To trust dads, more than men without children, at parks? :(

[debson]

I feel bad about this, but I have no clue if it's a normal way to feel and I can normally guess what Mumsnet would say so don't bother, but I really don't know about this.

I was in the park earlier with DC (5 and 9) I always sit on the bench closest to the only exist.

There have been a couple of times when a father (who clearly has DC at the park) help youngest DD onto the monkey bars for example, then just go with their kids on to a different bit of equipment. We are a friendly village and do tend to interact with the DC (if it's obvious they go to same school, etc.)

However, I've had it once where (and this is with 9 year old DD and no contact involved) a man was pointing to bits of the rope that DD should put her foot onto (you know, to help her get to the top) and I went over and made casual convo and he had no children there

Is it wrong to have not even thought for a second about that dad, but felt uneasy about that man for the rest of the time while we were there?

Would you be in the playground without your DD?

Elisheva

I assume that if you where uncomfortable with the lone man talking to your child you would be straight over there and putting yourself between them/finding out what they where doing..

Yes of course, but like I said earlier my ds and his friends sometimes go to the playground by themselves.

and you have taught them to look after themselves an tell you if any boundaries have been crossed.

Because if you where that worried they wouldn't be going to the park by themselves.

I am worried, constantly, and the attitude of people on the thread compound that. But I cannot keep him by my side forever (much as I want to). If I heard that a man was hanging out at the playground, DS would not be going there.

Well this thread has been educational. I'm a childfree woman. I chose not ot have children, but that doesn't make a me a paedophile any more than it makes anyone else on the thread a paedophile.
From time to time I enjoy watching children play, hearing them laugh and happy in the high spirits of youth.
It would never have occurred to me that parents think I'm likely to be intent on harming them if I choose to sit in the play area of the park!
So thank you for giving me an insight into how (some) parents think.

Presumably if your child is ever in danger and the nearest adult is childfree or an empty nester or god forbid a parent who has lost their only child, you wouldn't want us to help your child? Or does this only work one way?

It should not be children's responsibility to keep themselves safe, that's our job. And part of that is the right, and the responsibility, to challenge suspicious behaviour. I fear that in our desire to be non judgemental we would overlook situations that need intervention.

"Cally, you are sounding more and more hysterical and irrational."
Erm...no she isn't. Her posts and points make complete sense.

by all means question and intervene, but at what point do you intervene?

When they are sat on the bench? As soon as they move off the bench? When they talk to your child? Picking your child up off the floor because they have hurt themselves?

Posters on here are saying that just being in the vicinity of a park where children play is enough to cause them concern. Even to calling/inferring that lone men are paedophiles.

Would you be in the playground without your DD?

Yeah, using the gym equipment or the parkour equipment, have done a few times.

Also the only benches are in the play area - a popular hang out spot for the local teens but occasionally adults sit down there as well without kids.

Thank you Poppy.

I'm not hysterical, I am really baffled so many of you would apparently be completely okay with an adult hanging round a playground without a child they are accompanying.

Would it be okay for a retired teacher to go and watch a child's swimming lesson?

Acceptable for a lonely widower to go and get a coffee and sit in a soft play centre?

Would everyone honestly be like 'aw totally normal!' if you said to your partners/dads 'what did you get up to today?' and they said 'I stood in a kids playground and watched the children and chatted to a few!'

Since we've established only stupid people believe in paedophiles I think some people are so eager to prove themselves intelligent and loftily beyond 'all that' they don't see a risk when it's practically in neon lights!

Would it be okay for a retired teacher to go and watch a child's swimming lesson?

Of course it would if it is a public area.

Would everyone honestly be like 'aw totally normal!' if you said to your partners/dads 'what did you get up to today?' and they said 'I stood in a kids playground and watched the children and chatted to a few!'

Yes, unless they were there all day, and it was part of a their daily routine, rest during a stroll, lunch, reading paper etc. It's a public area, what part of that do you not understand? You have no right to object to anyone being there. Members of the public are allowed in public areas.

The only soft play area I know of (they sound dreadful) is one in a pub. So I would expect adults without children to be there.

they don't see a risk when it's practically in neon lights!

A lone adult in a public area is not likely to be a paedophile. The neon lights are only in your head.

Of course I believe in paedophiles, I've already said I was abused. But not in a park with dozens of people about, and not by a stranger.

Your idea of what is risky behaviour is warped. Look to your friends and family first. Then strangers.

Not a popular opinion, but im like a pp who said they see risk everywhere. As far as I'm concerned I treat every man, yes man, not woman, as a risk. Doesn't mean I think they are a perv but they are a risk until I see evidene to the contary. Doesn't mean I am hostile or rude or walk around terrified, I am very aware and hyper vigilant, which is a symptom of ptsd that I am not eager to rid myself of. Too much danger others just don't see.

This situation would have alerted me but not necessarily worried me.

callycat1

Would it be okay for a retired teacher to go and watch a child's swimming lesson?

The swimming pool where I used to live has a cafe with windows that look in to the pool.

Acceptable for a lonely widower to go and get a coffee and sit in a soft play centre?

Soft play centres are normally indoors and privately owned, not simlilar to the op.

Would everyone honestly be like 'aw totally normal!' if you said to your partners/dads 'what did you get up to today?' and they said 'I stood in a kids playground and watched the children and chatted to a few!'

Depends who said it, my divorced friends who have limited time with their children, my bereaved friend who lost his son, my friend who sits on the benches in the park to eat his lunch, my friends who have been through IVF and can't have children. Yes, I would think totally normal.

Since we've established only stupid people believe in paedophiles I think some people are so eager to prove themselves intelligent and loftily beyond 'all that' they don't see a risk when it's practically in neon lights!

No-one has said that paedophiles don't exist.

I wouldn't trust anyone but I would be friendly and give them the benefit of the doubt and keep an eye on them- whether male or female, alone or without kids. If I felt uncomfortable or uneasy I'd trust my instincts and leave the park.

Sadly I have friends who've been abused in different ways and while stepdad/dad were the sexual abusers, in one case the mother was a facilitator and would encourage sleepovers.

Did you ask him why he was there op? You said you made conversation and found out he had no kids there.

I was at a large park with DD (9) over the summer. She ran on ahead to the equipment. I can no longer run, so ambled behind her. She'd gone straight onto the high monkey bars, got scared and couldn't get down, so she'd called out to a random middle-aged man standing near the equipment to help her.

When I reached her this poor man was in a panic, trying to shout his teenage daughter over from the next block of equipment because he didn't want to touch my DD, but being worried that if he moved away she'd fall. He was so relieved when he realised I was with her but desperate to try to explain he didn't mean her any harm. I felt for him, because he just didn't know what to do for the best, and had words with DD about putting somebody in that position.

Trouble is my DH works weekends and never comes out with us, plus she has adult brothers, so she will always ask a "daddy"/brother to help her. Before Crimewatch last week it hadn't occurred to me she could be in danger in broad daylight.

Chipsahoy

Doesn't mean I think they are a perv but they are a risk until I see evidence to the contrary.

What evidence do you accept? How does anyone prove a negative?

Natsku

Also the only benches are in the play area

That applies to the park I mentioned earlier. If I am using the park (and it's my park too) and want to sit down and read or just rest, it's the play area or nothing. I would not for my own protection interact with anybody else's child, unless I suppose in the sort of emergency which EwanWhoseArmy describes.

So many of you honestly need to get the fuck over yourselves.

Maybe he doesn't have children but was there with a niece/nephew/friends child?
I don't like the view that most men are peadophiles

I was at our local playpark last weekend with my girls, and I was helping them on the big climbing frame, when I saw this little boy (probably 3) trying to get out on the horizontal rope ladder. He was way too small to be up there (how he actually got up there is beyond me) and was obviously going to come a cropper.

I couldn't see a parent next to us, and didn't want to turn my back on him just in case, so I spoke to him, saw that he was a bit scared at being up so high, and helped him down.

Now, according to some of what I've read here, I shouldn't have spoken to him, much less took hold of him to help him down, but I don't have a doubt it was the right thing to do in the circumstances.

I don't like the view that most men are peadophiles
This is something that maybe .001% of the population actually think.

Oh god, the wilful obtuseness is ridiculous. What if this what if that... use your common sense.

Sorry posted too soon...

However, I would view a man/woman alone in a play park without any children as strange.

One thing I don't think has been mentioned is that single men on playgrounds who have smartphones with them could well be playing Pokemon Go. Many playgrounds are poke stops or gyms where you can collect stuff and fight your Pokemon. So it could look like someone is taking pics when they are not. I know which a few middle aged men and women who play it and don have young kids who could well look dodgy sitting alone in parks. I've also noticed an increase in single guys in our local park, particularly when a 'lure' has been placed on the park stop which attracts Pokemon. They usually look embarrassed and uncomfortable when I catch their eye but I always smile as its obvious (to me) what they're doing. Of course it could be used as a cover for more sinister reasons but I prefer to give them the benefit of the doubt.