To trust dads, more than men without children, at parks? :(

[debson]

I feel bad about this, but I have no clue if it's a normal way to feel and I can normally guess what Mumsnet would say so don't bother, but I really don't know about this.

I was in the park earlier with DC (5 and 9) I always sit on the bench closest to the only exist.

There have been a couple of times when a father (who clearly has DC at the park) help youngest DD onto the monkey bars for example, then just go with their kids on to a different bit of equipment. We are a friendly village and do tend to interact with the DC (if it's obvious they go to same school, etc.)

However, I've had it once where (and this is with 9 year old DD and no contact involved) a man was pointing to bits of the rope that DD should put her foot onto (you know, to help her get to the top) and I went over and made casual convo and he had no children there

Is it wrong to have not even thought for a second about that dad, but felt uneasy about that man for the rest of the time while we were there?

And it really isn't hysterical anyway.

If I was walking in the beach and my child fell and a man helped him I would think he was going for a walk on the beach.

If I was in a museum and a man spoke to my child about an exhibition I would think he was looking at the exhibition at the museum and maybe used to be a teacher or similar.

If I was in a playground and a man was there without children he had responsibility for I find that odd and to be honest despite the insistences on here I think that most reasonable people would!

Neither would I More but there would be some children unsupervised and THAT is why that man is there and you know it and I know it!

I do find this 'othering' of people because they are childless

This ^

I have no problem with someone sitting in a park to eat their lunch. But why would anyone, male or female, sit inside an enclosed playground space without having a child with them?

I like the Coram's Field's sign. "No unaccompanied adults".

It's not though is it, because it's not about being childless it's about being in a place FOR children WITHOUT children. It would be just as peculiar to me if a dad went and stood in a playground if his kids weren't with him.

Because sensible people would never leave their DCs unsupervised
To what age? I let my 9 year old walk to the corner shop and back supervised, or go to the playground with a friend.

My dh is a dad, he wouldn't go sit in a playpark without dd. The park is for HER, he's just accompanying her.

It's nothing to do with "othering" and to suggest so is ridiculous.

Just like he wouldn't go to soft play without her, or go watch the tinkerbell movie, or to a baby sensory group.

Sorry not had the time to rtft as its so long
As a young teenager j was quite small for my age , playing tennis in the park with a friend , we hit the ball into a flat roofed area
Before h knew it a man came feom nowhere and lifted me up putting his hand right up my skirt to lift me
I was so shocked I never said anything then or afterwards and my friend was shocked too . I guess same as the legoland incidents .
I'd suffered a lot of abuse before that so it just cemented my shitty view of myself which hit me as an adolescent

A lot of people have suffered a lot of abuse Sausage and I'm really sorry that happened to you. Yet some people will KEEP denying it, will keep insisting that paedophiles and sex offenders only exist in the hazy shadows of some dysfunctional families and anyone who says otherwise is thick and reads the Sun.

Cally
Yet some people will KEEP denying it, will keep insisting that paedophiles and sex offenders only exist in the hazy shadows of some dysfunctional families and anyone who says otherwise is thick and reads the Sun.

Its you that keeps saying this about other posters, no-one else does.

If you have that gut feeling, put yourself between your child and the man, teach your child about appropriate behaviours, and when boundaries are crossed its not their fault and they should tell you or some else that they trust.

All of this is within your power to do, what you have no power to do is prevent other people -men or women, married or single, childless or otherwise- being in a public place.

I don't disagree with any of that, what I am saying is that some of you are so adamant that a man would just be wandering around a playground innocently and how stupid to assume anything when it's not stupid at all and you know it's not.

I have no problem with someone sitting in a park to eat their lunch. But why would anyone, male or female, sit inside an enclosed playground space without having a child with them?

There are some parks near us where the best places to eat your lunch is actually in the enclosed playground space because there are lots of benches with tables in there and no dogs allowed. I would though still find it odd if a lone adult sat in this area

cally

It is not wrong to assume what you like, it is wrong to assume that all lone males are paedophiles. I have worked in offices where people leave at lunchtime to go to the local park, some to eat, some to get fresh air, others to people watch and others to watch the kids play.

But I haven't said all lone males are paedophiles.

I have said that a lone male hanging around a playground is very strange and there's a good chance he's hanging around because he is paedophile.

Still no answer to what about parks with gym equipment next to the play equipment. Those parks are getting more and more common. Would it still be wrong for a lone male to be there?

Obviously not, if there's a reason for a lone male to be somewhere then obviously they will be! I don't object to men in a general sense I just cannot get with this idea that kids play areas are so lovely and relaxing naturally lone men will gravitate to them to wander about!

Oh all the fucking whataboutery.

Man using gym equipment minding his own business? Ok
Lone man sitting in bench watching children play then offering to help children in monkey bars? I would say not ok.

Is it that hard to understand?

I have said that a lone male hanging around a playground is very strange and there's a good chance he's hanging around because he is paedophile.

And it is a very stupid thing to say. Because it isn't strange for an adult to be in a public space. It's legal and normal. Lots of people have given reasons why lone adults may be near or sitting in a playground and you just aren't listening.

As someone said there are a lot of benches near the play equipment and lots of people may choose to sit in the park to have their lunch, enjoy the sun, read a paper, have a rest before moving on with their stroll or just contemplate the meaning of life. It's normal. It's abnormal and paranoid to suspect every lone adult in a public park.

So when I arranged to meet my niece and her DD at the play area and I got there five/ten minutes before she did and I sat on a bench in the play area and waited - did that make me suspicious?

(Several benches but the children already there were in my line of sight whichever I chose - obviously so that parents could watch their DC).

And when my niece - whom anyone watching would have guessed was my DD - and the LO arrived did I become not suspicious?

I suppose if you see a man in his sixties, sitting there minding his own business and not talking to a child (the bloke the OP saw should not have done that though he probably meant no harm) you might think paedophile. Or you might think man like me waiting for his family.

Or even (this is not me) lonely widower whose family don't live nearby.

Lonely widowers hanging round a park, course that's really likely.

Andrew I wouldn't really call waiting for five minutes hanging round to be honest. I might briefly wonder then my own question would be answered when your niece arrived.

I mean yes parks are public spaces. I'm sure there's no reason why right now I couldn't go to a soft play centre and just watch the kids, but it would be weird, really wouldn't it?

Ffs, the man wasn't sitting there minding his own business or enjoying the ambiance. He was talking to a child he doesn't know.

Elisheva
the thread has moved on.

callycat1

Softplay centres are normally indoors in privately owned buildings, so its not a direct comparison, unless you are worried about the childless male members of staff.

Lonely widowers hanging round a park, course that's really likely.

As I've already said that would be my grandfather. Not a paedophile, just a retired teacher who used to pause when on his morning walk to sit and enjoy the sound of children playing. Then, having rested, he'd move on. Perfectly normal.

Cally, you are sounding more and more hysterical and irrational.

The thread has not moved on. People are still falling over themselves to suggest why a line man might be hanging around a playground and ignoring the fact that he was talking to the children there, which for me is the key point.
A bloke hanging around I might think a bit odd but no more, a man talking to my child, nope.

He was talking to a child he doesn't know I talk to children I don't know all the time, is that only ok because I have a child too? I even talk to them when my DD isn't with me. If I'm at the park and I see a kid struggling I might give them some advice.