Showing my mum photos and suddenly realised why I'm so low in confidence

[Luzylou]

My mum came yesterday and I started showing her holiday pics of our trip to New York. One particular photo was a selfie I took in Central Park, laying on the grass with the bright sun on my face. Now I know I'm no oil painting and due to my lack of confidence I don't take many selfies and if I do, I tend not to show anyone them. Anyway this particular pic I was quite proud of as I thought I looked pretty fresh faced for a change and it showed the tranquility of the park so I included it in the holiday pics. Anyway her immediate reaction was to squeal "oh yikes! That's awful! Haha was that after a night out by any chance?? You look half asleep! Hehe no sorry Lou, I don't like that one!". I awkwardly laughed it off but I was hurt actually as I thought it was a decent picture. Other people that have seen it liked it so the reaction shocked me and put me on a downer.

This isn't the first example of this though, she did it recently when I showed her a photo of me at work in uniform. I thought it was a decent picture yet her first reaction was "oh Lou! What an awful picture! You look really old!! Were you stressed that day by any chance?? Haha"

She's done it loads and used to do it when I was a kid as well. I once experimented with a new hairstyle as a teen and when I went to show her she burst out laughing and said "what on earth have you done to your hair! Looks like you've been dragged through a hedge backwards!".
My confidence has always been shit (no surprises there eh!) so examples like this just mortify me and make me not bother incase I get laughed at or in case people don't like it.

Aibu to be hurt about the holiday pic? She didn't need to say it was amazing but if she didn't like it, why say anything?? I'd never dream of ripping someone's pic to bits like that, even if I did think they looked rough!

My mum loves me but not in the way I love ds or my grandparents loved me

She had always been very jealous too and is very selfish. She has totally fucked up her life and projects that's on to me quite a bit I snap and not always particularly nice to her then I feel guilty

I can probably count on my fingers how many times she has praised me, she is not openly critical but it works its way into the conversation or her negativity does in one way or the other is it so hard to praise your only child

I love my mum and care for her but I don't like her and I feel this feeling is mutual but she would never admit it

This thread makes me so sad. It affects you profoundly, the things your mum says to you. I was lucky -plain-speaking mum (born in 1942) never said anything mean about my looks, wasn't terribly interested in clothes or dressing up herself, did occasionally say "you look nice" but overall quite neutral. If she'd said some of the things I've read here it would have been so hurtful.

I always tell my daughter she's gorgeous and she is!

It wasn't just women by the way. My grandad used to tell his daughters they were "nothing to look at" and they were, by any standards, absolutely stunningly beautiful (really -wish I took after that side of the family!).

Hi - you seem to have grown up with a considerate and sensitive personality. You have a quality your mother lacks inspite of her put downs - have you ever stopped her in her tracks - and said ' that was cruel and unnecessary - and why do you do it? Do you know how you make me feel?'
If you get a bad reaction or she dismisses how you feel - just see her less often and don't share so much... She probably needs you more than you need her... Just keep being empathetic and decent - as the world needs more people like you..( don't get hung up on looks)

No. it's sounds to me that your mother is putting you down to make herself feel better. I have one exactly like that too. I've actually reduced contact with her drastically even though she lives not too far away (thank God she never has to stay!)
It sounds like your mother is ego centric. I'm sure you look beautiful; and she's jealous at her lost youth.
These days, seeing my mother an awful lot less,I have to admit I'm damn sight happier. I havewhat has been described as a very highly dysfunctional childhood. It's wasweird by anyone's standards. I've now got to a point, thank goodness, that I don't give a toss. She can go and swivel!
People say I should forgive, but personally, I feel that there's too much to forgive. She's just a very bitter, twisted, manipulative, unhappy old woman. So much so, that when my DG died, they were still vitriolic against each other, and it was sheer poison what my DM said following. Do I give a toss? No, because I was where I was meant to be; at my GM side when she passed. My immediate family are so grateful for that and find such solace in that too. That's what I, my immediate family and my DG wanted and that's exactly what she got.