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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mum could make a tiny effort

172 replies

Nicpem1982 · 24/09/2016 17:40

It's my dds birthday party next weekend at our local soft play centre it's the whole shabang food play frame disco character face painting etc.

Invites went out and rsvps came back no problem one of the children has a dairy allergy so i spoke to the mom and arranged that she can call the centre and they will go through the allergy book and mom can tell them what dd can eat and play centre will do her separate food but she can eat at the same time as other children, I'm making her dairy free cupcakes in place of birthday cake and non dairy sweets in party bag.

This conversation took place 2 weeks ago when she rsvpd and today the play centre called and informed me that she still hasn't called Aibu to be a bit annoyed that she hasn't?

OP posts:
PansyGiraffe · 24/09/2016 21:09

Bit harsh there Ada - this isn't just straightforward "so and so is veggie" - OP's already taking care of the dairy free cakes and party bags. I think it's fair enough that she asks the parent to talk to the centre so she doesn't get something wrong - and as a parent in that situation I would rather be sure no wires had got crossed along the way, because I'd be the one dealing with the problems if so.

BalloonSlayer · 24/09/2016 21:29

She has still got a week to talk to them.

It's possible that - from experience - she has found that if she speaks to the venue too far in advance the venue is likely to forget.

I have DCs with similar allergies, I would probably not contact the venue for a kids' party until quite near the time. I have spoken to a wedding planner at a wedding venue with more time to spare but that's a wedding!

So it could be that

Or

There are people who claim severe allergies when it isn't really the case. As I say, one of my DCs has serious ones and has to have special food or else he'd be in trouble. A Mum I knew told me her DC now had a serious milk allergy. I was very sympathetic as this is my DC's main allergy. She knew all about him and talked as if her DC was similarly allergic. We spoke about it at length. Shortly afterwards there was a party and she was bringing special food for him to have because he couldn't eat the party food. They arrived but with no special food. Mum didn't stay although most parents were staying (I was always the last Mum to still stay at parties, eg when DC was 7, because of the allergies, but this was when DCs were 4 or 5 when most parents stay). She said he would be OK "as long as he didn't eat anything with a lot of milk in it" and swanned off. Other Mums spent most of the mealtimes anxiously on the phone to her worrying about what he should eat while she dictated what he would be OK with over the phone. Dessert arrived and was ice cream. DC was offered an ice lolly instead which he didn't want and got upset. Mum was phoned again and she said "Oh he can have it if he wants it." Hmm Given that one lick of ice cream had meant I had to call an ambulance for my DC, you can imagine how I viewed the situation of this poor child whom I had been told was "seriously allergic." Mind you the Mum had held court for months over her severe life-threatening (inc hosp admissions) wheat allergy then tucked in to cheese and biscuits in front of us all at a restaurant saying with mouth full and a big grin "I shouldn't be eating this really" so I shouldn't have been all that surprised.

Jizzomelette · 24/09/2016 21:31

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pontificationcentral · 24/09/2016 21:36

I'm a teensy bit boggled. I assumed your dd was about 7, not 1.

You know that not a single child is going to remember a single thing about this party, or care, right?

Hope you all have a lovely time... You might want to start checking out venues for the 4th and 5th birthdays. Expectations just soar once school is involved.

zzzzz · 24/09/2016 21:42

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 24/09/2016 21:46

This is her second birthday and no she's not 7 Smile I'm not sure why I'm being called bonkers by some replies she was a long time arriving so we want to make the most of her.

I don't care if a single child remembers this party its not important as long as they enjoy it that's all we care about its family and friends together celebrating with cake my dd remembering it is irrelevant.

As for the pp asking what if she changes her mind between 2 and 3 to shed a little light her bday celebrations start on the August bank holiday weekend with a family bbq and party, and we have various days out holidays until her birthday at the end of sept so the actual party is a really small part so scouting a venue isn't a problem it's very general we looking at our local zoo for example.

OP posts:
zzzzz · 24/09/2016 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 24/09/2016 21:54

Jizzomlette - not everyone books so far in advance and that's fine for them but for us the right day time and venue is important to others it's not and that's fine.

ill see the mum tomorrow and give her a gentle nudge I genuinely worry that her dd will get a food item she can't eat and become ill, I think the more time the venue have to arrange her requirements means their less likely to wing it and cause the little girl angst

OP posts:
Muskateersmummy · 24/09/2016 21:59

I think you have to accept that the way you parent and organise things, and they way she does are very different.

I'm like you, a planner by nature, everything is booked and organised months in advance and then checked just before. She's clearly more a do it nearer the time type of person. Neither way is better than the other. She may have forgotten, she may have decided it's easier to bring something with her, she may just be winging it. But either way once you have reminded her, there's not much more you can do. Don't worry just enjoy the party

Ringadingdingdong22 · 24/09/2016 22:02

You start celebrating her birthday a month in advance?! Hmm

Bloody hell you'll be bankrupt by the time her 21st comes round.

WiIdfire · 24/09/2016 22:02

Holy a months worth of celebrations for a birthday??? My boy turned 1 this year and I didn't even get him a present. I made a cake - it was a bit of a disaster. Had two local mummies and babies round for a drink in the afternoon... And that was it.

Gosh.
I'm such a crap mummy 😂

WiIdfire · 24/09/2016 22:03

(Don't think you are crazy or anything, just a bit in awe!)

Jizzomelette · 24/09/2016 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HardToDeal · 24/09/2016 22:16

The best venues! Brilliant. I usually end up taking my DC to the same soft play three weekends in a row because people go "oh, that'll do"! They still seem to enjoy it exactly the same, and it's still the same combination of poor coffee and bitching behind people's backs for the parents.

chinlo · 24/09/2016 22:42

I don't think you need to be annoyed. Just remind her next time you see her. If she still doesn't do it, well then it's her decision and her fault if her kid goes hungry.

Coconutty · 24/09/2016 22:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MerryInthechelseahotel · 24/09/2016 23:01

Is it a joke?

38cody · 24/09/2016 23:02

Shit - my DS no.3 was 9 on 1st Sept -still haven't got round to organising a party...will do it on Monday...felt bad before, feel totally inadequate now. I could book his 10th party at the same time but by next year I'd have forgotten what I'd booked.
Can't wait for op's post when it comes to getting a school place...one to watch for sure!

trufflehunterthebadger · 24/09/2016 23:31

I dont get it.

On the 29th august you had a birthday party for your 2yo daughter with about 20 children. So do you have a stash of 2 yo children ? Or has your 2yo daughter had several parties ? Or is she like the Queen, having 2 birthdays ? Or was there so much uproar about the lack of party bags at party 1 that you had to invite them back to a ridiculously overpriced party later in the month ?

Whatever it is, you need to find a) a hobby or b) a job. Planning a party for a 3yo 12 months in advance to secure the best possible venue is comically ridiculous.

trufflehunterthebadger · 24/09/2016 23:33

I'm not sure why I'm being called bonkers by some replies she was a long time arriving so we want to make the most of her

Ah. That explains it. Those of us who got pregnant quickly don't give a fuck about out kids or their birthdays which is why we just have a party tea at home

trufflehunterthebadger · 24/09/2016 23:38

Oh and finally...

You will have a fit when she goes to school as most people dole out invites the week before for the same 3 venues and lots don't rsvp to your invite until the day before (if you are lucky and they rsvp at all)

AndNowItsSeven · 24/09/2016 23:39

You are so right truffle, I have seven dc so birthdays are ten a penny. In fact I even made two of mine share a birthday.

AndieNZ · 24/09/2016 23:48

When I was reading the post, I thought you were going to say AIBU to be annoyed as hardly anyone has RSVPd?

I remember ripping my hair out chasing parents RSVPs as the invites get lost in school bags/forgotten about etc etc and it's a nightmare planning an organised party not having exact numbers.

But to post a thread on a AIBU forum to be annoyed as one parent has RSVPd but not got around to sorting out the dietary requirements of her child a week before the party?

Err just give her a gently nudge and calm down and stop stressing! As a mum to grown up kids, you have got a long slog ahead of you if you don't take a step back and chill! that's all I can say if youre stressing about this!!

Or is it true that someone above said it was a wind up?

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/09/2016 06:27

AndNowItsSeven. "Birthdays are ten a penny". That was a bit of an insensitive comment. Not for people, who've struggled with fertility for years. My Dd was a long time coming and for dh and me they are a big deal. We only managed one child with more than one round of IVF.

Deciding party venues a year in advance is mind boggling. My dd has decided what she wanted from age 5 onwards. She's not good at making decisions so we normally book about 2 months in advance. Your child will want to decide too and if she's anything like dd, this will change several times over the year.

lightgreenglass · 25/09/2016 06:41

I take it back that amount of effort for a 2nd birthday Shock

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