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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To only share my bed with DH

158 replies

rookiemere · 26/09/2016 05:19

So for various reasons I am in a hotel room on my own as it is a family occasion and DH couldnt come as needed to stay at home with DS.

My cousin who I love dearly wanted to share for one night. I said sure as long as I can swap to a twin or get an extra bed added. Thankfully we've managed to get an extra bed so it will be fine. But she seemed to act like it was kind of weird that I would not sleep in the same bed then her sister made a remark about it as well.

AIBU ? To be honest I don't even enjoy sharing that much with DH we are both light sleepers and wake each other up going to the loo, plus I toss and turn a lot.

OP posts:

Postchildrenpregranny · 27/09/2016 17:45

Will share double bed with DDs and twin (only )with a friend/close relative That's it .

hmbn · 27/09/2016 17:45

YANBU - definitely! Why would you want to?! Preserve personal space at all costs!
I've only ever shared a bed with a really good friend (we started primary school together, went through 6th form and college also)once (not out of choice) and I didn't sleep a wink.
Another friend recently booked a weekend away for us and thought I was very strange when I insisted on twin beds! She's one of four kids and it seemed they regularly shared beds. She also thinks sexuality is 'fluid' and was bi for a while, which made me feel even more uncomfortable!

Julia001 · 27/09/2016 17:55

Ha ! I wouldn't even share a room, mind you, there is no one apart from DH who would share as I snore like a train :-)

GDarling · 27/09/2016 18:04

If it's just for one night and it would save a lot of money, I would do it, pity u couldn't get twin beds tho!

Spadequeen · 27/09/2016 18:05

It really doesn't matter whether people find it weird or not, you don't want to shares bed and gave your cousin different reasonable options. She was rude to have commented and made a fuss about it. And by made a fuss, I mean she discussed it with another family member who then also felt able to make you out to be weird.

Btw, I don't have a problem sharing a bed, but I don't think the op is weird

Notso · 27/09/2016 18:14

I would prefer to have a twin in this situation but wouldn't make an issue out of it for one night.

ArchibaldsDaddy · 27/09/2016 18:19

Not weird to object. Not at all!!

Advicewouldbelovelyta · 27/09/2016 18:24

I couldn't do it, I have 2 sleeping modes, I either cuddle up really close or I starfish, neither is something I'd be happy about doing in a bed with someone other than my dp lol

Beardsareweird · 27/09/2016 18:25

I don't even share a bed with my DH so I definitely wouldn't want to cosy up under the duvet with a cousin.

TopazRocks · 27/09/2016 18:41

In the dim and distant past of last century, I have shared beds with female friends. But I wouldn't want to do it now I am older. I REALLY love having the bed to myself, which i do most nights despite being happily married. For oe i am quite embarrassed about my bad snoring - which has got worse over the decades it seems. But then I hear DH snoring, and reckon he does disturb me when he gets up early. Yet most times we share the bed I sleep through him getting up. I don't think you need to give a reason for not sharing with a cousin or friend. You just prefer not to, OP, and that's fine in my book.

Jaxhog · 27/09/2016 19:00

Eek no! I love my friends dearly, but would never share a bed with them. Not even in a zombie apocalypse (well maybe then).

2kids2dogsnosense · 27/09/2016 19:01

YANBU - I would only share with DH. And the dogs.

I just don't like the thought of having anyone else in with me, even the kids (I didn't mind when they were little - now they are in their thirties I wouldn't like it, and nor would either of them, I'm sure).

PunkrockerGirl · 27/09/2016 19:05

YANBU. I'd only share with dh. I used to share with the dc if they were ill when they were little, but that's years ago now.

I wouldn't even want to share a room with anyone else, let alone a bed.

belgina · 27/09/2016 19:09

Well, I had a lovely meet up with the other NM from my old a/n thread and we nearly all shared a bed, so that's easily 8 NM happy to share a bed with someone they haven't met irl before So no problem for me!

NameChange10001 · 27/09/2016 19:12

I have terrible insomnia. I would be much worse if I was worrying that every move I made would wake you up. Or that I had just fallen off to sleep and you rolled over and woke me up. Grrrrrr! Plus I snore. The last non DP I shared a double bed with was my DNiece at a wedding. She slept on the floor with the pillow over her head because my snoring was so dreadful.

Verbena37 · 27/09/2016 19:24

I'd share with my cousins.....the female ones obviously.
I think perhaps Americans are perhaps more liberal than Brits but that's no bad thing.
It's not as if your cousin is a stranger. If it were a lreative or friend, and they didn't smell, then I would definitely share.

Beachballl · 27/09/2016 19:36

I agree I would never share a bed with anyone other than dh.

Ditsy4 · 27/09/2016 19:38

I'm with punk rocker I wouldn't even want to share a room. Paid extra when we went away with work colleagues for a weekend. I'd actually not go rather than share a bed!

iMogster · 27/09/2016 19:41

I'd share a room with a family member or close friend, but not a bed. I need to feel relaxed to be able to go to sleep.

StickyProblem · 27/09/2016 19:45

I stayed with 2 female friends once in a big hotel room with one double bed, each one wanted a side of the bed and they said I could sleep in the middle! Gee thanks. I took the cushions off the sofa and had a lovely comfy spacious night on the floor. How could I sleep if whatever way I turned someone else's head was right there?!

zenaria · 27/09/2016 20:39

I am American. At a push, I would share a bed, but I certainly would not choose to! Your response seems totally reasonable as the bed was made available.

Original poster

rookiemere · 27/09/2016 20:40

OP here again.
I was talking to my cousin about trips with friends and she said that she went away with friends and 6 of them shared a two bedroom one toilet apartment. That sounds like my own personal hell !
As i say i have been on trips with friends before. Even when it was just me and my best pal we got a 2 bed apartment. I will share a room when skiing (not a bed though) as literally you only sleep there and I am so tired after a day on the slopes that it doesnt bother me.

OP posts:

LucyintheskywithRainbows · 27/09/2016 21:30

Definitely not BU. I wouldn't even want to share a room with anyone other than dh and ds tbh. Hope you have a nice time tho xx

BananaThePoet · 27/09/2016 21:35

There are so many good reasons why a person would not want to share a room let alone a bed with another person.
I can't think of a single good reason why another person would feel entitled to share a bed with another person who didn't want to share with them.
I think it is unreasonable to complain to a third person when they can't make a person sleep with them.
By the way 'being weird' is not any reason to change your behaviour or preferences. There are much worse things in life than not fitting in with those who like to push other people about. You are who you are.
The world would be a happier place if we could all respect each others' different needs and preferences.

Purplebluebird · 27/09/2016 21:41

I'm European (not British) and would happily share bed with friends/cousins. However I don't think it's weird that you wouldn't want to - some people need their privacy more than others!

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