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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What is the rudest thing a fellow parent has said to you?

360 replies

weresquirrel · 28/09/2016 21:41

Another parent whose child is in my child's class made a comment about my younger child being ugly Confused. It didn't register at first (I think I was in shock) and I only really took in her comment an hour or so after she had said it.

What is the rudest thing a fellow parent has said to you?

OP posts:
Maudlinmaud · 29/09/2016 10:40

My eldest had difficulty with literacy at primary school. They never discovered why but has improved and got A* in her gcse english. In primary school the teacher was very frank with me and said "well, at least she wouldnt leave school completely illiterate and would be able to read a menu"

NotCitrus · 29/09/2016 10:45

Obnoxious SIL, who has an only child: "I suppose it's OK that you have so many children you can't afford private schools, because your children wouldn't really benefit from a good education anyway."

I did clarify that yes, she was assuming my kids would be thick because DP and I didn't go to Oxford.

Because we went to Cambridge instead. (and the kids would benefit from a good education no matter what!)

Sgtmajormummy · 29/09/2016 11:04

My kids are bilingual and have to study English as a second language at school.

One mother I know by sight came up to me and said: "My DS's 9/10 in English is worth more than your DD's 10/10 because he had to WORK for it!". And stalked off.

Shock
Sgtmajormummy · 29/09/2016 11:09

On the subject of "ugly" babies.
My neighbours hate each other. When one was showing off her newborn spider monkey DGD, the neighbour said: "She looks just like her grandmother... Ugly!"
That baby is now a 4yo stunner, a bit like Anne Hathaway.

PoppyBirdOnAWire · 29/09/2016 11:12

A 4 year old who looks like Anne Hathaway? Really? Wow.

HazelBite · 29/09/2016 11:30

One of my Ds's is called Patrick, a friend thought she was being absolutely hilarious as she had thought of a good nickname for him "Pat-brat" he was an absolute sweetie and there was nothing bratty about it, she thought she was being very witty/clever and laughed every time she said it, I was really quite upset but never said anything.
Thing was no-one else in the group got her "wit" or repeated it and she dropped it after a few weeks, when no-one laughed at her nickname.

RhodaBorrocks · 29/09/2016 11:34

"You probably shouldn't have another, you don't want more like [DS]." DS has very high functioning Aspergers and is awesome. And even the paediatrician thinks it came from XDP's side, not that it matters. Thanks Mum!

ExMIL - Everything was supposedly from XDP/her side of the family (apart from the Aspergers), even though DS is a mini me and built like my DF's side of the family. If anything came from my side she said "But that's not an important thing!"

I've had the "He doesn't look autistic" one too many times. Sorry, what is he meant to look like?

"Doesn't he have a deep voice for a toddler?! I much prefer it when they are all high pitched." Some twat at a toddler group.

"Oh but [DS] birth wasn't a happy event, because he wasn't planned and you weren't married like X and Y and Z." Also my Mum. ODFOD.

(On my considering a sperm donor for a hypothetical DC2) "Why would you even think about being a single Mum willingly?" Perhaps because I've been one for 10 years and I'm 35 years old? And because I can't be arsed having a relationship after being single for 6 years.

MalcolmTuckersEyebrows · 29/09/2016 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Myownperson · 29/09/2016 13:36

2 weeks after having DC2, collecting DC1 from preschool (baby at home)..."Have you had the baby yet?" Grin

KERALA1 · 29/09/2016 13:45

Cold comfort to the working mums of small children but can cut the other way. I was at a wedding on my own whilst pregnant and with a toddler (who were not there). Got seated with another couple, he was English she was Scandinavian, she was also pregnant and had a not there toddler.

Polite conversation so I was forced to say I was taking a career break from being a corporate lawyer (horrid job killer hours international travel). My god. The rest of the meal was spent by them getting at me for being a SAHM. My brain will rot. How will my office manage without me (ha easily it was a massive corporate monolith). On and on. Every time I tried to change the subject it was changed back to the wrongness of my decision. I was on my own and pregnant and went back to my hotel room and cried. I would NEVER criticise someone elses choice on that its so personal.

LadyBaelish · 29/09/2016 13:46

The Mum of a another boy on DS1's year 8 football team commented that I "must be glad he decided to cut his hair, you wouldn't have wanted him to be gay would you?" I was too Shock and Hmm to point out that 1) his hair length would have no bearing on his sexuality and 2) I wouldn't give a flying fuck if he was gay!

LadyBaelish · 29/09/2016 13:48

Posted early! Meant to say I think I just muttered something about "I'm not sure that's how it works and it wouldn't really matter anyway..."

RhiWrites · 29/09/2016 14:21

Some of these are so horrible, there must be something wrong with someone to be so nasty. Fairmac, yours made me cry. I'm sorry for your loss.

Some may have been a case of foot in mouth and I sympathise with the woman who couldn't take the squealing toddler. That noise goes right through me and I work in a construction zone.

But the ableism, the racism, the classism of some of these comments. Why are people so vile?

Worst I've heard "of course none of these children will be going to Oxbridge" said of a bunch of state school kids... by a teacher.

IdaBattersea · 29/09/2016 16:51

Telling me all about an article on the concept of 'middle class neglect' (mothers who work) and how they agreed with it, I was a working mum of 2

Lymmmummy · 29/09/2016 17:04

Oh god some of these are so awful they are funny -

How can people be so insensitive! And plain nasty?

Have never had a rude comment directly at my DC but I did have an awful experience where we bumped into one of DS nursery friends at an event he knew the child but i did not know the mother - at the time he was an only child and the boys mother made me feel extremely uncomfortable by saying - oh is he the youngest oh then he is the oldest then - ie made me feel quite embarrassed - at the time DS was an only - and then when I said we only had one she looked enormously shocked - I really don't know why people even ask this or what business it is if theirs - I know for a fact she was divorced as it was the boys father and his new partner who had brought the boy to my sons b-day party but I would never dream if saying oh are you married - how awful you divorced type thing with a shocked face on

kensausage13 · 29/09/2016 18:01

My DS has long hair and we are always getting comments from various people such as 'ooh when are you going to cut this off then?', 'ah he looks like a girl', 'won't he get bullied at school for having long hair?' etc etc.
People's ordacity blows me away. It really does. Mind your own bloody business!! Angry

kensausage13 · 29/09/2016 18:02

Audacity* oops! Lol

nerdymum · 29/09/2016 19:10

Mine are very tamed compared to some of the posts here... Perhaps because my DD is still a small baby.
Some people are truly awful!

One pearl of wisdom "You hold the baby too much and that'a why she's whiny". Said by a taxi driver. My DD was 16 weeks old and getting hungry.
He also went on about her name and the fact that she seemed too active (she's a bad napper) "you better watch that, she might be hyperactive".
I didn't give him a tip.

Also from a not-too-close friend 3 months post-partum: "Whoa, you REALLY look big now".
I'm a size 10-12. DD is now 17 weeks old and EBF. Sorry I haven't been hitting the gym hard.

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 29/09/2016 19:35

Overhead in a spa changing room yesterday, a lady of around 60 discussing her daughter in law LOUDLY to a friend; "of course she's Indian, but you wouldn't know it, luckily" 😧

Then she discussed how surprised both she and another son were at the very good job that that son's wife had just got.

Should you intervene when you can't help hearing someone being so rude and racist like that, or wind your neck in? I was too shocked to say anything, but I think I probably should have.

greenfolder · 29/09/2016 19:45

Of course Shannon is our only child. So we take more care of her and worry about her more.

Yes. Our second child is disposable

Middleoftheroad · 29/09/2016 19:50

Are your boys still geeks?

Also one mother went all psycho on me outside gate claiming people had been talkinh about her. Then she got my number called me at home. I had to get DH to tell her DH to leave me alone. My friends fidnt see this and now she acts like butter wouldnt melt. We don't talk. (Cos she's loopy) and our kids are pals. Awkward!

Reebs123 · 30/09/2016 17:35

A certain relative has a problem with me & this has extended to my DD1. She never has anything nice to say about her. Whenever my neice & daughter was in the same room this relative would comment how my neice looked so pretty (even when she was in her Primark dress- nothing wrong with that) but my daughter could be wearing a pretty Next dress but wouldn't receive no compliment. I used to buy expensive dresses for a while but went back to my usual shops (Matalan & Asda). DD1 is 6 but still no compliments. Some people are just plain mean.

StrandedStarfish · 30/09/2016 17:35

He's blonde and you two have dark hair. Are you sure that he is the father?

Reebs123 · 30/09/2016 17:37

Somebody asked a relative if my cute DD was pretty. She replied "she looks like her mum". Now what is that meant to mean? That I'm ugly? Funny thing is this relative is plain ugly. Won't go into details but felt like saying "Have you looked in a mirror?"

hanahsaunt · 30/09/2016 17:50

I have 4 dc. Mum at tennis said 'your children all look quite different [true]; do they have the same father?'

(For the record -yes they do)