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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mum could make a tiny effort

172 replies

Nicpem1982 · 24/09/2016 17:40

It's my dds birthday party next weekend at our local soft play centre it's the whole shabang food play frame disco character face painting etc.

Invites went out and rsvps came back no problem one of the children has a dairy allergy so i spoke to the mom and arranged that she can call the centre and they will go through the allergy book and mom can tell them what dd can eat and play centre will do her separate food but she can eat at the same time as other children, I'm making her dairy free cupcakes in place of birthday cake and non dairy sweets in party bag.

This conversation took place 2 weeks ago when she rsvpd and today the play centre called and informed me that she still hasn't called Aibu to be a bit annoyed that she hasn't?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 24/09/2016 19:33

They've also been brilliant in acxomadating a family friend with SEN who's 29 and loves to play with my 2 yr old dd and will be included in the aspects of the party that are appropriate for her

OP posts:
SleepyRoo · 24/09/2016 19:35

29?
Hmm

Bloopbleep · 24/09/2016 19:36

£18 a head for a 2year oldsparty? Ooft

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 24/09/2016 19:37

Yes she's 29 but her behaviour is that of a toddler due to her Sen so she likes to be included and I'm more than happy for her to be

OP posts:
Ameliablue · 24/09/2016 19:40

With this sort of thing, I wouldn't want to phone too early as would then worry they would be forgotten, if something from the regular menu is suitable, it shouldn't need to be arranged so far in advance.

Meowlster · 24/09/2016 19:51

But dairy free is what she's used to, so whilst she can't be relaxed about it, she also has to, as part of her daily life with her kids, rock up to cafes etc and work out what her DC can / can't eat. What you've done is brilliant, and above and beyond what most people do, and I'm sure she's very grateful, but the ball is in her court now, so sent a quick text as suggested by pp and stop worrying about it.

Ringadingdingdong22 · 24/09/2016 19:58

I understand when you're the party organiser it's on your mind and you stress about people not turning up etc. But I think you're getting yourself overly worked up about this. I probably wouldn't ring up until the week before if it was me. They must cater for allergies all the time. I shouldn't think it would be a huge issue even if she rang the day before.

Seriously chill out a bit it's not worth your angst.

CorkieD · 24/09/2016 19:58

I would have the same opinion, Ameliablue. I would be of the opinion if I ring closer to the time, it is less likely to be forgotton.

I don't understand why everything has to be arranged so far in advance? It's a toddler party in a play centre not a wedding.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 24/09/2016 20:10

The play centre clearly haven't forgotten as they called me to chase the mum so they're aware that they may have to order specific food/prepare .

Things are booked and organised in advance, this party was booked in March and when I called they only had one slot left on the day we wanted. We're already scouting venues for her third birthday to book that, its how u get the best venues on the day you want and don't end up with what's left....

OP posts:
longdiling · 24/09/2016 20:16

Blimey. You are way more organised than the average person OP. You need to lower your expectations of your neighbour a little. You like everything sorted way in advance but not everybody works like that.

Jizzomelette · 24/09/2016 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 24/09/2016 20:24

No we're not having a laugh. Why is it utterly unnecessary? Because we want some where lovely? Something she'll enjoy? Things take planning we don't really book/plan/buy anything until Jan

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 24/09/2016 20:24

We do birthdays big it takes planning

OP posts:
lightgreenglass · 24/09/2016 20:28

I'm guess DD is 2 and this is her 3rd birthday party?

Just mention to her tomorrow, if she doesn't get in contact then it's her fault and you can mention it at the party if she gets huffy.

If you want to a party for your DD then don't let randomers off the internet put you down - I've seen some 3 year olds love their parties and that alone is worth it.

CorkieD · 24/09/2016 20:36

Disregard my previous advice, OP.

I have honestly never heard of anyone checking out birthday party venues so far ahead Shock I think we live in different universes.

PerspicaciaTick · 24/09/2016 20:37

How will you know what sort of things your DD wants to do if you book do far in advance? They change so much between 2 and 3.

Ameliablue · 24/09/2016 20:37

Whilst it is good that the venue hasn't forgotten, it is still unreasonable to get narky that the mum hasn't phoned yet.

CoffeeAtLukes · 24/09/2016 20:37

Planning a kids party a year in advance! It's like a different world Confused that seriously cannot be true.

T0ldmywrath · 24/09/2016 20:37

You sound lovely Nicpem we used to include my adult dear sibling in our children's parties- he had Down's syndrome & really enjoyed joining in with stuff. (sadly passed away now)

Yes I think a gentle reminder along the lines of Sheldon's post "Text the mum "play centre are chasing me up re your DD's food, I've told them she needs dairy free, if you think they need any more info than that can you call them tomorrow to clarify. Thanks" "

SuePermario · 24/09/2016 20:45

What's the point of posting on AIBU if you don't like it when ppl tell you that you're BU?? There's organised....and then there's this

SuePermario · 24/09/2016 20:45

What's the point of posting on AIBU if you don't like it when ppl tell you that you're BU?? There's organised....and then there's this

Notso · 24/09/2016 20:52

I wouldn't be bothered by this a week before. I've got a son with a peanut allergy and I prefer to speak to people about this sort of thing reasonably close to the event so it is fresh in people's minds, because in my experience people frequently forget.

Am also shocked at £18 a head plus party bags!

Mistylake · 24/09/2016 20:57

As a mum of a kid with food allergies: I'd really appreciate someone baking extra and making a separate party bag, that's very considerate and most people don't bother even if they know your child won't be able to eat any of the cake, or the chocolate, or most other things.

What'd upset me is the impression that it is a 'tiny' effort. Every shopping trip, every picnic, BBQ, every school dinner/trip/snack time/treat box/birthday, every visit to a friend, every party, everything to do with food requires you to make these special arrangements, and to either ring ahead and organise or remember to bring food and treats. If you get it wrong, you've got a child who can be in severe pain, has diarrhoea for a week or more, misses loads of school, immune system is affected and she catches every bug going... So yes, it's up to the parent to sort and they need to make the effort and take responsibility, but a kind reminder would be great. she could probably do without fearing that she's seen as the one 'complaining' and without a ''just leave her to it, her problem'. It is really really nice when others, like OP has done, try to make life easier rather than making it seem like a nuisance

AdaLovelacesCat · 24/09/2016 20:58

no offence but it is your party , not hers. It is up to you to make the effort to provide suitable food for her child, not her.

AndNowItsSeven · 24/09/2016 21:05

No light green the dd is one and the op is bonkers.

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