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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To only share my bed with DH

158 replies

rookiemere · 26/09/2016 05:19

So for various reasons I am in a hotel room on my own as it is a family occasion and DH couldnt come as needed to stay at home with DS.

My cousin who I love dearly wanted to share for one night. I said sure as long as I can swap to a twin or get an extra bed added. Thankfully we've managed to get an extra bed so it will be fine. But she seemed to act like it was kind of weird that I would not sleep in the same bed then her sister made a remark about it as well.

AIBU ? To be honest I don't even enjoy sharing that much with DH we are both light sleepers and wake each other up going to the loo, plus I toss and turn a lot.

OP posts:

NicknameUsed · 26/09/2016 20:52

"You are being a bit weird.

I go away with my friends every year and we always share beds to save money."

Yuck. I would rather pay more and have a room to myself.

squizita · 26/09/2016 21:49

I'd rather share with a (non snoring) sibling or mate than my extremely noisy snoring dh with starfish tendencies.

KatieScarlett · 26/09/2016 21:56

I could share with my mum, DC or DH but would much prefer not to.
We currently have 3 spare bedrooms but DH got upset when I gently suggested using one of them. So we share, accompanied by his fucking too early alarm (he sets to never ending snooze) and oh the SNORING.

Cherrysoup · 26/09/2016 22:39

You're not weird, I'd hate it. I might have to share a room (but not a bed!!) with a colleague on a trip soon, the very thought is making me not want to go.

blissfullyaware · 26/09/2016 22:40

I slept in the same room as a very close friend a while ago and just couldn't fall asleep. I felt so self conscious for some reason. I know it must sound ridiculous. But perhaps I only feel I can really relax when I m with hb or kids but no one else. We are all different. No right or wrong. It's just what you are comfortable with.

blueshoes · 26/09/2016 22:51

What about on planes. How do non-bed-sharers cope with with sleeping in a communal space? Presume we cannot all be in business or first class.

NicknameUsed · 26/09/2016 23:08

Well clearly it is different. My expectation of getting any sleep at all on a plane, boat or train is not the same as it would be in a comfortable bed in a hotel. Also the noise of the aircraft (or boat or train) tends to mask the individual noises of the other passengers.

EverReadyEddy · 26/09/2016 23:18

What about on planes. How do non-bed-sharers cope with with sleeping in a communal space? Presume we cannot all be in business or first class

I don't cope. Or sleep. Last time I took a 13hr overnight flight it was hell on earth. I won't be doing that again. Ever.

WearingFuckMeSocks · 26/09/2016 23:39

YANBU.

However, I sleep like the dead and am quite laid back about stuff like that. I've slept thorough burglar alarms, major thunder storms, police helicopters overhead and all sorts of outside noise. I very rarely have a night alone in my bed, between DD, DP and the cat. I've shared a bed with my mum, with other female friends and other male friends. But I can only share with one person at a time; if there are two or more sharing, and I'm in the middle, it's just too damned hot to sleep.

Having said all that, there's nothing better than having a super-king sized bed all to yourself

AbernathysFringe · 26/09/2016 23:42

On the cultural side of things - my US relatives are all very free and easy with sharing bathrooms and being totally starkers in front of each other if staying somewhere! They're uber Conservative and religious! This from the nation that fainted at Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction! As a Brit I creep about with my eyes lowered and try not to seem shocked! So sharing a bed may well be a much smaller deal to yours. But I don't think YABU at all.

roasted · 26/09/2016 23:50

@pugsake - how very Meredith Grey of you. ;)

When I was younger and poorer, sharing was less of an issue. Now I'm older, richer and don't bloody have to, I value my own space more. I don't like sharing rooms, but I will with very close friends and family without too much grumbling.

I don't like sharing beds. I especially wouldn't share a bed with a male friend. As BipBippadotta points out, you can get confused when asleep or groggy and that can lead to embarrassing situations. I love my male friends dearly and wouldn't want to put them in a scenario where something could accidentally happen that might cause their wives to feel awkward about our friendship.

Bisgetti · 27/09/2016 00:10

An old uni friend tried to do this at a mutual friends wedding 15 years after we'd graduated. I agreed on the first night as knew she was trying to save money but after a night of her complaining that I tossed and turned, ate in bed, used the loo too many times and had disturbed her by waking early to use the hotel pool I refused the second night. We were in a different hotel as wedding celebrations were all over the place. She still isn't over it. I paid for the room by the way and she didn't offer to pay. Yes we are still friends but I don't entertain any mention of favours from her anymore.

Topseyt · 27/09/2016 01:44

I have never ever slept on a plane. Not even on long haul overnight flights.

I cannot. It is quite simply impossible. Thankfully I only very rarely make such flights. I am hell to be with afterwards unless I can catch a few hours sleep at my hotel afterwards.

wayway13 · 27/09/2016 01:53

YANBU. I hate sharing beds unless it's DH or DC and I wouldn't do it. I don't even share rooms with other people now and would rather pay for my own.

Italiangreyhound · 27/09/2016 02:11

YANBU, and your cousin is rude to imply you are when she wanted to share a room with you and you agreed. is not happy with your thoughts on the matter she can get her own room.

Italiangreyhound · 27/09/2016 02:11

If not happy not is not happy!

fanniboz · 27/09/2016 02:12

I do prefer not to share a bed but I don't mind if it's a close friend or either of my sisters. I imagine I wouldn't mind my niece either but she's only 2 currently so would probably pretend to sleep then attack me with her batman

ScaredAboutTheFuture · 27/09/2016 02:13

I refuse to even share a room with anyone other than Dh and children.

I don't sleep well (hence posting at this hr) and I would disturb my room mate.

I always make it clear from the start if there is a group meeting that I don't share and I will pay any single premium necessary for myself.

I haven't had any problems with friends being miffed about it and if there ever was an issue then I just wouldn't go.

I am a 40 30 year old adult - if I don't want to do something then I won't!

Original poster

rookiemere · 27/09/2016 02:21

OP here. I struggle to sleep on planes, not so much to do with proximity to others , more to do with just being unable to fall asleep any position but horizontal.

Had a good chat with my cousin and we are good.

I have been on a number of trips with female friends and we have always had our own beds.

OP posts:

VioletBam · 27/09/2016 02:31

Aussies will jump in your bed without a second thought too...it IS cultural as in my experience Americans are like that too. I don't want someone's pyjama clad arse pressed against me!

IAmNotAWitch · 27/09/2016 08:30

I hate sharing a bed/room with ANYONE including DH who I adore.

Have floated the idea of separate bedrooms a couple of times but he gets a bit hurt.

He has however learned to stay ON. HIS. SIDE. unless previously arranged.

IAmNotAWitch · 27/09/2016 08:32

I am Australian VioletBam so a bit of a generalisation there.

passingthrough1 · 27/09/2016 08:33

I discussed this with my mother recently and she thought was a generational thing. I've shared a bed with most friends and would pretty much share with anyone I know well enough. Even as adults with our own children my friends and I will happily share a bed, have a glass of wine, chat, maybe watch a DVD... My mother thinks that's extremely weird!

ohdearme1958 · 27/09/2016 08:44

Id share with my adult children but I'd not be completely at ease with it even though we are very close and go away together often. I just like my own space. Though I do have all the soace in the world in my bed for my 6 grandchildren.

And just a few weeks ago I went on a cruise with a friend who could only afford to go if I shared a cabin with her. We were in twin beds. The holiday was her idea. I hated sharing with her just as my daughter said I would before we left - but I did manage to hide it from my friend.

When we got to our second destination. We had an apartment with a room each. She was a bit peed off at what it had cost, which wasn't a lot really, and she blurted out one day - why couldn't we have just got the one bedroom. I was so cross that she wanted the holiday on the cheap, at the cost of my comfort, that I snarled something like - cos we're not at bloody boarding school.

Never again. Never ever again. The next time I travel with a friend it will only be with one who can afford the level of accommodation I want. Anything else is just not bloody worth it.

TimTamTerrier · 27/09/2016 17:45

I don't even share a bed or a room with my H anymore, I've had my own room for the last five years. I would never go back to room sharing now, I sleep when I'm on my own but don't when there is someone else there.

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