To think the whole family should all eat the same meals at dinner

[emodi]

I am a working mum to ds10 and dd7 . At present I cook one hot meal at night and have a pretty fixed time table for dinners . I was quite surprised yesterday when my DH started saying I don't cook specially for him and that after work I should be cooking him something separate as he is "older" at 45 so he needs more fish and white meat . Kids are allergic to fish . My job is quite busy with late nights and on calls and I usually cook in bulk I was wondering if that's what most people do . Growing up my mum cooked one meal for all of us and we all ate what we were given . I can't imagine cooking different meals for us. What do the rest of you do?

One meal, and no reason why it should be always you cooking it.

But, that one meal should be proper family food, with a wide range of meat, fish, herbs, spices, vegetables etc, and not constant spag bol, bangers and mash, pasta or other similar kiddy food. It's unreasonable, for example, for your husband to never have fish, just because the children are allergic. A normal, varied menu should be planned (which for most families would include fish once or twice a week at least) and then the children's fish substituted for something else (e.g chicken breast, duck breast, pork chop etc) if the children are actually allergic. (If they just don't like fish, then I'd just take the like it or lump it approach).

IMO, there are pretty much no foods that are not suitable for children 1+, excepting any allergies. So I would (and did) serve meat, fish, salads, curries, squid etc as family meals from the outset. The bangers and mash or pasta and sauce type meals are OK for a speedy one off, but not suitable for every day, for either adults or children.

So he is BU for expecting you to do all the cooking, and for expecting you to cook something especially for him, but NBU to expect a full range of varied food, suitable for adults to be served.

That's what I don't understand Chip. Why do some people, generally women, feel obliged to cook for other capable adults, and either prioritise the non-cooks likes and dislikes or get all guilty and hand-wringing if the person sat expectedly with an empty plate isn't getting what they want?

Look at all the 'DH is away tonight so I'm going to eat what I want' threads - it seems that some women only get their choice of food if they aren't cooking for their DH as well. Why don't they get their own choice when he is there?

Whatsshe, he is perfectly entitled to have those concerns and preferences. I'd be telling him that he is welcome to cook for himself and the family if it means his concerns and preferences are better catered for.

I agree in the principle of what he is saying as me and DP don't always want to eat what our 3 dcs eat, we probably all eat the same meal 50% of the time. However we tend to share the cooking of our meal, not usually the kids as DP is not home in time. But you sound super busy and so batch cooking one meal for all of you makes sense, if he really doesn't like that then he should cook for you and him sometimes.

DH cooks separate dinner for DCs and for us. DH and I eat later than DCs as I am often not home from work until 7-8pm. If DH fancies something I dont eat then he will cook separate things for us but we will still eat together.

If DH didnt cook for both of us then I wouldnt be starting to prepare my own dinner until after I got home. DH would have eaten his own leg waiting for me or we would be eating separately which we prefer not to do.

One of the nice things about being a grownup is that I no longer have to eat food I dont like.

The problem is cooking is not one of the things he does . Even if he did cook, he gets in quite late and he likes us all to eat together which is a good thing, I guess, but not really the easiest option. Sometimes I just feed the kids separately so they don't go into meltdown.

I seem to cook a different meal for everyone each nigh and I'd still not put up with that bollocks from my dh. If he dared. Which he wouldn't.

I'm reminded of that "Thick People Can't Do Shopping" programme with Greg Wallace and another green grocer on the BBC. There was one episode where the dh wouldn't eat what was provided and instead would go and get himself something special and expensive to eat every night while she scraped freshly made macaroni cheese into the bin (why they didn't freeze it is beyond me). The advice was to pander to the man child be more adventurous (read spicy) and cook two dinners a night. She cook two dinners

I'd have had a few things to say to Greg Wallace if he'd tried that shit in my house. But it would have been unbroadcastable and I can't do a lengthy stretch inside. I've got stuff to do.

Whatsshe I don't know how you can tolerate that kind of behaviour.

One meal for everyone here. And that's including the child with food allergies. Generally everything we make is suitable for him but there are a couple of special meals that aren't suitable so I separate out some of the food (not including the allergen) and then give him that so he eats the same as everyone else as much as possible. My uncle has Coeliacs disease, he also always gets the same as everyone else (although puddings in our family are now uncle-friendly or DS-friendly because combining Coeliac's and DS's allergies leaves us with, em, jelly for pudding).

Fussy adult who wants 'more fish and meat' but doesn't cook? He can fuck right off.

I stopped cooking for my OH over a year ago, we both work full time, but I do weekends and he doesn't I can come home after an 11 hour shift and not even be offered a bloody sandwich, so after a massive row I stopped cooking for him, and he now lives on crisps, cheese, and fast food. I can now cook what I want went I want.

WhatsShe is there something wrong with your husband? Is he unable to do a bit of batch cooking and freeze it? Or cook a salmon fillet in a pan or microwave?

Apologies if he has been in a terrible accident or something and actually has no hands/lacks mental capacity.

I only do one meal normally but my kids will eat nearly anything!

Some of my children's friends are really fussy so I sometimes do an earlier tea if my children have friends over and just do fish fingers or pizza as I know there is no point cooking for them and having it rejected!

what a fucking cheek. doesn't he have hands and a brain?

Well ...
There is no reason why you should be cooking especially for him. Maybe plan a bit more meat in your dishes or whatever but cooking a completely separate meal is a NO-NO in my books.

If he has an issue with what you are cooking, he should be cooking himself.

If he wants to eat fish, he can cook it himself, maybe at weekends and plan one meal for him and one meal for the dcs (and you get to choose which one you eat).

As for what we do .... DH cooks a lot of the time, not me but I am the one who meny plan. DH can get involved when I do that and suggest stuff, that way he gets to eat what he fancies too.
When we cook, we usually cook what is the equivalent of 2 or 3 meals uinstead of 1 (similar sort of work required) then freeze. So no bulk cooking ahead (let's say at weekends) but alwyas more portions prepared for a meal later on.
We eat together, no one has a different meal and there will not be any (You can be sure that 'daddy having a different meal' will lead to 'I want something different' from the dcs)

Btw I agree with Gnome that it is nice tio be able to have a say in what you eat.
But have a say doesn't mean needing a full meal for yourself 'because you are different/better/older/a man'.

It means input in the menu for the week. It also means participation to the cooking of said meal.

The issue with fish is a completely different one imo. If the dcs are allergic, clearly it's not something that can gop on the menu for everyone to eat. But it can go on it with the proviso he is doing the cooking for both (or he is cooking the fish and he is using stuff from the bulk cooking etc...). And it's not happening everyday iyswim.

I think your DH is being VVVUR..

In my house I can make 2 or 3 evening meals especially during the week. DH eats very well at work, so only tends to eat a sandwhich/salad etc very easy.

I tend to eat with DD, generally 95% of the time we eat the same cooked meal. However, if l fancy something different I'll tend to cook DD a quick pasta dish and then me something more adventurous for myself spicy.

This works for us, mainly because knocking up a sandwhich etc for DH or picnic food/pasta for DD is super quick.

IMO, I would direct your DH to the kitchen and get him to show you over several months what kind of dishes he would like

The problem is cooking is not one of the things he does

What would happen if you were to say the same thing to him one day?

And can he not cook and freeze things, so the kids can eat earlier if necessary without anyone having to be there to cook there and then?

Why do you allow him to behave like this?

Movingonup - no he has not been in an accident. A "batch cook?" You must be joking! He's never cooked in the 12 years I've known him. Strangely though, when he takes the kids on camping expeditions, he will do his very own version of "cooking from scratch" in these circumstances (ie. catch / gut fish and cook this on a DIY fire). There's no holding him back if there's a barbecue either. But apart from that, he is very hard work in this area.

Whatsshe, genuinely, what would happen if you announced that you were no longer cooking?

Ugh, all that 'man cook with fire, woman cook in kitchen' nonsense would boil my piss.

Yes I do cook different meals at one sitting - but i am sahm. two of my children have asd and sensory issues so trying the one meal fits all approach is rarely successful - only home made pizza fits that bill!

I have one basic meal then variations to suit tastes/ appetites/ needs. We are all vegetarian, So if I do pasta I may prepare spaghetti and pasta twirls as ds will only eat spaghetti or spinach and ricotta filled tortelloni and dd will not eat spaghetti as it is too noisy! I will have sauce, roasted veg, grated cheese, garlic bread and salad at the table for self service. So at least the fussy folks can choose their own accompaniments. I do a variation of several different meals on this basis and if we have curry I may end up giving one dd rice and ds chips and a veggie burger as he won't touch rice or curry. I refuse to stop making food I like because my ds won't eat it but I have to make sure ds is eating and stress over food is avoidable if I provide him with food he can ets.

Anyway - long winded but ultimately you are not unreasonable OP as your dh is perfectly capable of preparing an alternative I presume - my ds is not at that stage yet - so if your dh wants to contribute to meal prep he can. If you make a few serve yourself buffet style meals that might be a compromise you can try, but only if he meets you half way by doing some of the labour!

Fuck that nonsense. Don't like it? Cook for yourself.

Child doesn't like it? (Being contrary rather than genuine dislike.). Get yourself sandwich or cereal.

I have a friend who cooks four meals a night. Four! Eat it or lump it.

AIBU to think the whole family should all eat the same meals at dinner?

You are being unreasonable to think the whole family should all eat the same meals at dinner.

There is no should about it. If that is what works for you all as a family then that is fine but if it doesnt then you all need to find another way.

Sapphire - he would eat out.

Anyway, sorry if this is derailing the thread

If he's never cooked he shouldn't get to dictate what food you are allowed to cook for him, WhatsShe. You're his wife, not his servant.