To trust dads, more than men without children, at parks? :(

[debson]

I feel bad about this, but I have no clue if it's a normal way to feel and I can normally guess what Mumsnet would say so don't bother, but I really don't know about this.

I was in the park earlier with DC (5 and 9) I always sit on the bench closest to the only exist.

There have been a couple of times when a father (who clearly has DC at the park) help youngest DD onto the monkey bars for example, then just go with their kids on to a different bit of equipment. We are a friendly village and do tend to interact with the DC (if it's obvious they go to same school, etc.)

However, I've had it once where (and this is with 9 year old DD and no contact involved) a man was pointing to bits of the rope that DD should put her foot onto (you know, to help her get to the top) and I went over and made casual convo and he had no children there

Is it wrong to have not even thought for a second about that dad, but felt uneasy about that man for the rest of the time while we were there?

I can't understand why people are acting like its a normal thing to go into a play park without kids. You wouldn't go to soft play for the ambience would you? Not without a child!

Callycat

I am amazed that some posters think that childless men should avoid parks because children and neurotic mothers are there.

It's not about being a neurotic mother Boney but going to a playground just to watch children is pretty peculiar and is akin to sitting in a soft play centre or a school playground!

callycat

This isn't about play parks or soft play, this is about a park with a play area in it.

But the OP is talking about the man being in the play area, not the park

Yes, I think we've established that no one objects to lone men being in a park, but think that perhaps they shouldn't be in a playground.

But what if the playground has adult exercise equipment in? Should lone men still keep away then?

Yes, because dads don't abuse their children at all, OP. What an utterly silly statement to make.

As we are now on to lone men, what about dad's without their children there, or a divorced dad, or a grandparent, or a bereaved dad or brother?

Why does your prejudice take precedence over someone that is doing nothing wrong?

Thing is El if it was the same man several times then yes you might be more careful but as a once off I don't see how it can be an issue. To also explain to your DC that although Ryan is a nice man, you have to be told what to do by Mummy/Daddy/the responsible adult not a man they see once a week.

I do understand why people fear this but generally if I was at all worried and wasn't already playing with my DC I would move closer to hear what they said.

But it's not necessarily a predatory thing to do on its own.

How do you know he was doing nothing wrong? How do you know that he wasn't starting to groom some of the children in the playground?

how ridiculous, my husband is the biggest asshole (not a pedophile before you start) and he has 3 children. I am not a mother and I am million times more decent than many 'parents' I know.

I too would be more concerned of a friends father or coach etc who could spend periods of time alone with them and who they would see as authority. But equally I wouldn't stop them from doing sports or staying at a friends.

Agree totally if a man repetitively goes up to a child, uses inappropriate language, tries to engage a child who does not want to talk etc that would set off alarm bells.

May be odd that he's there in the first place but it doesn't make him predatory.

May be odd that he's there in the first place but it doesn't make him predatory.
So why is he there? I can think of a single good reason why a man would be in a playground talking to children he doesn't know.

Nor me Eli.

I don't think anyone is saying dads aren't sometimes abusive. But there is a reason why a dad would be in a play park. No reason for a man to be there without children.

How do you know he was doing nothing wrong? How do you know that he wasn't starting to groom some of the children in the playground?

How do you know a man with children isn't. Etc etc etc

A man with children has a valid reason to be in the playground.

Op I understand your logic tbh but as others have pointed out you cannot trust any stranger around your Dc in the park including dads and women

Well obviously a man with children could be there with sinister intentions but you'd assume he's there with his kids.

If you saw a dad in the schools playground at 3 you would think he's picking up his kids.

If you saw a man in the school playground at 3 for no reason that would be odd.

Elisheva
"How do you know he was doing nothing wrong? How do you know that he wasn't starting to groom some of the children in the playground?"

By parenting and taking responsibility for your children, going up to the man and asking.

Are you always going to be so passive in these things that you have become prejudiced.

Valid points on here as well why is a single man in the playground anyway, I go to parks alone often but not in the playground there is no reason for me to be in there

I absolutely would go up to the man and ask, but according to many on here I would be out of order to question his right to be hanging out in a playground.

Elisheva

I don't know whether you would be out of order, but you would be questioning his right to be there.

The thing is I do know what people mean. I wouldn't assume a man who just so happened to be in a place the same time as children had any untoward reason. For example, a man at a museum when a school party was there, or the swimming baths, or even a place like a zoo or theme park.

But a playground is pretty exclusively aimed at children and therefore an adult would either be there WITH a child, or there to watch/interact with children. And also it's just possible the latter is innocent it's still a bit inappropriate.

callycat1

You make the assumption that it is the dad that is picking up his children, What you are seeing is a lone man in a playground picking up children