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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mum could make a tiny effort

172 replies

Nicpem1982 · 24/09/2016 17:40

It's my dds birthday party next weekend at our local soft play centre it's the whole shabang food play frame disco character face painting etc.

Invites went out and rsvps came back no problem one of the children has a dairy allergy so i spoke to the mom and arranged that she can call the centre and they will go through the allergy book and mom can tell them what dd can eat and play centre will do her separate food but she can eat at the same time as other children, I'm making her dairy free cupcakes in place of birthday cake and non dairy sweets in party bag.

This conversation took place 2 weeks ago when she rsvpd and today the play centre called and informed me that she still hasn't called Aibu to be a bit annoyed that she hasn't?

OP posts:
user1474792594 · 25/09/2016 12:26

Why do you feel the need to make her birthday over a month long?

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 25/09/2016 12:27

User why not?

OP posts:
user1474792594 · 25/09/2016 12:28

Because it's a birthday, not a birthmonth

Puppymouse · 25/09/2016 12:33

My DD is about to turn three and will be lucky to get a Frozen cake and a morning at Granny's. My Mum and I still joke about the one birthday party she organised for me (aged 5) where she and I ended up hiding in the kitchen from all the other children and I never had one again. I'm useless at parties Blush

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 25/09/2016 12:35

So? A party in August means we can have a big family party outside with tonnes of decorations and picnic food.

We've always holidayed in September so why not make that about dd and allow her extra treats because it's nearly her bday?

Why not have extra days out and enriching experiences for her on the run up to her bday while the weathers good?

Other than you user no ones really bothered that that's what we do, I'm not sure if you're upset, confused or
Horrified by It

OP posts:
MissDuke · 25/09/2016 12:36

Op your comments about you doing these things because 'she was a long time coming' concern me slightly. Are you taking time to just relax with her and enjoy her? Your schedule sounds very stressy to me. I was a bit like this with my dd after her being extremely ill at birth. I have settled down now and and am enjoying her far more.

I don't think I would want my dd to come to expect two large parties, a holiday and various day trips out annually for their birthday. It is very important to me that my children are appreciative of what they get, part of that for me is saying 'no' from time to time. I am sure your dd is lovely and perhaps this won't be an issue with her, but it is definitely something to consider.

Hope the party goes well op and that you can relax and enjoy it Flowers

user1474792594 · 25/09/2016 12:36

You're smoking her rotten with material things and that's rarely a good idea.

user1474792594 · 25/09/2016 12:37

*spoiling

AdaLovelacesCat · 25/09/2016 12:40

" We've always holidayed in September so why not make that about dd and allow her extra treats because it's nearly her bday? "

you are building up a nightmare for yourself in the future, really.
Why not just take the holiday and have days out, as normal?
why make them about ur DD's birthday?

A birthday is a DAY the clue is in the name.
What about the future when you do not have any money (it does happen) and she will be whining and screaming for this that and the other throughout the weeks leading to her birthday?

Hellish.

user1474792594 · 25/09/2016 12:42

I'd be saying no to socialising with you and her after the first while when I copped on. Because the pressure on me to do the same would be immense and I can't afford that.

balence49 · 25/09/2016 12:43

This child will be one of the women that come on here bleating about how they didn't get what was on the list they had picked out for their birthday... At 35!
I really can't get my head around adults who honestly think that their birthday is anything other than just another day.

user1474792594 · 25/09/2016 12:44

How are you going to do all that when she is at school?

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 25/09/2016 12:45

Puppy that's hilarious I'm sure your not rubbish at parties and I bet ur dd is delighted what ever you chose to do.

Miss duke - through the year we go on a lot of days out and do a lot of activities together as a family that can range from pond dipping, picnics in the forest and bug hunting to theme parks, the beach and baking at home.

Between the days out we have down time as a family where we will play with her toys or watch a movie we try and do everything in balance.

Her birthday and Christmas are where we let our hair down so to speak and we really increase the days out etc and have her parties, not concerned about her coming to expect days out and holidays as we've always holidayed in September even pre baby as its not too hot fr dh this is likely to continue.

She does get told no on occasion tho :)

OP posts:
user1474792594 · 25/09/2016 12:46

She's going to end up a spoilt girl if you aren't careful. And that will cause difficulties for her making friends.

sharond101 · 25/09/2016 12:49

I'd send a text saying the centre had contacted you and you had advised a dairy free meal is needed and that if anymore clarity is needed then could she contact centre direct and give her the number. I wouldn't go out of my way to bake cupcakes, many birthday cakes and off the shelf cakes are dairy free anyway and she might not even show up. These are dairy free, groceries.asda.com/product/cupcakes-muffins-fairy-cakes/asda-plain-fairy-cakes/82066053
My Daughter has a diary allergy and I wouldn't be expecting anyone else to sort out her food. I usually take her food with me to avoid risk of cross contamination etc. Maybe the Mum routinely does that?

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 25/09/2016 12:53

User - she has 5 presents for her birthday this year three are educational toys hardly a massive pile of material things? She also doesn't have presents at the family party in August it's not about that it's about her having fun with her family and eating cake end of.

My dh and I both work hard to save for these things and to have the nice days out and to celebrate her birthday how we see fit.

As for pressure on others to do the same Hmm we've had the same group of mum friends since dds birth and you know what we all do different things have different priorities and respect each other's parenting choices and styles no one applies pressure to anyone else at all and we always have a lovely time what ever we do together.

OP posts:
yeOldeTrout · 25/09/2016 12:54

Well done to OP for staying good humoured in face of criticisms.

user1474792594 · 25/09/2016 12:54

She's having a holiday. Days outs and presents. And you aren't always going to have the same friends.

I'm quite sure all your friends don't always think it's lovely.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 25/09/2016 12:54

Ada- we enjoy the build up with her

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 25/09/2016 13:00

User - are you quite sure our friends don't think it's lovely? I only ask because I've gotten to know them quite well over the last 2 years and I'm pretty sure that I'd know if some one wasn't having a good time when we were all out although I'll double check with them as a complete stranger making snap judgements off the internet might know better .....

Me and my dh are having a holiday too we don't send her on her own it's a family holiday sorry for the confusion.

OP posts:
user1474792594 · 25/09/2016 13:02

Whatever. I've seen a family member do almost the same as you and it didn't end well, despite people telling them it was lovely on the day. There was a ton of bitching behind the parents backs. However, You seem sure sure none of your friends or family would do that Smile. I do hope you have a lovely party.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 25/09/2016 13:07

Maybe we've got friends who hold the same values as us as they all regularly go on family days out and holidays too i also know that they wouldn't bitch behind my back - straight to my face more like Grin

OP posts:
user1474792594 · 25/09/2016 13:09

It's great it's like that for you now, but your DD is 2 - that will not stay the same as your DD grows and develops friends at school for example.

lifesalongsong · 25/09/2016 13:12

I'd also worry that your DD is going to grow up to think that the whole world should be revolving around her, it really isn't good to make such a fuss of a child, how will she learn how to function in the way that everyone else does.

You can see from your replies that this isn't the norm, I'd be surprised if many of your friends share your views.

You might want to rethink your September holidays once she starts school.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 25/09/2016 13:12

And as I said previously as things change we go with the flow we've been child led where appropriate since birth so we take our lead from dd.

OP posts:
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