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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To only share my bed with DH

158 replies

rookiemere · 26/09/2016 05:19

So for various reasons I am in a hotel room on my own as it is a family occasion and DH couldnt come as needed to stay at home with DS.

My cousin who I love dearly wanted to share for one night. I said sure as long as I can swap to a twin or get an extra bed added. Thankfully we've managed to get an extra bed so it will be fine. But she seemed to act like it was kind of weird that I would not sleep in the same bed then her sister made a remark about it as well.

AIBU ? To be honest I don't even enjoy sharing that much with DH we are both light sleepers and wake each other up going to the loo, plus I toss and turn a lot.

OP posts:

mumofthemonsters808 · 26/09/2016 16:57

I'm the opposite, I'll share a bed with anyone (well, a friend/relative), I'm a belting sleeper so it doesn't matter who I'm in with, as soon as my head hits the pillar I'm gone.

BipBippadotta · 26/09/2016 17:01

I can't share beds with anyone but my DH, after a horrific bed-sharing accident in my 20s when I mistook my female cousin for my boyfriend in my sleep.

From then on it's been my policy not to share beds with anyone unless we're both happy with the possibility that I will put my hand down their pants in the night.

ClashCityRocker · 26/09/2016 17:05

No, I don't like sharing a bed with anyone other than dh.

I would rather not share a room, but go along with it for hen do's and trips.

It's the sound of other people's breathing. Even as a kid, I hated sleeping in my parents bed.

metaphoricus · 26/09/2016 17:28

I once withdrew from a conference last minute when I found out I would have to share a twin room with another delegate. A complete stranger!
No alternative rooms available. No chance.
I used to not mind sharing a bed with friends when I was much younger - but I wouldn't do it now. I like to stretch out.

Areyoulocal · 26/09/2016 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

m0therofdragons · 26/09/2016 17:33

I'm going away with a friend this weekend and will share a bed with her. I've shared with her before. It was a bit weird the first time but we were fully clothed. Tbh I'm usually in a bed with dh and 1-3 dc so it's quite a luxury to just share with one person!

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 26/09/2016 17:35

I would happily share with my best friend, mum or sister. DH and DCs are fine as well of course. I would be uncomfortable with anyone else I think.

Rainbunny · 26/09/2016 17:36

No way, I am a light sleeper and snoring and breathing noises bother me incredibly. Having reached my late thirties and having had various experiences of sharing a bed a few times, sharing a hotel room many times etc... it's my conclusion that EVERYONE bloody snores except me! I swear I don't - I've had many friends/DH tell me that I'm silent and in fact one friend didn't sleep well herself sharing a hotel room because I was so quiet she felt compelled to keep checking that I was breathing. The odds are far higher that someone does snore than not so I wouldn't risk it at this point.

This is hardly being precious, I had the worst experience when I went to New York with my friend - we were both running the marathon and I spent the night before trying and failing to sleep in the bathtub in my hotel room bathroom while friend happily snored away in her bed.

ZanyMobster · 26/09/2016 17:42

I am happy to share a bed with friends. We go abroad for 4/5 days each year and I always share.

Always shared with 1 or 2 friends when we were around 18-20 also.

Even though I am happy to share I also absolutely love to have my own space so am the 1st to offer to take a single room.

I know lots of people who don't like sharing and it really wouldn't cross my mind to be offended.

JigokuShojou · 26/09/2016 17:44

YANAABU

I don't have kids or a spouse but I was aghast earlier this year at being expected to spend the night in the same bed as a family friend's wife in a hotel in China.. I was also asked why I didn't want to, as if I was deliberately causing offence. TBF, I am a lesbian, but even we have our lines. I kept having to make excuses and make expensive day trips between China and HK. just to see her but would never think of sleeping in the same bed.

gotthearse · 26/09/2016 17:45

YANBU. but I would probably be ok with it personally if very close to the cousin. I was brought up by grandparents both raised in families of 10 kids living in two bed miners terraces so it was unavoidable and warmer. And therefore completely normalised in our family. So I would be fine with it, but only for my kids, my siblings, my parents, grandparents and VBF.

Teahornet · 26/09/2016 17:48

I don't think anyone is suggesting there's anything wrong with sharing a bed, or that sharing a bed with someone who isn't a partner, spouse or child is some kind of sex thing (apart from Bip, who is clearly a sleep predator )! Some of us just hate it! I certainly shared beds and tents with all kinds of people, male and female, when I was younger and skint, but now I don't.

Quite apart from the sleep thing, it's a privacy thing for me. I don't want to share a bed with someone other than DH or DS in the same way I don't want to go into a loo cubicle with someone else in a night club -- lots of women do it, there's nothing at all wrong with it, obviously, but I don't want to do it. Sharing a bed gives me exactly the same sensation of crowdedness and a sense that someone is intruding when I want to be alone!

I suspect that in my case this comes in part from a childhood in a very small, overcrowded house shared with extended family and a lot of siblings, and zero privacy, ever. At one point I shared a bed with my aunt and grandmother. As an adult, I am very much someone who likes her personal space.

Teahornet · 26/09/2016 17:49

got, x-posted with you. It sounds as if very similar childhood experiences of bed-sharing have had very different longterm effects!

Alconleigh · 26/09/2016 18:22

I'd have been ok with it when younger but not a chance now unless absolutely unavoidable. And that's to sharing a room with someone I'm not in a relationship with, not sharing a bed. Yikes.

I agree with PP who said there is an introvert / extrovert element to this as well. If I don't have downtime away from people I get very grumpy.

Topseyt · 26/09/2016 18:49

I will only share with DH. If I am away from home without him I have a single room in the hotel.

At an absolute push I might agree to share a room with one of my DDs but it would have to be twin beds, not a double.

I need my space to fall asleep, and to do my own thing.

Lifewithasixyearold · 26/09/2016 18:49

YANBU that is all

Topseyt · 26/09/2016 18:51

As for camping, I made the mistake of trying it once.

Never, ever, ever again. You couldn't pay me to do it.

Ragwort · 26/09/2016 18:53

No, I couldn't share a bed with anyone - I don't even share a bed room with my DH . (Married 30 years !)

I did have a twin room with my mother recently and really found it very hard to sleep.

I have a lot of difficulty falling asleep and need to be completely alone, peace and quiet, window open. Hate, hate, hate sharing a bed.

Secretmetalfan · 26/09/2016 19:01

Wouldn't bother me and have shared with friends but each to their own and if you feel uncomfortable you feel uncomfortable end of story you shouldn't have to explain yourself. This applies to everything in life as far as I'm concerned

JigokuShojou · 26/09/2016 19:07

I can't even share my BEDROOM. It's a blessing to live alone most of the time. I need space.

EverReadyEddy · 26/09/2016 20:09

Eugh, yuck NO WAY!

I wouldn't be able to sleep. I'd be too worried about farting/snoring/dribbling.

I barely tolerate sharing a bed with DH and only then because I bought a 6ft wide bed.

SharonBottsPoundOfGrapes · 26/09/2016 20:21

I don't like to share but I will if needs be (money, space, time etc). I shared with my cousin in August. We'd been to the theatre then for a drink. Even with earplugs in I could hear the phlegmy snoring.

pollyblack · 26/09/2016 20:24

I shared a bed with a friends when i stayed with her once, we are very close but i still wasnt that comfortable with it. And she said i made weird sex noises in my sleep.

Shitonyoursofa · 26/09/2016 20:34

Apart from DH I would only share with a couple of close friends that I've slept in the same bed with loads of times since our younger going out and staying at each others house days. No one else, ever! Makes me feel a bit queasy tbh.

Lkiirby91 · 26/09/2016 20:38

I hate sharing a bed, I only just say tolerate my partner. Never bed shared with dd either. I'm just too selfish and need that much room

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