Eldest wants to do loads of after school activities but I am on my own and have two younger DCs.

[DuckingAunts]

DSC is 9, DC1 is 3 and DC2 is a newborn.

DH works long hours with a crazy commute and often isn't home until 7.30/8. I'm on mat leave so all running around/school and nursery pick ups/drop offs are done by me.

DSC is with us two weekdays every week and EOW.

On one of the weekday evenings DSC does an after school activity which, tbh is a logistical ball ache with the two younger ones. And that's with it just being walking distance away.

The activity they want to do on the second evening is a car journey and will involve shuttling the two littler ones back and forth at a time of day when they're tired, hungry and at their worst.

WIBU to just say no to the second activity? I know if I don't facilitate it, DSCs mum won't, so it means DSC won't end up doing it. But I just feel like two nights in a row is too much on my plate and not really fair on the younger two, who would ideally be in bed when it would be time to pick up DSC. AIBU?

No local family who can help BTW. And I just don't know anyone round here well enough yet to ask them for that kind of favour.

Cozy, the perceptions of stepchildren do not always correspond to 'how you would like them to perceive the situation' or to how the various adults involved, parents, step parents, perceive them.

And this is exactly the sort of situation that emerges later to have been incredibly important to stepchildren.

And what about non-stepchildren? For me this doesn't need to be a step issue as it doesn't just happen in stepfamilies. I don't think the op should cave in to pressure and give her Dss special treatment just because he's a Dss and not a Ds.

"You are such a hypocrite, Bertrand, constantly having a go at anyone who is upfront about the moral and legal requirement to take parental responsibility seriously."

I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. But it doesn't sound relevant to this thread.

No, I thought you wouldn't understand. You consistently demonstrate your lack of understanding of parental responsibility.

The other people in the household are just as important as the stepchild. His wants are not paramount to the other children (and adults) needs. It doesn't suit the whole family for dsc to do that activity on that day. So it doesn't happen. It's not going to scar him for life. I think that time spent bonding with his siblings is more important than another activity anyway.

I think you must have confused me with somebody else, bobochic. But anyway, not a conversation appropriate for this thread.

I was going to say say no for now and that you'll revisit for the new year, and I see that's what you've decided.

We call it 'hell hour'.

What about suggesting that the new activity can start but give a date in the future when you think you will be able to manage it? Or paying someone's petrol or a small wage to do it?

What are the activities?

YANBU. I've recently whittled down the activities my DC do, as it's been getting too much, they're tired and grumpy and never spend any time at home. Now they just do one activity each a week. What about homework, reading, just general down time?

mushrooms- depends on the situation.
My DD does 15 hours a week of activity. Often homework, downtime and rest have to take a second place.

Good on you, OP. Don't do it. Sometimes children can't have it all their own way, irrelevant if it is a dsc or your child. My children are always demanding they take up archery at the other end of town, with no thought to logistics. Just no.