Not invited to friend's wedding. What to do?

[backtothegrindstone]

An old friend has not invited me to their wedding and I'm feeling upset. We were flat mates at uni and whilst we're not close enough to call each other all the time, 18 years later we still see each other from time to time. She came to my wedding 6 years ago, and also to both my kids christenings and we have occasional play dates with our kids and they go to each others birthday parties. I know her fiancée well enough too. I was really surprised not to be invited to her wedding but have been biding my time in case a late invite comes through. The wedding is this weekend and nothing has arrived. It's not your conventional wedding- more if a creative, festival/woodland type thing so I can't imagine numbers are heavily limited and another friend who i'd have considered less close to them has been invited. Frankly, I'm really quite upset, especially as she's posting about it on Facebook every ten minutes. I know it's not good form to say anything right now and spoil her wedding, but at some point after I would like her to understand that I am upset about it. I'm not good at confrontation and o don't think I could approach her face to face or on the phone but at the very least I'd really like to make a quite pointed dig when commenting on her Facebook photos when the wedding pics go up. Im quite sure that if I'm not invited to her wedding then clearly the friendship doesn't mean enough to her to be worth continuing with so I then intend to unfriendly her and be done with the friendship for ever. But what's a good thing to say?

Ideas for a really good comment please!!!

Heidi, I'm still tempted to reply to her "see you on the other side" comment with a "wish we could have been there to share it with you". Still not sure.

Heidi, I'm still tempted to reply to her "see you on the other side" comment with a "wish we could have been there to share it with you". Still not sure.

Don't. Just stop following her instead.

Tempting but don't
Also very tempting would be to email a little pic of your wedding, with you and her together if you have one, with an 'seems like only yesterday' or something equally cheesy wording.
I'd want to....but wouldn't

I'd also stop looking at all her wedding posting etc.

I am a tight-arsed miseryguts, who hopes to go through life without going to any weddings at all, but along with the happiness of not needing an excuse, I'd still feel left-out in your situation. I don't think you're being unreasonable. There's nothing you can reasonably do about it though.

i like the reply 'i think not' and masses of smiley faces and kisses. sometimes rising above it all is awfully boring. not to mention dissatisfying. go for it!! and then report back

Eddie

I guess Id be tempted to reply to the "see you on the other side" comment with:

"LOL"

or

"On the other side of what?" (If she replies "of the wedding" you could then say, "Still don't get it. There's no 'other side' of the wedding for me as you didn't invite me. I guess you were just talking about yourself")

Eddie, you made me laugh. My kind of thinking. So tempting!

OP I completely understand why you are disappointed, YANBU to feel sad.
.....but, I do think that you would be mad to lose a friendship over this. You haven't seen her for best part of a year but are good friends with her. You have said that you don't know their friends at all, which suggests that you wouldn't be considered a close friend by the Groom, for example.
It isn't just her wedding: it is theirs....and there will be limited numbers...and the guest list will have had to be agreed between the two of them and cause no rifts within the respective families first and foremost. There will be an old friends of the groom who didn't get an invitation either. They just couldn't fit everyone in and had to draw a line.
This does not mean that your friendship means any less to her than it did before, just that as a couple they felt your family (of 4?) could not be accommodated on the day.
I completely understand your disappointment, but it isn't a decision not to invite you as such. I'm sure it would have been a decision whom to invite up to the allowed numbers. Don't lose your friendship over this.

Send her some texts the day after the wedding:

"Hello from the other side"

"I must have called a thousand times"

"To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done"

"But when I call you never seem to be home"

"Hello from the outside"

"At least I can say that I've tried"

"To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart"

"But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore"

Go out in crazy style.

OP when was the last time you actually saw your friend? Has it been over a year,two years, 6 months or fairly recently?

when decorating my hall, a year after my wedding, I found 2 invitations behind the hall table!!, I was mortified, they weren't to close friends, but I did wonder after the event why I hadn't had an rsvp, and I have since had them to other family events, I had to eat humble pie and produce the dusty rank envelopes as proof that they weren't overlooked from my guest list, we had a laugh over it, but there is a slight possibility that your invite has gone awol.

Being dignified is the boring option, but the better one.

If she gets in touch after the wedding to meet up etc, there's no harm in all at expressing your surprise that she got in touch at all, given that you weren't invited to the wedding and thought it meant the friendship was a dud. Then depending on what she says, she's either still someone you'll see on occasion or she's not.

thoughts the OP is a real person behind a keyboard, clearly hurt at being excluded, who hasn't demonstrated any sign of being "hard work". That was really an unhelpful post.

I last saw her three months ago I guess. I also know her fiancée fairly well and sent business his way as well as helping him with personal stuff.

Surely if you have friends that you can't invite to your wedding because you are limited by finances or numbers, you phone the people involved and explain. Would that not solve a lot of issues? Friend sounds like hard work...

thoughts
Maybe she didn't invite you because you're hard work?

What makes you say that, are you just being nasty for the sake of it?

I don't think OP sounds hard work either. She sounds lovely. I posted a while back saying it was maybe a small wedding. Have now updated and think your friend is really insensitive at best.

Sod it. Send the 'wish we could be there to share it with you'. It sounds like the friendship is doomed anyway, why not just be honest? She'd be a stone cold bitch not to feel bad at that and you'd get an answer to why you aren't invited probably.

Why isn't anyone allowed to feel hurt on MN anymore without being labelled "hard work". That's just mean.

As the OP said, it isn't a small wedding, it's a woodland glen thing with room and there are others invited who have had far less contact with the bride and groom than the OP. She is quite within her rights to feel hurt.

Bollox to rising above it & saying nothing at all, IMHO that route is for fools who like to be walked over. The friendship is already dead in the water, the op is hurt by the lack of invite & the Bridezilla has her head too far up her own backside to either notice or care that she has openly snubbed the OP, why would a friendship survive that without a real heartfelt apology, unless you are a complete mug who likes letting "friends" walk all over you

I agree with not making a big deal of if on FB, there no dignity in that, but I disagree with doing nothing at all & waiting patiently to see if this "friend" contacts you again - bollox to that!

I would reply to the "see you on the other side" message though, with something like "oh, don't you worry yourself about that, I got your message loud & clear, so no need for false pleasantries & promises. Enjoy your wedding & I might see you around someday"

That's an awesome response RockInHippy!