of more mil bashing 'she gives him slices of Apple but he prefers orange segments'

[LetsJunglyJumpToIt]

I don't think the OP is coming back, or at least not without a huge drip feed.

[WinchesterWoman]

Can't blame her: it's really hard being told you're not in the right when you feel very angry and justified about something. I'm sure she's a reasonable person - most people are - and will read and digest.

[hmcAsWas]

OP has not been back

[trafalgargal]

I'm wondering if both parents work and this "mental health" actually means "so we can function at work the next day" although one parent woken once a night wouldn't damage most people's working ability that much. I'm way past the baby stage but if I'm woken in the night by noise (or OH snoring) I still manage to work a nine hour shift the next day. If the OP is on ML or a SAH however then it's batshit nuts.

[Ruletheroost]

Baby sleeps through for 12hrs with maybe one wake up 2 at a push! Please do share your secret I'm on my 4th yet still haven't been lucky enough to figure it out.
PIL are doing you a favour, stop being so ungrateful. Besides MIL playing in the night with baby once a week is hardly going to cause massive disruption to sleep.

[DeputyPecksBentBeak]

There's more to this, surely?

To be honest, I wouldn't want my DC's playing at that time either, but you're expecting someone else to look after them then you have to accept that not everything they do will be how you do it. Your pil's are doing you a massive favour, and they're most likely following most of your wishes, save for this one. Fair enough if you don't like the way they do things, but similarly don't expect them to look after your DS every week and, you know, do it yourself

[VeryBitchyRestingFace]

Chances are OP is the long suffering grandma and this is a reverse.

I so hate reverses.

[TheHubblesWindscreenWipers]

If you'd like to swap PILs then just let me know...

Ds wakes from every twenty mins to (rarely) every couple of hours and he's one. Never had a night off or more than a few hours away as we are not near family. Not had a sleep of more than a couple of hours for almost two years (I was very sick during pregnancy.)
Unless there's another issue such as one of you being ill or disabled so you need the break, then yabu.
Your mil sounds amazing. I'd be so so thankful if I had a night a week like this.

[Threebedsemii]

I have literally no idea why this would be a big deal.

You're very lucky they help you, he sleeps well and you get a night a week totally "off".

[LagunaBubbles]

Looks like op is having her weekly lie in

[hardheadedwoman]

Yabvu

But - if you are that bothered why not say something like 'oh DS has been going downhill sleep-wise, he's being a nightmare. We're trying a new tactic of being v quiet and boring to see if it helps'

Then she might stop but with no offence caused

[furryminkymoo]

You say at wake time, in your OP, are you sure that she mean't that she actually turned the light on to play at 4am?

Don't be livid, you are getting a massive help here, just ask her not to get him out of the cot until 0700 due to routine.

[Mozfan1]

Looks like op is having her weekly lie in