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AIBU?

To not want MIL to kiss my baby on the lips?

153 replies

Firsttimer82 · 29/09/2016 20:40

To be clear I have no problem with parents who kiss their babies/children on the lips, but we never did it in my family. We cuddle, there is a lot of formal and informal forehead kissing that goes on and plenty of cheek kissing. I have DS who is our only child so far and apart from when he launches himself open mouthed onto my face at random like babies do I have not gone in for lip kissing. I hadn't really thought about it until this week.

MIL has been to stay and has repeatedly grabbed the baby and kissed him on the lips. AAAArrrrrgh!!!! Ds clearly doesn't like it and I said to dh in the spirit of you control your parents i'll control mine, to get her to stop. He said "I'll tell her if she does it again." She did it again and no word from dh. It was all I could do to not push her onto the floor Miranda style! AIBU? Its flared up my instincts!!! How do I stop her?

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Sunshineonacloudyday · 29/09/2016 22:47

callycat1 I was going to write something else I do see you're point oral sex would make me think twice about kissing my children on the mouth. I don't do oral sex is that what the op is worried about possibly. Her mil is still at it.

callycat1 · 29/09/2016 22:49

I wasn't thinking about oral sex. Just that I personally have only ever known kisses on the mouth as in the context of a sexual relationship and therefore one that's totally inappropriate in other contexts.

Grim.

HuskyLover1 · 29/09/2016 22:50

callycat, we are not talking SNOGGING. Oh I give up.

Smartiepants79 · 29/09/2016 22:50

She's his grandmother. She loves him. He's only going to be this little for so long. In a few months he'll be able to run away if he doesn't want to be kissed. Making a big deal about this will only hurt her and lead to bad feeling between you.
I would let it go if I was you.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 29/09/2016 22:51

callycat1 then you're comment is sad and ridiculous and I feel sorry for you.

callycat1 · 29/09/2016 22:51

It doesn't have to be snogging.

The point is some people feel uncomfortable with it. You don't, fine, kiss your children on the mouth if you want. You had a great MIL, carry on. But don't expect everyone to feel the same.

Pagwatch · 29/09/2016 22:51

Good grief.
If kissing on the mouth is instantly screaming SEX in your head, you have bigger fish to fry.

[odd as fuck]

callycat1 · 29/09/2016 22:52

Personally I feel sorry for the poor babies who have to put up with an adults spit and slobber all over their poor faces but whatever :)

callycat1 · 29/09/2016 22:53

Well yeah the only people who have kissed me on the mouth have had sex with me pagwatch.

So I'm not comfortable with it being done to my baby. Doesn't mean I'm saying you can't do it to yours.

Firsttimer82 · 29/09/2016 22:54

Husky that is sad, i'm sorry. I try very hard with MIL, She is a very difficult woman and consequently her family stay away. I try my best I promise... I just don't like this new form of affection!

Sun if MIL is still up for OS with FIL at 70plus then good luck to them!!

OP posts:

Sunshineonacloudyday · 29/09/2016 22:55

callycat1 not once have I ever slobbered all over my children's faces when they were babies they slobber all over me. What kind of relationship do you have with you're children if you have any. Even the op in her post said that he grabs and kisses her face and she must be covered in slobber by the time he is finished.

AnythingMcAnythingface · 29/09/2016 22:56

We are a mouth kiss family. I'm from an originally very unaffectionate family and I just love it! It's just so healthy to feel all that love and express it. Big hugs, kisses, stroking hair, tummy raspberries, tickle fights...

Most gorgeous thing to watch my beautiful DC melt my mothers frozen heart! Even she (brrrr) now returns her dgc mouth kisses!

I LOVE my family so much that if I didn't externally show it somehow I would burst!

TopsyGrim2 · 29/09/2016 22:56

My god. I've genuinely never read or heard anything like this. A grandma kissing her baby grandchild on the lips is horrendous. Bloody hell. Pull yourselves together, you really should be so lucky, in so many ways.

callycat1 · 29/09/2016 22:56

No sunshine I was being slightly ironic in response to your rather rude 'you're (sic) comment is sad and ridiculous and I feel sorry for you.'

Pagwatch · 29/09/2016 22:57

Calmly at

I was responding to the thread, not directly to you.

And that's the thrust of the whole thread isn't it?

Not wanting to kiss on the mouth is a personal choice.

Looking at what is in every other way a benign and family relationship and seeing a kiss on the mouth as sexual/icky is odd.

Firsttimer82 · 29/09/2016 22:58

Big hugs, kisses, stroking hair, tummy raspberries, tickle fights

Yes to all above... I'm not a cold fish...

OP posts:

Pagwatch · 29/09/2016 22:58

[sigh]
Obviously 'Calmly at' was cocking auto correct.

callycat1 · 29/09/2016 22:59

Fair enough but I imagine you can understand why I thought your comment was aimed at me.

I don't think it's odd. If someone tried to kiss your child with tongues you'd think that inappropriate no matter how benign the rest of the relationship, that's what mouth kissing is akin to for some people.

CodyKing · 29/09/2016 23:00

Yuck! You don't like it and baby doesn't like it - how does she not see that?

Slobbery baby kisses on your face is you've let alone you mouth

Tell her to stop ! Or jump up and wipe him mouth ever time - or hers

Crispspsps · 29/09/2016 23:01

First it sounds like there are other issues there. I have them with my own ILs. But kissing a small child on the lips - my 4yo insists on it regularly. Sometimes I have to back off because he has a mouthful of breadcrumbs and I am coeliac and have to be careful, but otherwise I love that he wants to kiss me any which way. He is small and needs lots of love.

Your DC is much smaller than my littlest, though, and can't speak his mind, so I guess it's down to your comfort zone.

I think I'm in a similar space to you - many issues with certain in-laws (I have lots, long story) and it comes out in things that wouldn't normally be an issue.

callycat1 · 29/09/2016 23:01

I am. Most of the above make me shudder a bit. Don't like them. It's just individual feelings isn't it and you can't explain them you just know you don't like them.

I don't mind other families being different if they love tickle fights and blowing raspberries great but don't make me do them and tell me I'm a bad person for not liking them.

Firsttimer82 · 29/09/2016 23:02

Just so we are all aware... I do not think that MIL is trying to snog my baby...

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Pagwatch · 29/09/2016 23:03

Sure. We all have personal comfort zones. But a grandmother kissing a baby in the mouth is benign and I'm just not sure trying to link it to sexuality is useful.
It's an incredibly unpleasant inference. I'd rather use my ability to work through my personal I mines rather than justify being negative about a manifestation of affection.

tibbawyrots · 29/09/2016 23:03

Lip kissing is for sexual partners not children.

Ugh!

Pagwatch · 29/09/2016 23:05

[sigh]

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