To be slightly offended by OH "loving DD more"?

[Christinedonna]

DD is 5 weeks old today and upon me asking earlier, OH revealed he loves her more than me. Before anyone gets shitty with me, of course I'm happy he loves her and no I'm not jealous. But would you be slightly offended if your OH openly and happily admitted (and seemed baffled at my shock) that he loves our baby more than me. "I love you both the same" or "what a silly question!" Would have been fine answers, as it wasn't even a serious question until I got such a bluntly honest answer

[NataliaOsipova]

The Ancient Greeks had four (I think!) different words for love. So the love of a parent for a child would be called one thing, the love for your DH another, love for your country something else etc etc. They were on to something. It's so different - you are comparing apples and oranges. I'm sure your DH didn't mean to offend.

[BeatrixBurgund]

ChristineDonna
Hide this thread. Some people are being needlessly cruel, and it's all just going to go around and around in circles now.

The rest of you - stop being nasty for the sake of it. It costs you NOTHING to be kind. Nothing. If you don't have anything appropriate to say, restrict yourself to comments about the weather. (Extra points if you know where that quote came from!)

[BadToTheBone]

I've heard the story that were the whole family in a boat and all the others fell out, a woman would save the children first, the man would save the wife. This is because a woman would think they could replace the husband as long as she had the kids and a man could replace the kids, so long as he still had the wife.

Maybe that was true in olden days, but now the men are much more involved in the child rearing than they used to, so have a much stronger bond.

Dh and I l love the kids more, I'm well down dh's list, as he's got 3 kids, lol

[AndieNZ]

I think everyone has made their point.

OP don't take all the harsh responses to heart. I remember feeling so insecure after giving birth that I would have probably have asked the very same question and felt a little put out at the harshness of the answer.

By the way, if you are feeling a little sensitive and going through the baby blues, keep away from posting on AIBU! (As I well know!)

[Statelychangers]

OP please don't take this thread to heart - it's only five weeks, it's a big a adjustment. Some people think everyone should be how they are - empathy is severely lacking on this thread.

[roundaboutthetown]

Well, if he'd asked you whether you loved him or your baby the most, OP, wouldn't you have thought it a self-centred, manipulative and aggravating question? I know I would've thought that if my dh asked me a question like that so soon after I'd given birth. Accordingly, I wouldn't have considered asking that question of my dh. Just accept you were very wrong to ask that particular question and don't dwell on it further.

[Thefitfatty]

What he's feeling now, when they are an infant is normal and expected. I would choose my DC's over DH any day.

But! My brother became a drug addict at 18. My parents had to make a choice and they (wisely) chose each other.
Hopefully you and your DH will never have to make the same choice

[whattheseithakasmean]

I've just asked DH - he loves me more than the kids. To be fair, I knew he did. What can you do? You can't help how you feel. we will be together when the children are living their own life, so I don't see it as an issue.

[Canyouforgiveher]

Op, I think what you wanted to hear was:

"I love her more than I though possible and would do anything in the world for her. And having her has made me realise even more just how important you are to me, how you have transformed my life and how much I love you and the family we created. How lucky we are. Would you like a cup of tea?"

I'm sure that was what he meant and would have said if I were his speech-writer.

Pity we can't just give our husbands/sisters/mothers a script sometimes :) Actually sometimes I do - I say to DH "I am going to tell you a story and I don't want you to tell me how to solve this I want you to say the other person was an ass - ok" I also told him that my best friend's reaction to my new clothes was perfect. She always said "it is fabulous, what a bargain, may I try it on" so now he says that whenever he sees something new - or usually just "may I try it on".

[Sallystyle]

I asked my husband who he loved more.

He said the dogs. Bastard

[mylaptopismylapdog]

Isn't it just that you meet you partner as a ,(hopefully) , competent adult whilst your child you meet as someone who is completely vulnerable and dependent so they have to take priority?

[milkyface]

Ah you've just had a baby you're allowed to ask stupid questions and get upset when your dh doesn't tell you what you want to hear.

Out of interest tho would you have been upset if he said he loved you more?

[KayTee87]

Op I had my first almost 8 weeks ago and an overwhelmed by how much I love him, I could cry just looking at him he's so perfect. What's surprised me is that seeing my husband as a father has made me love him more than before and I hope he feels the same. I'm guessing you were hoping your husband feels similarly about you and I'm sure he does - you carried and gave birth to his daughter who he loves very much so you will be even more precious to him now.

[bellie710]

I would be shocked if my DH loved me more than our children??

[CrepeDeChineWag]

Nope. I absolutely expect him to love DC more than me. I love DC more than him. Doesn't mean we love each other less than we did DC. We love each other more. DC are at the top of the love list but we both agree on this and it suits our family.

It's a different kind of love anyway.

[MitzyLeFrouf]

I agree. Why are people being so harsh?

[Postchildrenpregranny]

Once heard the comment 'she'd boil her children to make soup for her husband'
Like most posters I love my children to the extent I'd die or kill for them
My DH not in the same way Its an intellectual ,sexual relationship. Very different .With the children It's visceral

[KayTee87]

Jesus people are out for blood tonight, people need to remember this lady gave birth 5 weeks ago - she's vulnerable, hormonal and exhausted. She's admitted it was a silly question, she probably wanted her husband to say that he loves his daughter more but he loves her more than ever for giving his daughter to him or something along those lines. I have the feeling she just needed a bit of love and affection herself which doesn't make her jealous etc.

[ImperialBlether]

I wanted my (then) husband to love our children more than he loved me - I wanted everyone to love them! You have to be careful with your questions - "Which adult do you love best" will do!

[sparklefarts]

Well put stately

[Statelychangers]

I love dh - more than anyone I have ever loved, he is my absolute soulmate, he is not replaceable. I love my kids too but it's a different love, they will and should fly away and live their own lives. That is the plan. Would I be upset that dh loved the dcs more that me, yep I would be - there's no need to weigh one up against the other. Who would I prioritise? whoever had greatest need, the dcs needs do not trump the adults needs.

[sparklefarts]

Wowzers, I feel for you OP there's been some harsh judgement in here, I get how, when bluntly put that could sting a bit.

I don't see how anyone could interpret your post as a 'you want him to save you first in a life or death situation' that's so clearly not what you're getting at.

Oh and for the haters my OH and I discussed this thread and said agreed that although it's so different that it's hard to compare, if anything we love each other more than our ds. Our love for him is so natural etc whereas we feel we choose each other and have to work at it, whereas of course we love ds, he's our ds... But my OH, he's my life partner, we'll be doing everything together until one of us dies.