Not invited to friend's wedding. What to do?

[backtothegrindstone]

An old friend has not invited me to their wedding and I'm feeling upset. We were flat mates at uni and whilst we're not close enough to call each other all the time, 18 years later we still see each other from time to time. She came to my wedding 6 years ago, and also to both my kids christenings and we have occasional play dates with our kids and they go to each others birthday parties. I know her fiancée well enough too. I was really surprised not to be invited to her wedding but have been biding my time in case a late invite comes through. The wedding is this weekend and nothing has arrived. It's not your conventional wedding- more if a creative, festival/woodland type thing so I can't imagine numbers are heavily limited and another friend who i'd have considered less close to them has been invited. Frankly, I'm really quite upset, especially as she's posting about it on Facebook every ten minutes. I know it's not good form to say anything right now and spoil her wedding, but at some point after I would like her to understand that I am upset about it. I'm not good at confrontation and o don't think I could approach her face to face or on the phone but at the very least I'd really like to make a quite pointed dig when commenting on her Facebook photos when the wedding pics go up. Im quite sure that if I'm not invited to her wedding then clearly the friendship doesn't mean enough to her to be worth continuing with so I then intend to unfriendly her and be done with the friendship for ever. But what's a good thing to say?

Ideas for a really good comment please!!!

I wouldn't post anything other than congratulations on her fb

'See you on the other side' is really cold, almost as bad as 'See you around'.

Backtothegrindstone you know the £££££s that you would have spent on a really thoughtful wedding present?
Well, go spend it on a treat for yourself...for being such a loyal, good friend.
You deserve it. (Her very foolish loss)

In about a year, host a Thing and invite all your mutual friends.

Don't invite her.

Petty? Oh yes. But fun.

I've been in this position really close friend I saw all the time/ went on holiday with etc. Just got invited to evening do, DH not invited at all, was miles away. Other friends that weren't so close got invited (together with oh to whole day). We see each other occasionally now. General consensus was wife didn't like me, but led to me feeling v indifferent toward someone who was a very close friend before

These things do hurt but I agree with Francesniadova and puglife's advice. If you follow that you'll feel better in no time.

Hopefully the marriage won't last anyway. That would be horribly satisfying too. (Wicked)

Contact her and say that you would like to come (-:

Sad for you OP but it happens. While you still see and hear all about the wedding preparations etc you'll continue to be upset but you will get over the hurt. Put your energy into better friendships.

Dont make snippy comments on fb, no dignity in that.

This happened to me with my identical twin sister. I was maid of honour at her first wedding, then was not invited to her second wedding whilst the rest of the town was. Do you know I was hurt but got over it. (we were on holiday that week anyway) I politely wished her well, sent her a lovely card and gift and stepped back.
Last year I got married. didnt tell many folk, eloped to Gretna, 4 guests-parents. I didnt expect her to jump for joy, but I certainly did not expect to be slagged on social media to my friends and family. I looked a knob and nobody gave a fuck (and worse) according to her. That hurt. I was in pieces. It hurt worse than not being invited to her wedding.
I think you just say congrats, wish them well and turn away. No pointed comments, just go with disinterest. If you see her, smile, nod and carry on.
have some wine

Absolutely I'd be hurt by this and can totally understand why you are, OP.

Not a nice feeling being excluded from a big event like this from someone you deemed a very good friend. Her message response was another kick in the teeth too.

'See you in the other side' , no love, ta ta!

*on

I can understand why you're feeling so hurt OP.

A close family member is marrying soon, she's having 100 day guests. We've always been close despite an age difference, she's actually named after me and I looked after her often from when she was a baby and in turn she babysat for my children when she was old enough.
Basically I see her as the niece I've never had and we've stayed close even though she now lives 250 miles away.
Her brother married last year and had a similarly sized wedding, and apart from his immediate family there were 14 of us other family members invited, those less close were just there in the evening.
Anyway, invitations have gone out and we're just invited to the evening. She's only invited two aunts and two uncles plus her five immediate family members to the day even though her venue is local(ish) to us and she's coming 'home' to get married.

I was really hurt when I found out as she's always been included in anything I've organised. I've recently been to the venue for another wedding and really don't think I can be bothered with the 1 hour drive there down unlit narrow country lanes just to stand around trying to get served at a ridiculously expensive bar while the staff ignore anyone over 30.

I will send a card and wish her well and remember in future that she doesn't regard me as close family so will change my contact with her accordingly.

wow. that would hurt my feelings too, OP. i don't know whether confronting on Facebook would be right idea though- how about write her a wedding card to her and the groom and heavily hint such as "i hope you enjoy your day" and "you sure have picked a nice venue". apologies if these things have already been suggested

OP,
Don't waste your time in thinking too much about this as its really not worth it.

Congratulate her but be honest when you feel the time is right and say you felt hurt not to be invited especially as you've included her in your own important family events in the past. Barbed comments only start drama and increase Ill feeling on both sides.

Please don't make a fb dig. Someone who I used to be friendly with (but then we drifted apart, didn't hear from her for months at a time unless I got in touch) asked where her invite was. I apologised and said I was sorry we hadn't been able to invite her due to numbers.
I got nasty messages then a fb dig on a photo... And actually rather than being someone I saw and caught up with from time to time,I didn't get in touch again.
You can't invite everyone and the line has to be drawn somewhere.

OP has said more than once she is not going to say anything on FB. There's been many a time you feel like you want to make a sarky comment to someone somewhere, but you don't do it and I'm sure this thread has been a help to be able to vent a bit.

"See you on the other side" means "I am far too busy organising this wedding to bother with you, I may or may not get in touch afterwards when it is all over to bore you with the photos."

I have been thinking about this and wonder if it is a new "thing" to not invite people so that you can get off on their FOMO feelings about your fabulous event. There is a thread on AIBU going at the moment about a poster's DC who has a frenemy who made a big show of not inviting her to a party and then spent the whole party texting her saying how fab it was and didn't she wish she was there. This is a little reminiscent. I wonder if people read about parties/nightclubs that are sooo exclusive that some people aren't allowed in and long to be invited, and they are trying to make their own social events similar.

Just a thought . . .

I think there must be something in that Balloon. After all, what sane person would want to hurt a friend? I worry if I've ever been a bit unthinking with my best friend and I put it right. As does she.

Yet this bride to be is almost getting off on all of this. Why isn't she sensitively explaining to backtothe why she can't ask her to the wedding. Because she's a thoughtless cow, that's why.

I think making a comment that makes it clear you expected to be invited is quite rude - while you maybe hoped to be included, you can't really expect to be invited to anything. Weddings are expensive and even if the venue doesn't warrant a limit to numbers they still have to pay to feed everyone!
You are entitled to be upset, but you shouldn't try to make her feel bad for not inviting you.

BalloonSlayer that was brilliant analysis. I think you are spot on...

I totally understand where you're coming from, OP. Your feelings are absolutely valid and it hurts to realise that dearly held friendships aren't reciprocated. I think you've dealt with this really well actually

Some years ago, a friend that I've known for years that I truly considered my best friend didn't invite me to her hen do and that was like a dagger in the guts. We lived in different towns but were definitely in touch and saw each other as regularly as possible. I completely misunderstood how much our relationship had meant to her and it gutted me for quite a long time afterwards. I felt stupid and hurt, and we are not close friends now. Facebook has a lot to answer for.

I think you can send her your congratulations and say how much you wish you were coming and that you know if she had the wherewithal you would have been invited by her and to have a wonderful day and you will have to catch up after the wedding to see the photos. That will make her think ! Not being nasty just being truthful

Leonard, I'm acutely aware how expensive weddings are. I paid for her to attend my own. And two christening parties. And my children's birthday parties..... but hey, who's counting!