To want to tell this girl's mum about how nasty she has been to DD?

[MurphyJim]

DD has just started secondary school. She has gone up to secondary school with a group of friends that she spent most of her primary school years hanging round with. One of them, I'll refer to her as G, is very much the head of the group of friends and has been unkind to DD quite a bit over the years. Mainly low level nastiness such as telling others in the group not to talk to DD, or making fun of DD and getting others to laugh at her. She is very manipulative.

G's mum is, unfortunately, one of those mums who thinks her DD is absolutely perfect and is the first to get on the phone to, or approach, the mum of any child who has made a tiny or perceived slight towards her child. I have heard of it happening many a time throughout primary school, and she has phoned me a couple of times in the past about things such as my DD not being her DD's partner in PE and her DD being upset.

Anyway, today it's G's birthday and she has had a huge party/disco in a hall, followed by a sleepover with several friends. She has told DD since they went back to school 3 weeks ago that she was inviting everyone except DD, as she doesn't want DD there. And true to her word she invited the rest of their friendship group, as well as every other new friend DD has made at secondary school. And didn't invite DD.

This in itself was upsetting enough for DD. However all through the party this evening G has repeatedly sent DD texts with photos of her and all of DD's friends having fun at the party with captions such as "I love my besties". She also tried to facetime DD several times throughout the party, presumably to rub it in DD's face that she wasn't there! DD sensibly ignored the texts and calls, but was understandably very upset.

I am so angry about it all and feel like giving this girl's mum a call or a text tomorrow just to let her know about how upset DD is by G's behaviour. Especially as the mum is always the first person to complain and to kick up a huge fuss if her DD is upset.

WIBU to contact the mum? I don't want to make things worse for DD.

The child can invite who she wants and will probably say she was just texting your dd
So she feels involved

Have you met any teen girls?

She knows exactly what she was doing - look at us were having fun and you're excluded -

What about FB? Well there Instagram and OOVOO as well - al can be used to bully -

Do you go out and text friends you've not invited to show them what a gear time you're having without them? Or are you a FB poster who has to show off? Look at Meeeee .....

This is bullying. Speak to the mum and show her the texts etc but also share with the school. My DD was bullied in the same way and this has affected her confidence enormously. I wish you all the best.

Have you met any teen girls?

Yes I have 2.But this is an 11 yo

It is not a kind thing to do, but lots of people post on FB showing what a good time they are having.I don't think you could describe that as bullying .

It is when you purposely exclude a person then rub their mosey in it on purpose - it's mean rotten behavior

She has told DD since they went back to school three weeks ago that she is inviting everyone except DD, as she doesn't want DD there"

low level nastiness, such as telling others in the group not to talk to DD, or making fun of DD and getting others to laugh at her

Bullying, in my book. Don't understand how it could be misconstrued as anything else, tbh.

Its bullying. You don't tell someone that you are going to exclude them, go ahead and exclude them and then contact them repeatedly during the event that they have been deliberately excluded from to make them feel involved: you do it to make them feel even more left out.

It wasn't general posting on social media but targeted communication directed at the OPs DD.

What a nasty little cow this girl is, presumably because her mother makes her think she can do no wrong. Your poor DD . I would send all of it to the mum and say how disgusted you are that her daughter is such a bully and cruel. I would contact the school and explain so they keep an eye out also. Nasty child doing such awful things to someone - she needs to be told . I'd take her round now and confront the girl and her mother ... so sorry OP

.

I suspect the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree, I doubt confronting the mum will get you very far. I would support DD to distance herself from this girl, and also inform the school so they can be looking out for any bullying at school. If the mum contacts you then you can tell her exactly why DD isn't friends with her any more.

I was treated like this by people who were supposed to be my friends at school, and it absolutely was bullying. The fact that I was bullied by people who were supposed to be my friends messed me up for a long time. I feel like I could have coped with bullying if I knew I had friends who had my back. Those who are minimising it have no idea how it feels.

I have only read the first page of comments. But my views are very clear- this is a form of bullying and is very, very serious. I would be taking it to the school straight away.

I'm very sorry for your daughter x

Hope this is getting sorted op

Screenshot. Bypass Mum. Give to your DD's form tutor who is responsible for her well-being.

Then advise your Dd as I advised my DS when the nasty boy at the end of the street was bullying him in similar ways. School is big. Choose other friends. There are some people you are distant but polite with ( to stop escalating hostility). Those people are OK to occasionally spend time with, but you don't trust them with your secrets and you never expect them to have your back. The ones who will have your back no matter what are the keepers.
It worked. Nasty boy now calls for DS who retains distant camaraderie.