To trust dads, more than men without children, at parks? :(

[debson]

I feel bad about this, but I have no clue if it's a normal way to feel and I can normally guess what Mumsnet would say so don't bother, but I really don't know about this.

I was in the park earlier with DC (5 and 9) I always sit on the bench closest to the only exist.

There have been a couple of times when a father (who clearly has DC at the park) help youngest DD onto the monkey bars for example, then just go with their kids on to a different bit of equipment. We are a friendly village and do tend to interact with the DC (if it's obvious they go to same school, etc.)

However, I've had it once where (and this is with 9 year old DD and no contact involved) a man was pointing to bits of the rope that DD should put her foot onto (you know, to help her get to the top) and I went over and made casual convo and he had no children there

Is it wrong to have not even thought for a second about that dad, but felt uneasy about that man for the rest of the time while we were there?

hownotto totally fair enough.

so are you suggesting all childless men in parks are paedophiles
Why not? You don't need to put a siren on your head and start screaming it from the roof tops but you can be watchful and pay attention. Just as you normally should.

Well, what's the young cut off age? 16, 18, 21? I always just think young ones are just hanging around.

I just think odd when helping my DD and no kids and middle aged so no reason to be close to equipment.

You should be vigilant all the time-I absolutely agree with that. But I don't jump to the conclusion that lone men in parks are a risk-I usually just assume they're lonely.

Was it a fenced in play area?

Yes, there's then a field next to it that he could have sat in

Did he touch your child? Did he do anything apart from advise her in how to climb a rope ladder? If no, I really don't see the issue.

If you're concerned why don't you report it to non-emergency? It's obviously bothered you enough.

He could have been passing the time, waiting for someone, sunning himself saw a child like his granddaughter and do spoke to her/helped her in the way he would with said granddaughter. You don't know. Smile and nod and be present.
There's an older guy at swimming that likes to come round the children's side and often speaks to the DC in the steam room. I've spoken to him, he's told me about his GC he looks after for a couple of weeks in the holidays, they live a couple of hours away I think he misses them. I speak to him, smile, nod and keep an eye on it.

See Champagne unfortunately I see risk everywhere, I blame it on spending 3 months solid sifting through child sexual abuse files after the Bichard enquiry sifting out info that needed to be added onto systems to allow for sharing of information across forces. I no longer implicitly trust anyone. I just keep an eye. I don't presume anyone is a paedophile, but I don't presume they're not either.

Crikey I have run up and down pushing the zip wire & helping them get on for numerous kids I don't know (and mine) most of the mums seem happy it's excused them from doing it!

hownotto that would make anybody see risk everywhere.

I'm 40. I recently went to the park and got on a swing after a shit work day. Luckily no one bothered me. It was therapeutic.

I think we should have a play bit for adults in parks if everyone's going to freak out when a non childed person appears.

This kind of thread makes me sad. A few years ago my DH was out with his (male) friend and they saw a young boy aged about 3 walking down the street on his own. No parents around. DH and his mate actually had a long debate about what to - their natural instinct was to try and help the boy and reunite him with his parents, but they were both scared about what would happen if someone saw them in the company of this young boy. I know there is bad things that happen in this world, but isn't it sad when people assume the worst and make judgements about people. The man you saw in the park was probably just trying to help, and as long as you are keeping an eye out, what's going to happen??
By the way, the incident I described was before we had children, so my dh was a childless man trying to help out a young, seemingly lost child.

Yes to echo justinbobby lots of childless men will now not assist a child in trouble in case they get accused. Look at the dwindling numbers of men getting involved in Scouts.

Lots of Dads/Stepdads abuse their kids or have secret lives their families are unaware of.

Based on the subject title YABU. Specific circumstance, I do see where you are coming from though

Yanbu. Paedophiles are relatively common and they do, obviously, frequently hang out in areas they can watch children. It's not exactly a mad idea to be wary.

I don't know why you feel guilty though?

Thanks Champagne, it sent us all a little bit crazy at the time. However much I try to rationalise the low risk now I can't let go of the fact that it does happen.

freaking out or altering the authorities would be a massive over reaction for what it clearly harmless.

But it's not wrong to be a little bit wary of someone in that situation and to watch kids a little more closely.

Excuse me! But why Oh why would a man/woman on their own be hanging around children in a playground????????
Would you????????
I only go to a swing park (area) if I have a child.
For what reason would I go there otherwise????
WEIRD!!

Kids are far more likely to be abused by someone the know, trust and love than by a stranger.

FWIW literally the only public benches around where I live are in parks, I guess men aren't allowed out, or rather to want to be alone and sit whilst they are out

Your attitude is vile. It puts me in mind of those dreadful ignorant people who smash paediatrian's windows because they can't tell the difference between a paediatrian and a paedophile. It's like a bad joke - I can practically hear you screaming 'Won't SOMEBODY please think about of the children??'

It's not that off to alert the authorities, people do. And on occasions they do find it to be someone who has conditions not to be there.

GDarling

Because they like swings
Because they, innocently, like children
Because it's on the way to somewhere else
Because watching children play cheers them up
Because playgrounds remind them of when their own children were little and make them nostalgic.

GDarling - You represent everything that's wrong with the world.