Sexual Assault by Teens?

[rainysunday7]

There was an incident on a school trip (15 year olds). The boys pinned her down a girl and touched her inappropriately, putting their hands up her top, pulling her hair etc. . There were about seven of them.

It was reported to the school by another student. The school intervied the girl who admitted it had happened. The boys were excluded for a couple of days while the school investigated.

The girl was asked if she wanted to press charges against them, she didn't want to so the boys returned to school.

She has lost most of her friends as they say she should have told them loudly to stop (she said she did) but apparently not loud enough. They said she deserved it as she is a "slag" anyway and wants sympathy. One of the boys was going to spit on her but stopped. Her friends say that he didn't in the end so she should "get over it and stop being an attention seeking drama queen".

Her so called friends are backing up these boys and threatening her on behalf of the boys but the school have only given them a talking to.

Even though it is not my child involved AIBU to be absolutely fuming on her behalf? I cannot do anything about it but every time I think about it, it makes me so angry.

[AdaLovelacesCat]

" The school were informed about the video but did not investigate it."

this is so shocking.

[TheBouquets]

I don't know the actual word for word details but maybe someone here could help. There is something about every single one of us has a duty of care to protect children. In the absence of the parents or the school doing anything worth while about this incident I think you would be well within your responsibilities as an aunt (whether you are a blood aunt or a married aunt i.e. the person married to the blood uncle) to alert the Police and Social Work. You might get good advice from NSPCC helpline. 15 is under age for sexual consent so technically it could be attempted rape.
I d think that you should get advice from someone with more hands on knowledge than me. There is some laws about videoing things and distributing it as well. This is just too awful. I hope as Aunt you can get some help to this poor girl

[PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon]

Is there no possible way to get hold of this video? Is it flying around social media somewhere that can be got to? This is awful. She has been let down by so many. I would be raging if this happened to my niece

[Pollyanna9]

I don't want to outrage any teachers out there but my observational experience is that they are extremely good at completely failing to see even the most overt bullying as and when it occurs. Selective looking I often believe. There is NO excuse for them not to have seen that - absolutely NO excuse. If they didn't, then their are negligent not only in their moral duty to protect all the children on that trip, but they are also in a Position of Trust, and they are substitute parent for all those children whilst they are in their care. This attack must have taken several minutes and I am baffled that they were able to completely miss it - its inexcusable.

Secondly, the friends turning their back on her is not a surprise to me. The power of the 'group' is all encompassing. Nothing even as extreme as this needs to happen for a previously happy child with great friends to suddenly not be included in the group - they don't have to even do anything wrong (speaking from experience as this happened to my DD this year - lost ALL her friends when a previously trouble-making member wanted to return to the group, and lost her absolute BFF as well, so it's been a totally shitty year for her. She too was called a slag and many other names for absolutely no reason). I have no doubt that what your niece is going through is just as awful, but she has a nasty sexual assault to contend with as well although on some levels the awful and nasty behaviour of her 'friends' is probably more hurtful (and I totally do not intend to downplay what happened at all and please please don't think that I'm trying to minimise it, I'm not but I'd like to know how people on here would cope that have a great group of friends if overnight they suddenly didn't talk to you and started hating on you very publicly - it would be so utterly traumatic yet this is what (girls especially) have to try and contend with these days. It's awful and utterly devastating).

Overall I think that school's attitude to bullying is crap, but this was a case of violence, it was an assault - yet they fail to apply the gravity which this incident should receive. To let those boys back into school after a couple of days off is awful and will empower them to do something like this again because there were no significant consequences to their actions.

I think that schools should be doing WAY WAY more to educate about sexual consent and the unrealistic nature (damaging nature) of the porn that all of these lads are likely watching where women are used as objects, where the sex is often violent or domineering, consent never enters the scenario and is it then any wonder that their completely inexperienced selves they feel no issue with pinning that lovely girl down and doing that to her.

She must be in a state of shock and so distressed about what her friends have done to her (using that term 'friends' very loosely of course), and the thought of going back to school to be ostracised by them, cast out by them, and very likely to receive more comments and so on from not only them but from the same boys and possibly also others as well, must be absolutely appalling for her.

My heart goes out to her it really does. And my blood is boiling because the school sound like they have been absolutely pathetic. They should have their arses kicked.

[RubbleBubble00]

There's a freaking video of the assult! I honestly don't know what to advise for the best. I would def persuade her to get counselling asap.

There's seems to be lots of victim blaming. I'm shocked school didn't call in police tbh even if she didn't want to press charges. Can't believe boys involved are still prefects. It's like the school is showing they don't believe her

[ReallyShouldKnowBetterAtMyAge]

Please tell ofsted.

To horrifying to read that something like this can happen and be videod and then brushed under the carpet.

Your niece had to move PE groups? The boys are still prefects? Wtf

[TwigletsMakeMeViolent]

That is fucking horrible. I'm so sorry for your niece, OP. That makes me so angry, you must be burning with rage. I cannot believe the school didn't investigate the video, in this age of social media - who knows where it could end up.

[WomanActually]

Your poor niece

If your niece feels that the boys will make her life even harder or fears what they'll do and given how low conviction rates are, I can understand her not wanting to go that route, it doesn't sound like school have made her feel confident that she will be kept safe either. I'd be frustrated too though, but I'm not sure forcing her to be involved with police will help her. It might be good that she knows that she can change her mind and contact police at a later date and that you and her parents will support her whatever she chooses,

It's disgusting that no punishment has happened from the school or the boys parents, I'm not sure a lack of conviction would matter as students can be excluded for violence towards teachers without legal action, at the very least they shouldn't be in the same lessons as her, if anyone should be moved to a new school it's the boys.

All these boys have learnt is that they can do what the fuck they want to girls and nothing will happen, that people will make excuses for them, that if they intimidate their victim they'll get away with it. It's not your neices fault, it's the fault of a society that still blames girls and women for the sexual violence of males.

If my son had taken part in this I think I genuinely would take him to the police myself. I'd remove him from the school so that his victim doesn't have to worry about seeing him every day, I'd make it clear to him any damage done to his education is down to his actions. I'd want him punished because I'd be worried that he will do it again and that he will move on to rape.

I think your niece is being brilliant still going to school with them, it must be so hard for her, I hope she will be ok

[Champagneformyrealfriends]

why are her parents allowing this to carry on? Don't they have any regard for her emotional wellbeing? If somebody sexually assaulted my DD there is no way I'd be forcing her to see them everyday.

[rainysunday7]

In answer to some questions asked, my children are no longer at the school. There were some incidents but nothing as serious as this, as far as I am aware. I have neighbours whose children attend the school.

The video was uploaded to snapchat. I believe they "disappear" after a certain length of time. No one would let her have a copy of it. The ending at the end of the video referred to her as a "slag". She could apparently be heard telling them to get off. No loud enough though according to her "friends"!

I cannot talk her parents round to reporting it as they left it up to her to decide. It sickens me.

[BigFatGoalie]

1. police
   
2. OFSTED!!!! OFSTED OFSTED OFSTED!!
   
3. Headmaster
   
4. Chairman of Governors.
   Inform all four at the same time. OFSTED is key!
   
   So sorry to read your niece's story...😢

[Twinchaos1]

Poor kid.
There are several separate issues here. The first is the police, the girl would need to provide a video statement about the assault to the police so they take the matter further and if she doesn't want to do that what they can do is limited. Unless there is a copy of the assault on video that can be given to the police, making and distributing indecent images of children has it's own legislation.
Then there is the school, they have a safeguarding duty towards the girl. If this is not happening Social Care could be contacted to establish who the correct person to complain to would be. A referral could also be made to social care which would log the incident with another safeguarding authority and put pressure on the school.

[AdaLovelacesCat]

agree with Big Fat Goalie
This has to happen.
After the one day when all this happens - which it must - perhaps your DN could be given the option of changing schools.

[AdaLovelacesCat]

" That video could be uploaded to the internet "

Possibly it already has, which is why people are being abusive to her in school.

[SarcasmMode]

Rosie is right it could be anywhere.

Phone 101.

[ChasedByBees]

In your situation, I would report this on your niece's behalf to the police - the school have behaved unacceptably here, massively. Also OFSTED. what do her parents think now? Where are you getting the updates from, them or your niece?

[WomanActually]

Lots of posts since I wrote mine, one of the reasons I didn't tell my Mum about something that happened to me at 12 was I knew she'd be angry and phone the police, the thought terrified me, I told my Dad what his friend did when I was about 30 and that I didn't want police involved, the minute he hung up he phoned the police, I understand why he did it, but I always felt that I couldn't trust him after that.

I honestly have no idea what I'd do if it was dd. I'd be torn between doing what she feels best and would worry that if I contacted police without her consent she'd not feel able to disclose and further assaults to me if that makes sense? But it's a big decision to ask a child a make I agree and it may be best of the parents took it out of her hands.

I just wanted to apologise as I guess I was projecting based on what went through my own head at the time when I was assaulted.

[rainysunday7]

I will speak to the NSPCC first, then take it from there. I don't want to cause her anymore upset but doing nothing isn't working.

One of my concerns was getting involved when she isn't my daughter. I have mentioned it to a couple of people who said it has nothing to do with me as she has her parents to deal with this.

[MaddyHatter]

i don't know the legality of it, but honestly, if her parents are being so ineffectual and allowing these boys to get away with sexually assaulting your niece, i would personally decide they are being neglectful and i would report it as a responsible adult and family member in the name of child protection as she is still only 15!!

Please call the police.

[Mummyme1987]

I would call ss and report the school and the boys.

[ghostyslovesheep]

Police
SS
Ofsted
LEA

I'm disgusted by the schools lack of safeguarding - your poor niece

[AdaLovelacesCat]

" I have mentioned it to a couple of people who said it has nothing to do with me as she has her parents to deal with this."

but they havent dealt with it have they? Could you start by talking to them?