To think my MIL is BVU?

[WombOfOnesOwn]

Once a week, my husband and I go to his parents' house for the evening and overnight. We have a 7 month old son, and these visits have been vital to our mental health as we get at least one night with no baby wakeup each week...His father cares for the baby from 8 to 4, at which point his mother, who is a doctor and wakes very early, takes over. My son is a very good sleeper, generally 7-7, with 1 wakeup most nights, 2 occasionally, more on a bad night like post vax fever.

I have just found out my MIL last night went in at his wakeup time and, when he wouldn't settle quickly, decided to take him out of his bed, turn on the light, and play with him on the floor!

My husband and I have done our absolute best to ensure that our son's nighttime wakeups are responded to with low stimulation and no light (it is much harder for him to sleep with light). When he has these wakeups at home, we touch him gently or sing to him...at most, he gets singing, in arms, in the dark.

Apparently this is not the first time this has happened.

I am livid. Our baby has been a great sleeper and in recent weeks has seemed less so, or will greet us with his laugh that says "I want to play" instead of his usual sleepytime smile.

My husband doesn't understand why the thought of our little boy being put on the floor with the light turned on at 4 AM is making me so upset. Am I just being a crazy PFB mom? Or is my MIL absolutely daffy for even considering doing that?

[eurochick]

I think everyone involved is being a bit unreasonable! It's not helpful for your mil to be teaching your baby that 4am is playtime. But as others have pointed out, you are incredibly lucky to have these overnights. I don't know anyone who does. I think it would be reasonable to have a nice word with your mil about not teaching your baby that nighttime wake ups are not for play, whilst assuring her how grateful you are that she gets up when the baby wakes!

[Roussette]

I'd be livid too.

With you. Your MIL who is kind enough to put up with interrupted sleep one night a week, week in, week out, one morning started playing with her grandson at 4am. She probably didn't get anymore sleep until she went off to her job as a Doctor. And possibly being the age she is, I can tell you, that sleep gets harder the older you are and she probably took 2-3 days to get over the interrupted night with your Grandson and then realised it was only 2 days until she was going to repeat the whole process again.

Of course, you can gently suggest she doesn't take your son out the cot but my god you need to tread carefully given what your marvellous MIL is doing for you. I can't work out why in the name of all that is holy, you actually need this, unless there are more issues than you are saying.

I shake my head in despair at some MIL threads on here I really do. And dread becoming one.

[HeteronormativeHaybales]

'Vital to your mental health'?
How the fuck do you think people without once-a-week nighttime childcare manage?
Good God.
And as for the controlling PFB 'low stimulation' stuff...

[FiveGoMadInDorset]

Like PP have said, unless there is a back story about your mental health then I am afraid you either need to suck it up or stop the overnight visits. You are incredibly lucky to have a good sleeping baby and in laws who want to help to give you a nights sleep

[Mozfan1]

YABU. Just sooooo U I can't quite believe it.

[Embolio]

OP your PIL sound amazing, honestly just appreciate what you've got. My ds2 is 3 and has only started sleeping through in the last week (thank you preschool) and no one has ever had any of mine overnight, although DH and I take turns if it's really bad/one of them is sick.

I don't actually think it's unreasonable to put the light on if a child won't settle, they can have a disturbed night or for any number of reasons or -even worse- periods of sleep regression.

Just enjoy the weekly rest, you don't know you're born!

[MarcelineTheVampire]

So let me get this straight, once a week you go to your PILs for a 'break' and they fully care for your child during this time? And your MIL, who works in a stressful job as a doctor gets up early to see to YOUR son?

And you are livid because she's not done something to your liking? Stop being so ridiculously entitled, talk to her or stop going round every week, you don't have to go.

[Chinnygirl]

You sound very spoiled. Give your MIL a rest and care for your own baby.

[00100001]

[Redlocks28]

Stay in your own house with your child who is a 'very good sleeper' and stop complaining!

[blueturtle6]

You trust her to look after him, so trust her to have her own rules. From personal experience there are some nights my dd, just won't settle and an hour playing is much much better for both of us than several hours unsettled and crying.
YABVU and have fab in laws

[NorksAreMessy]

[LetsJunglyJumpToIt]

Why if you get sleep 7-7 with one possible wake up do you need a night off each week? Do you know how good a sleep that is? Unless there's some massive back story regarding your mental health. My toddler has been wide awake since 4.45am so I'm short on sympathy.

[ShutUpBaz]

This has got to be a reverse. Noone would actually think like this. Would they?

Anyway, YABU. Your MIL sounds wonderful and you sound bonkersly PFB.

Unless there are some serious MH issues that necessitate this 'vital' unbroken sleep, then stop going if she won't comply with your wishes. You are getting more sleep than most parents dream of. Your attitude towards your MIL in this situation is saddening and horrible.

Get over yourselves.

[NicknameUsed]

Where has the OP gone?

[Mozfan1]

My 9 month old ds sleeps 9-6.30 every day... I feel like the luckiest woman alive! And if my mother in law took him for a night, although I love him, I would kiss her fucking feet. Not slag her off for doing things her way!!!!

[Mozfan1]

Nickname with any luck we have embarrassed her into realising what a good thing she's got going there.

[Ausernotanumber]

How are you ever going to cope if you have 2 and the toddler is up for the day at 6? Or if you have to be up at 6.30 and out the house by 7.30 to go to work? Or the sat am early rise for school rugby drop off?

[ShutUpBaz]

Or her lovely MIL has spotted OP slagging her off and has called her out.

[Blueberry234]

YABU

[Mozfan1]

Yes Baz! She could wave goodbye to the cushty little set up she's got if that happened 😂

[1potato2potato3potato4]

A baby's sleep patterns will change during the first year, have you read any of the sleep regression threads?
MIL playing with him between 4-7 won't make a blind but of difference.
Your post doesn't really make sense you contradict yourself a lot.
It's eye wateringly unreasonable to be making such a big deal out of this. Are you OK in yourself? I found having DD1 much much harder than any of the others as the change from none to one is the biggest IMO, I went a little nuts. Wish I'd chilled out and enjoyed it more.

[EdmundCleverClogs]

Just for perspective, in the year since my child was born the longest I've left them with another person is three hours. You are very lucky to have family around you to do this weekly! Hope you appreciate that Daily Mail journo OP.

[Littleballerina]

Send your PIL here. They sound fabulous.
I expect that 4am play means the world to your MIL, no one else is awake and it's their nanny/ grandson time.

[lastqueenofscotland]

YABU and a total brat