To cut my husband's ****edited by MNHQ**** with blunt scissors?

[Pinkbabe1]

So my husband works shifts and this week it is his early shift - he is gone from the house by 5am. I came down this morning to find he had left his iPhone on the worktop. As I was making breakfast for DC's I pressed the home button on his phone to check the time and saw an unread message from my best friend of 27 years saying "is she in bed yet?".

Now, it's my birthday next week so I thought they were arranging some special surprise for me. So left it as that. Dropped the kids off at school but something was niggling at me, I just had this feeling in my gut. His iPhone has got a passcode which I don't know. On my third attempt, by pure and utter luck, I managed to guess it right and get into his phone. What I have seen has made me sick to my stomach. My "friend" has been sending my husband dirty naked pics of herself - full on legs spread and sex toys involved. There are no replies or conversation from him but then I guess these can be deleted??? I noticed he's saved the pictures to his camera roll also - presumably for quick access. I have no idea if they have met - I can't think straight at the moment it feels like everything is in slow motion

My husband NEVER leaves his phone at home so I suspect this was a mistake. I've currently packed all his bags and I am just about to post the pictures of my "friend" on Facebook with a tag saying "you are welcome to him"

I don't know what to do

Fucking hell OP! I admire your drive. I wonder what his excuse for being 3 hours late will be?

Where on earth is your husband hiding? How has he been 'tipped off' if he doesn't have a phone with him?

Is there a friend he could have to?

It really seems as if he knows you've found out and is afraid to face the consequences.

Dh Hasn't done anything wrong? How on earth are you getting that?

I'm sorry op, this sucks.

OP, I'm so sorry that this has been done to you, what a horrific betrayal on two sides. I'm glad your MIL is being supportive, hopefully your H comes home soon and you can do what you need to do. As for the derailing, seriously? OP has had the most horrific day and all people can argue about is semantics? Fuck me, get some perspective and a fucking grip!

I cannot believe he has gone into hiding.

I really can't imagine what you are feeling.

He knows I know. There is no other excuse for him being this late. He knows me and I know him like the back of my hand, he knows I won't take any shit and he knows that any form of cheating and lying he's out the door which is why he won't come home

He has clearly found out through somebody -her presumably. Can he access social media on a work computer or tablet? Would she have managed to get hold of him at work when you sent her the photos? Running scared, definitely.

People aren't criticising cultural terms which can be applied to both sexes, as you put it Buck. They're criticising the misogynistic ones. And of course the OP doesn't have to care about vocab, no one expects that. But other people challenge misogynistic language, as you would racist, disablist or homophobic language. I'm not sure why you think it should get a free pass.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT I'm so sorry OP you're a better person than me I'd have chopped it off, rammed his phone up his arse then gone round to her house and kicked seven shades of shit out of her before I'd even let it sink in! Who needs enemies hey

Did anyone try to text his phone? You've still got that with you haven't you? That would surely be the first thing someone would do to let him know you knew.

I think we can assume he knows you know. And probably from her. Does her DH know where she is at the mo?

You've handled everything right so far OP. I hope when he comes home he doesn't play it down as though it was 'harmless' or 'nothing' as that is so bloody rude and patronising. And do not let him start doing the classic of twisting shit round and confusing the situation so YOU end up apologising for this shit hole of a situation. Some men are bloody good at that game.

Stay strong....

I would imagine he's definitely got wind of this by now and is trying to avoid/work out a story, OP. Sorry you're going through this.

He could have emailed her from work to say I've left phone at home...she emails him later to say 'she knows'...

I'm sorry he hasn't come back op. That's shit.

Exactly ayeokthen, this is someone's life and feelings.

ButtonBoo "Does her DH know where she is at the mo?"

Yes, he said she's at home with the kids.

Or maybe he's realised he left his phone at home with all the evidence? If his wife can't manage to track him down or contact him I doubt the OW has!

When I my ex finally admitted to cheating on me, he literally ran away. Legged it down the street. I didn't speak to him until the following day. I spent a sleepless night waiting for him to walk through the door but we didn't speak until late the following day.

Completely empathise with the frustration of not being able to have the confrontation you desperately need right now. Regardless of what's gone on, he is a coward. You don't need that.

Tiredmumno1 exactly! The people preaching about misogynistic language against a marriage wrecking, disloyal, poisonous, selfish bitch clearly don't consider that kicking a woman when she's having the worst day of her life to be anything to worry about! More concerned with politically correct terminology.

He likely knows you would have found his phone.

Is his phone synced to anything else?

My dp's phone, computer, tablet and Xbox account are synced, so he would see if anyone say for example read a message or email if he had access to any of the devices that are synced.

So say he was on his computer and I opened a message on his phone he would see it.

He wouldn't have a problem if I did although I never feel the need but obviously your husband wouldn't want that!

Your doing really really well op!

I'm afraid I think her husband is deluding himself if he's convinced it's only photos and nothing else. And OP's husband is going to latch on to that excuse like shit to a blanket

I know her husband said that she wouldn't meet them for sex, but the message you said that he sent her about finding it hard to stop, but she keeps handing it to him on a plate sounds awfully suspicious. Perhaps husband tells himself what he needs to think so he can stay with her.

I'm so sorry op.
Both arse holes.
Think rationally whilst he's not home.
Screenshot everything and email yourself them.
You said you've moved money and packed bags.
Is there anything else you can do now to help yourself?
Can your mil keep the kids overnight so when he does return you can talk? If the kids come back first then he arrived back you can't tan as kids are there.
Have you checked his emails?
Don't let him have his phone back until you've talked.
Good luck. Hope he's home soon so you can have it out then kick him out.

OP Hard but please try hard stay calm as you can. If your bottom line is that cheating & it's over, then it's clearly over and I too would be packing his bags. Massive hand-holding

Those of you more pre-occupied with pulling others up about their language/terminology might be better placed to start a debate elsewhere on MN vis their use, as I cannot see ANY of those posts being of the slightest benefit to OP here - OP and her DC right now being the most important people in this situation ANDOP having posted on here for support/advice/hand-holding.

Again OP, just vast un-MN {{{hugs}}} for you and immense strength to you

People saying the OW DH is horrible for keeping quiet are out of order really. Plenty of times people say don't tell the wronged spouse, it's none of your business, etc etc.

He decided to do what he thought was best. He has been cheated on as well and made his own choices.