Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this mum could make a tiny effort

172 replies

Nicpem1982 · 24/09/2016 17:40

It's my dds birthday party next weekend at our local soft play centre it's the whole shabang food play frame disco character face painting etc.

Invites went out and rsvps came back no problem one of the children has a dairy allergy so i spoke to the mom and arranged that she can call the centre and they will go through the allergy book and mom can tell them what dd can eat and play centre will do her separate food but she can eat at the same time as other children, I'm making her dairy free cupcakes in place of birthday cake and non dairy sweets in party bag.

This conversation took place 2 weeks ago when she rsvpd and today the play centre called and informed me that she still hasn't called Aibu to be a bit annoyed that she hasn't?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 25/09/2016 07:08

I don't have a stash of 2 year olds I have a large family with lots of children of all ages in it and I will not leave children out (accept the cow that complained about her kids party bags in August) she has 2 parties a year one for family who live in one area and another for friends who live near me its 2 different guest lists.

In between the 2 parties she has birthday treats like days out and we normally go on holiday too in September.

At no point have I said anyone is a crap mum/dad for not doing what we do everyone does it differently.

And for the record I have a job and a hobby, but thanks for your input Grin.

When my dd is old enough to pick her parties she can and well book what she wants for whom she wants to.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 25/09/2016 07:11

Oh and no it's not a wind up

OP posts:
Sootica · 25/09/2016 07:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 25/09/2016 07:45

It is only the second year we've done this re 2 parties etc, I know things will change as she get older and the local guest list swells to 45/50 because of school but we will just go with the flow and like everything be lead by dd, unfortunately a second child doesn't look likely for us so circumstances are unlikely to change regarding that.

When I see my neighbour today I'll give her a nudge to remind her to call and check in with the centre to ensure she has on Wednesday.

OP posts:
ChickenSalad · 25/09/2016 08:20

You could approach it differently. Ask the centre what they will provide in the way of dairy-free food for her DC, forward this to the mum, and ask her to call them if she wants to discuss anything.

Then the matter is dealt with unless she has a problem, but the risk and the issue is then firmly in her court.

AndNowItsSeven · 25/09/2016 10:18

Mummy I was clearly joking, both birthdays and indeed my children are very important to me.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/09/2016 10:34

Ok seven Smile

AndNowItsSeven · 25/09/2016 10:39

Sorry mummy I didn't mean to be insensitive. Not all my pregnancies were easy I have had two losses , and twins in intensive care with taps ( a rare form of twin to twin transfusion syndrome)
I am glad you have your precious dd.

schbittery · 25/09/2016 10:48

why will the guestlist swell to 50 at school, most people do full class parties only so thats 30 odd. I do know what you mean about having a large family yhough, it does complicate things. what we have ended up doing is having a famil tea oaety on the day if their birthdays in the evening and then the kids party at the nearest weekend with school.class and one best friend from outside schools. With 3 kids thats 6 parties a year and, trust me, that is way enough. I thibk you did all that last year for the first birthday of a much loved and waited for baby - totally normal. Not sure you need to be doing all that every year as that will be hard work once at school!

totally normal to go OTT with PFB though Grin

Back to the party, i have to be honest and say i thibk it would be my job to arrnage the food so i wpuld have taken the requirements from the mother and communicated them to the playcentre. I wonder if she is annoyed about that and that is why she is holding off? (as she has der children so is used to more standard school parties?) I dont even ask anynore, just do no nuts and a choice of sandwiches. IME they barely eat the food at parties anyway as theyre too busy tearing around.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/09/2016 11:10

Honestly seven I said it was ok. Thanks for your words and for sharing your struggles. Smile.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/09/2016 11:12

Your poor babies - seven. Sorry posted before I'd really understood what you said. I hope they're ok.

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 25/09/2016 11:15

Christ! I feel sorry for the other mum. In her shoes I'd just discuss on the day. You sound a nightmare.

user1474792594 · 25/09/2016 11:19

I don't understand why you're panicking? There's ages yet.

Farmmummy · 25/09/2016 11:34

Well I think you sound lovely for doing so much op! I have had my own different struggles but I dread the birthday parties can I get you to organise mine please? (I'll still do the cake etc just not the organising!)

MrsHathaway · 25/09/2016 11:53

If the venue has been told there are unspecified complicated allergies then they want to know in good time so they can plan, look up recipes, order in particular food, etc etc. No point just deciding to wing it and then realising on the day that she's allergic to soya so can't have the dairy-free spread they keep in the fridge for df customers, oh and shit this bread has soya in it too but hey there's crackers ... shit they're sesame ... and so on. A venue that charges the best part of twenty quid per child (x20=£360 and that's not including cake or party bags ) will take its catering seriously.

Confusednotcom · 25/09/2016 11:53

If I was in your shoes I would ask for the info from the parent to pass on to the play centre, unless they've said it's easier for them to go direct. Have a passing word.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 25/09/2016 11:58

Dontblameme- you're right I'm a total nightmare for wanting to ensure that the food her child eats at the party doesn't make her Ill and screaming in pain with stomach cramps, as I previously posted the little girl doesn't have a straight forward dairy allergy and I'm not confident in what she can and can't eat so wouldn't be liaising with the play centre on her behalf.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 25/09/2016 12:05

Schbittery- guest lists will swell to 45/50 when my dd is at school as there's around 30 in a class plus her friends who aren't in her class at school as she does and will continue to have dance, gymnastics and swimming classes for the foreseeable.

Hopefully they will eat at least some of the food the menu sounds quite nice

OP posts:
user1474792594 · 25/09/2016 12:09

You are going way over the top for a kids party.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 25/09/2016 12:10

So how should a kids party be done user?

OP posts:
user1474792594 · 25/09/2016 12:15

You don't need 50 kids. That's totally excessive.

Puppymouse · 25/09/2016 12:19

"she does and will continue to have dance, gymnastics and swimming classes for the foreseeable."

She's just turned two? Confused

I'm slightly in awe of you and slightly terrified at the same time OP.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 25/09/2016 12:20

There's not 50 children at this party i do however envision that once my dd starts school that the guest list will swell as whole class parties are common and my dd does other activities so 45/50 children isn't a stretch

OP posts:
user1474792594 · 25/09/2016 12:24

You don't have to invite every child she knows to her parties.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 25/09/2016 12:25

Puppy- she's 2 this week.

We've been taking her swimming since she was 16 weeks, gym from 14 months and ballet from 16 months. She really enjoys them and we want her to continue to have an active lifestyle as she grows up but we accept the activities may change.

You don't need to be terrified puppy I'm lovely really Smile

OP posts: