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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want MIL to kiss my baby on the lips?

153 replies

Firsttimer82 · 29/09/2016 20:40

To be clear I have no problem with parents who kiss their babies/children on the lips, but we never did it in my family. We cuddle, there is a lot of formal and informal forehead kissing that goes on and plenty of cheek kissing. I have DS who is our only child so far and apart from when he launches himself open mouthed onto my face at random like babies do I have not gone in for lip kissing. I hadn't really thought about it until this week.

MIL has been to stay and has repeatedly grabbed the baby and kissed him on the lips. AAAArrrrrgh!!!! Ds clearly doesn't like it and I said to dh in the spirit of you control your parents i'll control mine, to get her to stop. He said "I'll tell her if she does it again." She did it again and no word from dh. It was all I could do to not push her onto the floor Miranda style! AIBU? Its flared up my instincts!!! How do I stop her?

OP posts:
HuskyLover1 · 29/09/2016 21:55

Fucking ridiculous, that a Nanna can't kiss their grandchild on the lips. Why? Thank god you're not in Syria with bigger worries than this.

callycat1 · 29/09/2016 21:55

Weird comment

Oysterbabe · 29/09/2016 21:55

Next time you're saying goodbye to her kiss her tenderly on the lips, maybe she'll get the hint.

myownprivateidaho · 29/09/2016 22:07

I think it's fine if you want to stop her. However, I can see why your DH would be reluctant to step in -- she's obviously doing it innocently and lovingly, and might be very upset and embarrassed if asked to stop. It has to be broached very sensitively as she hasn't done anything wrong. I think you have to think of a strategy.

unicornthong · 29/09/2016 22:09

Jesus what a fucking monster, how DARE she shower her baby grandson with affection Hmm

Sounds to me like you're the one with the problem, not your infant DS. It find it weird that people see kissing babies as weird. And you've implied it's not germs you're worried about so what exactly is it?

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 29/09/2016 22:09

DP and I kiss DD on the lips but I wouldn't like MIL doing it. Even worse when other random family members do it.

WetsTheFinger · 29/09/2016 22:11

So unreasonable. HmmConfused

Original poster
Firsttimer82 · 29/09/2016 22:15

Thank god you're not in Syria with bigger worries than this

Confused
OP posts:
Original poster
Firsttimer82 · 29/09/2016 22:22

Oysterbabe - its a good plan. Might be a bit whiskery...

unicornthong - I just think its a bit unnecessary to hold a wriggling childs face and make them kiss you on the lips, when they don't want to and their parents don't. I don't think she is a fucking monster (apart from the fact she told her whole side of her family that I had PND when I has asked her not too... Grrr....) I know she is showing love, but... CAN'T SHE JUST KISS HIM ON THE HEAD!!!!!!!!! And breathe.....

OP posts:
MulberryBush12 · 29/09/2016 22:23

here
This is why nobody should kiss babies on the lips. Their immune systems are so delicate.
You're definitely NOT BU OP. Your MIL may not have a visible cold sore but unfortunately, she could be at the lip-tingly stage, infectious but not visible.

You're going to have to nip this in the bud, forehead kissing from now on.

srslylikeomg · 29/09/2016 22:29

Call 101 get this logged. Then you have a record of all the times she has shown your son love and affection with her invisible mouth germs, and her 'not actually related to you but related to the baby so you better suck it up princess' attitude should social services get involved: it's all on paper.

Pagwatch · 29/09/2016 22:32

Definitely get it logged.

You should def go NC. I suspect she's a narc.

HuskyLover1 · 29/09/2016 22:32

Your MIL is your childs biological grandmother. She gave birth to your husband and raised him to be the man he is today. All while you were in nappies. Seriously, cut her some slack. If you and your DH died tomorrow, in some freak accident, she's most likely one of a very very small number of people who would volunteer to raise your child. There is so much MIL hatred on MN, it's so awful.

callycat1 · 29/09/2016 22:33

There is a happy thought!

suspiciousofgoldfish · 29/09/2016 22:33

I don't know why this bothers me but it does.
It just does.
Can't you make up some shit about it being a health risk?

Thankfully, none of my family have been brought up to show any physical affection so in this scenario - phew!

callycat1 · 29/09/2016 22:34

It would make me feel sick tbh it really would.

MulberryBush12 · 29/09/2016 22:37

Jesus what a fucking monster, how DARE she shower her baby grandson with affection hmm
^
The MIL can shower the baby with affection in another way, one that doesn't potentially threaten his health -however well-meaning.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 29/09/2016 22:38

There is nothing wrong with germs it makes their immune system stronger and they are less likely to be ill. You need to relax I don't have family around me to kiss my children on the mouth. From you're last post it does sound as if you have the problem and not you're husband she said you have PND. Stop trying to take control and enjoy you're family its not a big deal. Maybe it wouldn't hurt you speaking to you're doctor about how you feel get it all of you're chest. These are very emotional times I have 4 children so I know be careful not to offend or upset you're family. Honestly I don't see what the problem is you have a lovely family around you not everyone has that.

PickachuPurrlease · 29/09/2016 22:39

I must have missed the part where the OP said she HATES her MIL...

It's the OP's child if she doesn't like it, and there is actually a good reason why kissing babies on lips isn't a good idea then it quite simply shouldn't happen.

It's got nothing to do with the fact the person doing it is her MIL it could be anybody, it just happens to be the OP's MIL.

Original poster
Firsttimer82 · 29/09/2016 22:39

If you and your DH died tomorrow, in some freak accident, she's most likely one of a very very small number of people who would volunteer to raise your child

Husky... Yeah.... no.... Its all in the will where he goes and it isn't there...

She is a tough MIL anyway... I'm glad you sound like you have a good one though...

OP posts:
Sunshineonacloudyday · 29/09/2016 22:39

Can't you make up some shit about it being a health risk?

Her mil was a mother herself what is she going to teach her.

callycat1 · 29/09/2016 22:39

I don't have family around me either but if any of them kissed me or my baby on the mouth I'd go mad. That's for sex and has no place around babies

Amethyst81 · 29/09/2016 22:42

I don't see the harm here, some babies are so scrummy and she is close family. If she's still doing when he's a teen fair enough but I think right now I wouldntvsay anything, pick your battles OP.

Newtothis2017 · 29/09/2016 22:45

I have 3 dc and I will kiss them on their lips as long as they are happy with that. There is nothing wrong with a little kiss on the lips

HuskyLover1 · 29/09/2016 22:46

I don't have family around me either but if any of them kissed me or my baby on the mouth I'd go mad. That's for sex and has no place around babies

REALLY? I the nicest way possible, you have issues. When my (now adult) children were toddlers, I loved their kisses. Nothing sexual whatsoever, OBVIOUSLY!

What a bloody sad world.

She is a tough MIL anyway... I'm glad you sound like you have a good one though

Nope, she was taken from us at just 61. Please try to see your MILS good points. Please.