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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the whole family should all eat the same meals at dinner

161 replies

emodi · 27/09/2016 10:29

I am a working mum to ds10 and dd7 . At present I cook one hot meal at night and have a pretty fixed time table for dinners . I was quite surprised yesterday when my DH started saying I don't cook specially for him and that after work I should be cooking him something separate as he is "older" at 45 so he needs more fish and white meat . Kids are allergic to fish . My job is quite busy with late nights and on calls and I usually cook in bulk I was wondering if that's what most people do . Growing up my mum cooked one meal for all of us and we all ate what we were given . I can't imagine cooking different meals for us. What do the rest of you do?

OP posts:
nailslikeknives · 27/09/2016 11:25

One meal here. I followed the HVs advice early on - to get the children eating family food as soon as poss.

If someone with an allergy/veggie/religious requirement is visiting, I make something suitable and we all eat it.

I think that's fair enough - Mummy is not a short order chef! Though she is driven to using the 3rd person by the very thought of cooking more than once a night!! Grin

GinIsIn · 27/09/2016 11:25

Just point him in the direction of the kitchen and tell him if he wants something different, knock himself out! Hmm

I actually do cook different meals for me and DH sometimes, but that's only because I have allergies and am often on a ludicrous diet and I don't feel it fair to inflict that on him! He'd never demand a different meal, because he is nice. And if he did, he wouldn't get one, because I am not! Grin

Buggeritimgettingup · 27/09/2016 11:25

One meal here (no allergies or the like to deal with)dh and kids all suggest meals for the planner and we go from there. Sometimes it won't be their favourite but they all eat it.

nailslikeknives · 27/09/2016 11:25

Oh bollocks. Sorry for double post!

BillSykesDog · 27/09/2016 11:26

My DH is vegetarian. The rest of us don't want to eat vegetarian all of the time so when we eat meat or fish he sorts himself out. If an adult has a non-health related special requirement they need to pull their finger out and sort it themselves.

TiverMeShimbers · 27/09/2016 11:28

DH & I both work FT, but I finish earlier than him so I cook every weeknight.

I make one meal. Kids (aged 11, 8 ,5) & I eat about 6. I keep his warm until he is home at about 8.

There is no way in hell I would be making separate meals for him. And he wouldn't think to ask. He is just glad that there is a meal waiting for him every night!

Soubriquet · 27/09/2016 11:28

I think I would have wet myself laughing if my Dh told me that

I do cook twice occasionally

The DC eat their food around 4pm. If it's something we all enjoy such as fajitas, then we all eat at 4.

If it's something the children don't like or me and Dh fancy a meal on our own, I will cook for the kids and then cook again when they are in bed

When I say, I cook it's usually he cooks. He cooks more than I do

squoosh · 27/09/2016 11:28

Otherwise I'd tell him to get back on the 1950's Spaceship he flew in on

He'd probably ask her to make him some sandwiches for the journey back.

dreamingofsun · 27/09/2016 11:28

forever - my need and choice is that after a day at work i don't slave away cooking lots of different meals....ideally i wouldn't cook any and just have it served up.....

IceTippedMountains · 27/09/2016 11:31

One meal here, I don't mind substituting the odd thing (i.e sausage instead of pork chop) but there's no way in hell am I doing two different meals. I grew up eating was I given and I intend to do the same with my DC.

Obviously if DH wanted to cook something different I wouldn't stop him but he has to cook it, not me! And when the DC get older they can cook what they want (within reason) if they don't like certain parts of the meals but generally we all eat the same.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 27/09/2016 11:31

I can't imagine my husband saying anything like that. Unless we had a cooker that could only be operated with breasts. Then he'd have a point.

I vote for the meal for the whole family and a tin of spam/pilchards on the side. Unopened.

diddl · 27/09/2016 11:34

" I should be cooking him something separate as he is "older" at 45 so he needs more fish and white meat ."

I can't make a lot of sense of that tbh!

Surely there are some meals cooked that he likes?

It can't all revolve around the kid's preferences?

Lweji · 27/09/2016 11:36

Ask him if he wants to be spoon fed too.

My example is not very good for him, because my exH used to cook most meals.
The only man in the family that almost never cooked was my dad but he never ever demanded anything food related from my mum or anyone else.

Jackiebrambles · 27/09/2016 11:36

We sometimes cook twice, mainly when the kids have been in nursery all day and don't really want a lot to eat (eggs on toast or something). So I feed them at 5.30 and then we cook something once they are in bed. We usually cook this together or I sling it in the oven whilst he's putting the eldest to bed.

When we all eat together though its one meal. It does mean that we have a bit of a limited menu as I want everyone to eat something! My kids are young (15 months and 3.5) but not very adventurous so we have shepherds pie, fish and chips, spag bol, lasagne, roast chicken.

He's daft, tell him to cook his own white meat and fish if he needs it!

WigelsPigels · 27/09/2016 11:36

Let him cook his own food or help you cook. He is acting like a 4.5 year old.

We all eat together, there is no separate child/adult dinners.

WhiskersAndPaws · 27/09/2016 11:38

For goodness sake. You have three children.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/09/2016 11:38

I batch cook often so this comment wouldn't amuse me. It is as easy to say stick sausages and a bit of salmon in the oven and do the same veg. But that's as far as I'd be prepared to go in your shoes. And you sound very busy. Does he ever cook?

My dh is trying to lose weight so he doesn't always want the food dd will eat. He cooks it himself when he's hungry and often wants a salad. I'm chronically ill so there have been many many times when he's felt lucky to be fed twice a week. Your dh sounds rather entitled TBH. My mother did loads of different meals btw and cooked fathers food at about 8pm. Nuts if you ask me. Maybe your husband should have married her Wink.

RhiWrites · 27/09/2016 11:39

The 1950s called. They'd like OP's husband back.

Whatsshe0naboutnow · 27/09/2016 11:45

Ha - was just discussing this on another thread. DH will not eat anything "semi-ready made" eg. meat pre-marinaded, for instance. Why is this? Because of the chemicals and additives apparently. He believes all his meals need to be cooked from scratch and raw ingredients. Fine words from one apparently incapable of making his own toast. Angry On top of this, he wants fish or meat all the time and two of the kids have now announced they are turning vegetarian. The only up side is DH is away three nights a week, so it's pasta all round on those nights!

AdoraBell · 27/09/2016 11:45

One meal here. I did accommodate DD when she tried going veggie, but that doesn't mean you have to do the same OP. Your DH is an adult and so if he doesn't wat to eat what is on offer then he can discuss this with you when you are planning the meals/shopping and say some along the lines of -

I don't fancy spag Bol so on Spag Bol Day, I'll do myself some fish.

Or - When I cook on X evening I'll do spag Bol for family but I'll have fish.

LadyConstanceDeCoverlet · 27/09/2016 11:46

Bollocks does he need more fish and white meat because he's an adult. Neither are an essential part of anyone's diet. If he's feeling that deprived, he can get them on meal breaks at work.

SmellySphinx · 27/09/2016 11:47

squoosh - That really made me laugh!!!
I'm thinking of The Jetsons now

SpecialStains · 27/09/2016 11:48

Nope, always been same meal for everyone in my house. If it's easy to remove particular foods in a dish that someone dislikes (I.e dishing out a pasta dish without sauce before adding it to the rest), then I'd do it. I'm not sure I'd even be happy with someone constantly cooking their own food - cooking one family meal is cheaper. However, you could tell your dh he is welcome to cook the family meals, with the responsibility of getting picky eaters to eat it!

Chippednailvarnishing · 27/09/2016 11:48

Why do women indulge these sorts of men?

Please someone enlighten me.

Soubriquet · 27/09/2016 11:53

So why do you bend to his way of thinking and let him get away with that Whatsshe0naboutnow?

Does he cook all his own food from scratch or just expect you to?