To be slightly offended by OH "loving DD more"?

[Christinedonna]

DD is 5 weeks old today and upon me asking earlier, OH revealed he loves her more than me. Before anyone gets shitty with me, of course I'm happy he loves her and no I'm not jealous. But would you be slightly offended if your OH openly and happily admitted (and seemed baffled at my shock) that he loves our baby more than me. "I love you both the same" or "what a silly question!" Would have been fine answers, as it wasn't even a serious question until I got such a bluntly honest answer

YABU. Daft question to ask and daft answer to be cross at.

It's different. It's just different. I'd die for my dc, but not for Dh. It doesn't mean I love him less. More a primeval gut thing.

Is he normally a bit more tactful then? Is that what bothered you?

I think you're being a bit sensitive. Which is OK, you've just had a baby!

DP and I are happy to tell each other that we love the kids much more I think it's weird when people put their partner first, so no need to be coy about it!

yes to be completely honest, the love I have for him would never compare to what I feel for her

Ok, so you accept that if your DH put the same question to you and you were to answer 100% honestly, you would have to give the same answer. Does that mean that you're not really upset that he loves DD more than you, you're just upset that he didn't feel the need to lie in order to spare your feelings? If so, maybe he thought you wouldn't take offence since, as evidenced by the co consensus on this thread, it's actually pretty normal to feel that way.

It's not like you can weigh love. Imprecise word, anyway. I love DP, DS1 and DS2, gin and tonic, Dorothy L Sayers and swimming.

Agree with all PPs. Love for a child is absolutely incomparable to love for DH/DP.
I love my DCs unconditionally.
Silly questions silly answers and all that.
Why did you ask him that though?

That's normal
To be honest it makes me love my husband more to know that he also loves our children more than he does me - and vice Versa. They come first :) I'd be worried if it wasn't that way round X

YANBU; that's a hurtful thing to hear someone say, regardless of whether it's true or not. Love can't be quantified like that. The appropriate answer is "I can't imagine my life without either of you!"

I actually think I love DH more, though obviously I do love my kids. Mine are mostly grown up though, and their teens were difficult.

Oh. I definitely love my kids more than my dh. There's not loads in it to be fair, but yes, life without them would be unimaginable whereas life without dh would be 'just' be awful.

Oooh tinkly, I'm jealous of that! To love a non-blood tie more, is massive!

Just to clarify unless I haven't yet made it clear (I must have just assumed it would be) I do not feel in competition with my daughter, now am I jealous of her or pissed that I'm sharing my OHs love or attention.
Yes it was a silly question but like I said, it wasn't asked in a serious sense, it was jokey.. I half expected him to tell me to shut up and laugh it off. I am not offended or jealous that he loves her more. I didn't want him to "lie"..I was just shocked at how abruptly he answered.

you are probably feeling hormonal but at least he was honest . if you were on a sinking ship who would you save first .not the hubby its a natural instinct .children always come first its just natures way of survival

Hmm, I suspect DH loves the kids more than me though, I don't know, it's not something I would ask him.

I understand but i wasn't putting him in a life or death, one or the other situation. "I love you both the same" wouldn't have killed anyone, even if it may not be true.
cel that's exactly what I said

YABU to ask
But equally YABU to be surprised
I love y children more than anyone of anything else in the world
I would save them first in an emergency & I'd expect him to do the same (which I know he would)
I adore my DH but I love him differently and I know he feels the same.
That's right.
I couldn't ever get a new son or daughter to replace mine.
I could get a new husband (though I don't want one)

Tinkly I'm with you. Dh is my soul mate. Really. I want to spend the next 30 years with him 24/7 like we do currently. If he died I'd just survive. I wouldn't be happy. But I still think I woudnt die for him because my (teen) kids need me. It's guttteral. I'd sacrifice my happiness for my kids.

It's difficult to vocalise.

You should have warned him what his scripted answer was meant to be beforehand

I agree with others, you shouldn't have asked as of course he loves her more. He probably answered so honestly as his response was totally normal, and he didn't think you'd be surprised. I'm sure he loves you loads too.

I remember ex saying he'd rescue me first if anything horrific happened and feeling absolutely shocked that he wouldn't sort the kids out first and making him promise to do it that way. I love my children more than anyone else and that's just the way it is.

I'd be sad if my husband told me he loved me more than he loved our kids. I expect him to love them more than he loves me.

I think it's normal to love your children more than your dp/Dh, but I'm sure there was a thread on here years ago where most people said the opposite and were saying things like 'your kids are only on loan, your Dh is meant to be for life' etc. Thankfully I'm single so no need to agonise

A parent should always love their child more than their spouse in my opinion.

Being jealous of a newborn is sad.

Get over yourself. SHE IS YOU! You grew her in your belly. If he loves her, that means he loves YOU!