Sexual Assault by Teens?

[rainysunday7]

There was an incident on a school trip (15 year olds). The boys pinned her down a girl and touched her inappropriately, putting their hands up her top, pulling her hair etc. . There were about seven of them.

It was reported to the school by another student. The school intervied the girl who admitted it had happened. The boys were excluded for a couple of days while the school investigated.

The girl was asked if she wanted to press charges against them, she didn't want to so the boys returned to school.

She has lost most of her friends as they say she should have told them loudly to stop (she said she did) but apparently not loud enough. They said she deserved it as she is a "slag" anyway and wants sympathy. One of the boys was going to spit on her but stopped. Her friends say that he didn't in the end so she should "get over it and stop being an attention seeking drama queen".

Her so called friends are backing up these boys and threatening her on behalf of the boys but the school have only given them a talking to.

Even though it is not my child involved AIBU to be absolutely fuming on her behalf? I cannot do anything about it but every time I think about it, it makes me so angry.

Oh, good grief.
She shouldn't have been out of her seat - there are seat-belts on coaches and people are expected to use them.
She should not have been assaulted. The actions of the boys were criminal.
She should not be forced to make a complaint - MNers are always keen to support the right of women to choose not to complain if that is better for them (the argument 'tell in case they do it again' has been rejected many times).
The 'friends' are girls who have to live in that culture.
It is perfectly possible to be a teacher at the front of a coach and not to know what is happening at the back. If pupils are known to be rowdy teachers are designated to sit at the back.

Encourage her family to get her some counselling.
Other people would know better than me if Rape Crisis and/or Childline might be able to help.

Jesus, this is awful. She's trying to make it go away, which is understandable, but it won't get any better of not confronted and dealt with.. Have you been able to speak to her directly and explore the options and choices she's got. As much as the boys should be dealt with, as well as the poxy school, you don't want to take her choice away again.

I think she should be withdrawn from the school. However her parents think that as she is in year 11, she should stay so as not to interfere with her GCSE's. Absolutely crazy.

These boys are walking around the school as though they have done nothing wrong. Their friends also girls are shouting "slag" at her. She has even had to move PE groups because some of the girls are being horrible to her and refusing to have her on their team. The school know this.

I'm surprised that they haven't been permanently excluded or a much linger period of exclusion. I would also be agast at this happening on a coach and the teachers not realising. Every trip I've supervised pupils are not allowed to leave their seats and staff have to be dotted around the coach - usually two staff at the front and another two towards the rear.
The problem is as the school have minimised the incident, her friends have followed their lead and minimised it as well. In some ways getting the police involved would have sent home how serious the incident was, as the boys would have been interviewed and even if the CPS didn't take it further they would have had a shock.
Ofsted won't be interested as they don't deal with individual complaints about schools. However you could ring NSPCC for advice as how it should have been handled.
Her parents should be documenting everything in writing, finding the bullying policy and following the complaints procedure to the letter and making a polite but firm stink. I would also be asking about the risk assessments for the trip, the mind boggles about how staff weren't aware, or why pupils were allowed to leave their seats.

This echos the problems of sexual harassment at universities. The school needs to involve the police imo, regardless of your niece's 'decision' because an assault has occurred in their care and it is a child safeguarding issue.

I would inform the police myself, the school had no right to even consider her not informing the police.

Your poor, poor neice this is probably going to massively affect her.

Completely unacceptable. Write immediately to the Chair of Govs and the Head teacher. If the school is part of an academy chain, write to the chair of that too. Or at least say you will if the Govs and Head Teacher don't act.

If this was my child, I would go to the police, no question. Spitting on her? Putting their hand up her top?

She'd not be setting foot in that school again, either.

The school ought to have procedures in place to report stuff like this to police automatically.

I don't know about that side of things really but someone here will - child protection.

|I do know this needs to be reported to the police.

Tell them anonymously.

Few-min.

If that was my daughter she would be out the school instantly. I would get the police and go to the papers especially if this is a school which values its reputation. I would want all the boys involved not only stripped of their Prefects status but also booted out the school forthwith.
The Head would be left in no uncertain doubt that I would be furious.

The incident was videoed also. She saw the video but no one would let her have a copy of it for proof, even her so called friends.

The school were informed about the video but did not investigate it.

What's happened is awful but I'm not in the slightest bit surprised at the way her female friends are behaving sadly. OP you're expecting them to be way more mature than they are.

However I would let the school
Know because I think some work is needed by them

This is horrendous, your poor niece hasn't had anybody stand up for her (except you seem to be op) I'd be absolutely furious if that was any of my daughters- I'd go to the police and withdraw her until the boys had been dealt with. Absolutely disgraceful on the schools part. I'd try and have a word with her parents and convince them it's not okay to do nothing. She's still a child!

Ofsted, all the way. This is a safeguarding concern.

The levels of this sort of behaviour have been in the news recently, as apparently sexual assault and harassment are increasingly prevalent in schools. I heard an interview on the Today programme about a week ago, where the interviewee pointed out that schools have policies around all sorts of bad behaviour ( bullying, racism, homophobia, etc, etc - and rightly so) but very little around sexual harassment and it very much tends to be ignored, minimised and generally brushed under the carpet. They made the point that all those other unpleasant things fall under the remit of the Ofsted inspections, but not sexual harassment. Anyway, the only way that will change is if people like this girl make a fuss about it - and that really means the adults in her life refusing to accept that this is in some way ok. You are so right to be fuming, and her parents should ask for a stronger response from the school - no adult would put up with behaviour like that so why should a teenager have to?

I think I agree with going to the papers too however I can see how that might make things worse for your niece. It's awful. Why are her parents not kicking up more of a fuss ie asking school to remove their prefect titles etc. Is it because your niece doesn't want them to? Or are they but the school won't do anything because police aren't involved? If it were my daughter I think I'd want to go against her wishes and go mental at the school, involve the police, papers and get the school and the boys shamed / but wether I wild actually go against her wishes is another thing.

How fucking horrible.

Just shows you rape culture and victim blaming is still alive and well.

You don't have any DC at the same school do you?

I hope her mother rips the school to shreds and I too hope the girls look back in 10 years time and are disgusted at themselves.

The first time I got touched up the guys had a good laugh about it but at least my female friends didn't - it just beggars belief.i bet the boys are popular and the girls don't want to be ostracised by going against them.

Did nobody else intervene?

Blimey it's quite vile really.

for your niece and (sister/brother?)

How horrendous for your niece! Have you spoken with her directly about this? I find her parents' attitude horrific-making her stay in a school which has completely let her down in every way possible so as not to disturb her GCSEs. WTAF!

That is awful, I felt the rage building with every update. They filmed it!? Why are the school allowing footage of child sexual abuse to circulate around the school??? Your poor niece, she is very vulnerable right now and it seems like none of the adults in her life (apart from you op) are supporting her appropriately.

Can you talk to her parents? They simply cannot sit by and let this happen. Their daughter has been sexually abused and is now being severely bullied as a result. I can't comprehend how wrong this is. The consequences for their daughter could be disastrous.

I wouldn't be sending her to school until this was resolved and the perpetrators dealt with appropriately. Ideally via the police but if not then school need to pull their fingers out and deal with it rather than sweep it under the rug.

Could you contact NSPCC for advice?

Actually Ofstead brilliant idea. Dread to think of the damage caused by every day this girl has to take this mental torture. Also getting away with this will do those boys no favours at all as they will end if thinking that attempted sexual assault has no ramifications for them. Be sure they are having a laugh about this. This leads me to think what will they do next to some other poor unsuspecting child. I recently had a Saturday girl wash my hair and she was telling me about how much violent porn boys her age watch and how on a recent night out a boy from her school tried to force her into oral sex in a public place with people watching.

It is NOT up to the victim to 'press charges' or not. not sure where this is coming from, but it is not true.
That poor girl. I am speechless.

In full agreement this should have been dealt with better by the school. The police should be involved and the boys involved not in school. As for the so called friends - I hope they never face anything similar.

I seriously wonder what the parents are thinking as well. Why are they not fighting for their daughter's rights? If the attack was filmed and even if deleted it can be found on the phone by the police a evidence.

I would urge you to speak to the parents and your niece about reporting the incident now. I'd be contacting Ofsted as well. The school has been beyond shit with their handling of this.

She is a child, so surely this should be reported to Child Protective Services? I would contact them, as I don't think this poor girl is getting the help she needs. I can just hear the adults, "now, it's up to you if you want to report it, but you have to think about the fact you have to attend school, see these students' friends, the police will want to know why you went back there, you'll be finished school soon, it might disrupt your studies, etc" Yup, I can imagine the, so called, support she got. Anything the adults can think of to make it go away.

Also yes contact police they can retrieve videos even deleted ones off many devices.

Poor girl.

Wow this is sad but happened to a girl in my school, was raped by a guy and got blamed because "she was a slag"
Some people have a very warped and scary attitude to sexual victims