To be slightly offended by OH "loving DD more"?

[Christinedonna]

DD is 5 weeks old today and upon me asking earlier, OH revealed he loves her more than me. Before anyone gets shitty with me, of course I'm happy he loves her and no I'm not jealous. But would you be slightly offended if your OH openly and happily admitted (and seemed baffled at my shock) that he loves our baby more than me. "I love you both the same" or "what a silly question!" Would have been fine answers, as it wasn't even a serious question until I got such a bluntly honest answer

[limon]

Yabu. I love my daughter more than I have ever loved anyone including dh.

[Specialapplek]

I just asked DH who is sitting beside me who he loves more, DD or me. Without missing a beat he says DD.

[Was1969]

You sound ridiculous OP. Get over yourself and stop expecting you DH to tiptoe around you massive ego!

[LittleLionMansMummy]

I'd die for ds. Dh would die for him. We'd each expect each other to die for him too. If there was a choice I'd expect dh to save ds over me and vice versa. There's no love on the planet like it - totally, utterly unconditional and self sacrificing. Yabu op.

[Magicpaintbrush]

I echo what others have said here, most parents do love their children above anybody else, because it's an unconditional love, whereas with a partner/husband it is conditional (ie certain situations or behaviour could cause love to dwindle).

Put it this way, imagine you and your DH and baby fall overboard on a ship, your DH is the only one who can swim - would you rather he chose to save you or your baby? I can't think of anybody who wouldn't rather their partner saved the baby. When you put it ib such stark terms it all makes sense. His love for your baby doesn't diminish his love for you, it's just different and baby has to come first - that's as it should be. I think if my husband said he loved me more than our DD I would seriously question his judgement and think he was emotionally unhinged. I WANT him to love our DD more than me, and I'm sure he does.

[phillipp]

Op Yabu.

What you are saying is that you asked a question, but not happy he answers it truthfully. You asked the question, with the expectation that he would lie.

That's not reasonable. I would be horrified if dh said he loved me more than our kids.

I certainly wouldn't expect him to lie or wriggle out of answering.

If you don't want an honest answer, don't ask the question. I think the poor bloke can't win here, like you set him up to fail

[Waltermittythesequel]

So you want him to love her more.

You don't want him to lie to you.

You were only joking

But you still have a problem??

[Boobyroof]

Perhaps the question came to mind because when you are madly in love and have no children yet, you are intensely in love with each other and your attention is solely on each other. Having a baby changes that, as it should be, but now something else is the centre of your universe. I remember thinking what op asked. It was more of a realisation that wow, I love my baby more than anyone, more than my husband. It was an adjustment of thinking that's all.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

See I don't think the "Who would you save?" argument is the pertinent one. Because, in a disaster, most people would save a child, any child, before an adult, any adult. But that's protectiveness, it's not the same as love.

And I do think it changes when your kids grow up, when they become their own person and are less central to your life.

[ohtheholidays]

No I'm with your OH,I told my DH when we were dating(I already had DC)that he'd have to love my DC as much as I did and he does.We've gone onto have more DC,we have 5DC now and he loves them all the same and he loves them more than me and I love them more than him.

Don't get me wrong I really love my DH and couldn't imagine living without him(I've told him I'm going first he's told me no that he's going first )and he tells me he never wants to have to face being without me,but the love for our DC is the biggest most life changing kind of love that either of us have experienced.

We'd do anything to keep each other safe but we both know if anything terrible ever happened(God forbid)that between saving one another or our 5DC it would be our children that we saved without hesitation.

[newmumwithquestions]

Sorry op but YABU.
I am also U though if it makes you feel any better. I volunteered the information that I loved DD more than OH to him. He was also upset - I really really couldn't work out why as I was just stating what to me was obvious. I guess it was too blunt for a sleep deprived OH!

[PinkCircle]

Haha! I remember DH saying to me 'jokingly' that I loved DC1 more than him when DC was only weeks old.
With a totally straight face, I responded that he was wrong as I loved him SO much but I didn't love DC. I said DC was quite sweet and I liked him but I didn't feel any love for him at all.
DH was horrified and told me I should go to the doctor. He said he had loved DC1 from the moment he saw him.
I then pointed out to DH that he was an attention seeking twat and he should be careful what he wished for........
Luckily he has grown up since then or he would now be single.

[Christinedonna]

I really hope people realise that I wasn't asking who he would save in a fire, jump infront of a train for or dive of a ship to stop drowning and in no way would I be offended by him answering "obviously DD". I did NOT want to hear that he loves me more than DD. I have never once in this thread said that. Rather than jumping to conclusions or trying to brand me a jealous mum, huge ego, immature, person actually listen to what I said. I was merely a little hurt that he didn't try to make it sound a little nicer or even explain his reasoning! I know the reasoning and don't need it explained but if I were to answer the question I would follow it up, I was just surprised he didn't. I'm not the arsehole the majority of you are trying to make me out to be. Yes it was a silly question and I regret asking it but not as much as I regret forgetting how judgmental and bitchy SOME MN'ers can be. Thank you to everyone that actually listened and understood

[Waltermittythesequel]

Follow it up with what??

[MermaidTears]

I completely love my dds more than dp and nothing in the world could ever make me give up on them or not love them.

He also says he loves them more (when we're had this convo before) but to be totally honest I think he probably does love me more, and would struggle more to be away from.me rather than them. Even though of course he loves them all the world.

But you kinda have to say you love them more don't you? It's the done thing.

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

You ASKED the question. What were you honestly expecting. "Um, well,
Let me think, on balance our DD probably does pip you to the post a little bit, sorry hun."

No, you got the right answer and it didn't need to be sugar coated. If you expected him to say DD, a) I don't know why you asked and b) I don't know why you think he should have tried to put it nicely.

When I was about to have DC1, I said to DH if there were complications with the birth, what would he do. His immediate answer was to get them to save me, not the baby. I was horrified and told him no, it had to be the other way around, baby comes first. His reasoning was he knew me but not the baby yet. Hopefully he doesn't still think this, not something I'd ever think to ask tbh. It does sound like a loaded question that he could never get the right answer.

[sparklefarts]

Wowzers, I feel for you OP there's been some harsh judgement in here, I get how, when bluntly put that could sting a bit.

I don't see how anyone could interpret your post as a 'you want him to save you first in a life or death situation' that's so clearly not what you're getting at.

Oh and for the haters my OH and I discussed this thread and said agreed that although it's so different that it's hard to compare, if anything we love each other more than our ds. Our love for him is so natural etc whereas we feel we choose each other and have to work at it, whereas of course we love ds, he's our ds... But my OH, he's my life partner, we'll be doing everything together until one of us dies.

[Statelychangers]

I love dh - more than anyone I have ever loved, he is my absolute soulmate, he is not replaceable. I love my kids too but it's a different love, they will and should fly away and live their own lives. That is the plan. Would I be upset that dh loved the dcs more that me, yep I would be - there's no need to weigh one up against the other. Who would I prioritise? whoever had greatest need, the dcs needs do not trump the adults needs.

[sparklefarts]

Well put stately

[ImperialBlether]

I wanted my (then) husband to love our children more than he loved me - I wanted everyone to love them! You have to be careful with your questions - "Which adult do you love best" will do!

[KayTee87]

Jesus people are out for blood tonight, people need to remember this lady gave birth 5 weeks ago - she's vulnerable, hormonal and exhausted. She's admitted it was a silly question, she probably wanted her husband to say that he loves his daughter more but he loves her more than ever for giving his daughter to him or something along those lines. I have the feeling she just needed a bit of love and affection herself which doesn't make her jealous etc.

[Postchildrenpregranny]

Once heard the comment 'she'd boil her children to make soup for her husband'
Like most posters I love my children to the extent I'd die or kill for them
My DH not in the same way Its an intellectual ,sexual relationship. Very different .With the children It's visceral

[MitzyLeFrouf]

I agree. Why are people being so harsh?

[CrepeDeChineWag]

Nope. I absolutely expect him to love DC more than me. I love DC more than him. Doesn't mean we love each other less than we did DC. We love each other more. DC are at the top of the love list but we both agree on this and it suits our family.

It's a different kind of love anyway.

[bellie710]

I would be shocked if my DH loved me more than our children??