To be slightly offended by OH "loving DD more"?

[Christinedonna]

DD is 5 weeks old today and upon me asking earlier, OH revealed he loves her more than me. Before anyone gets shitty with me, of course I'm happy he loves her and no I'm not jealous. But would you be slightly offended if your OH openly and happily admitted (and seemed baffled at my shock) that he loves our baby more than me. "I love you both the same" or "what a silly question!" Would have been fine answers, as it wasn't even a serious question until I got such a bluntly honest answer

[WhatWouldTheDoctorDo]

OP, I think it might have been a wee bit of a silly thing to ask, especially with a 5 week old baby, hormones all over the place, and you're still adjusting to the new order of things. It can be a vulnerable time. I remember when pregnant, and terrified of having a baby, admitting to DH that I was afraid the time would come once the baby arrived I wouldn't be the most important person in anyone's life any more. It seems silly now, but my upset and fear was very real at the time.

Fast forward 9 years and my DS is my world. I love my DH, but my love for DS is above all else. I imagine my DH feels the same way and I'm totally fine with that!

I reckon one day you'll be amazed it upset you so much, but right now you're allowed to be a bit upset though don't be too hard on your DH for it.

[BillSykesDog]

You're hormonal and probably have a touch of the baby blues and are blowing it out of proportion. I'm not patronising you, I'm in the same boat at the moment.

If he'd said he loved you more it would probably have upset you just as much.

[HighwayDragon1]

As an experiment I just asked dp if he loved me or dd most, without missing a beat he said dd. As I'd expect.

[alltouchedout]

I don't know if I love the dc more than dh but I certainly love them differently. My love for them is pretty much unconditional. I would save them before him (and I'm sure and glad he would save them before me). The dc are part of me. He is the other half of my heart.

[BadTasteFlump]

Ask a silly question....

Seriously op forget it, it means nothing

[user1471552005]

I know my OH loves our kids more than me.

And that's as is should be. I love them more than him too.

My last husband died. That caused me grief- but it would pale compared to losing a child.

[HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood]

I love both DH and DD. If love is measured by who I want to live with for the rest of my life, I love DH more. On the other hand, if love is measured by who I would save in a disaster situation, I love DD more.

I expect the same from DH. 😊

[T0ldmywrath]

I love my dc more than I love my DH, but I think he loves me more than he loves the dc & this makes me feel sad. I wouldn't ask him though, it's just a feeling I get.

I also love the dog more than I love DH.

[melibu84]

I love my DS more than i love my DP. I would literally do anything for my DS. for my DP, anything within reason lol. And i would expect my DP to feel the same way.

[OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay]

I hope DP loves our baby more than me. I'd be worried if he didn't to be honest

[CannotEvenDeal]

I love my dss like my own ( I've raised him since he was a toddler) and I do tell my dh that I love our boy more than him...

He loves that and embraces it. I don't say it to hurt him, it's just how I feel.

[ReginaBlitz]

Why should this even be a question? Fucking hell its a different kind of love anyway.. I find the whole thing quite disturbing and weird.

[MrsKoala]

I think he said it quite kindly and subtly compared to what dh or I would have said to the other.

When dh's mum died last year his dad's grief and devotion to only her was actually horribly sad. I said to dh 'I'm so glad I don't love you that much' and he said 'thank fuck for that, me either'.

We both know we are waaaay down each other's lists. He's somewhere berween wine and cheese and before my parents dog.

Wasn't there a Ryan Reynolds quote about using his wife as a human shield to save their baby if it came to it?

Sorry you feel sensitive op.

[Cynara]

DP and I have had this chat. If our house was on fire, both of us would save DS before saving each other. I would be FURIOUS if DP dragged me out at the expense of our son. I'd never forgive him. It is perfectly natural to love a child more than a partner, and I'd be very upset and concerned if DP didn't feel the same way.

[ShouldHaveBeenJess]

Oh give her a break. My ex (who I was very much in love with at the time of our son's birth) asked me this question. As much as I adored him, I knew I loved my son more. I didn't tell him this. I told him I loved both of them equally. We were both sleep deprived and emotionally vunerable. The OP's partner could have been a lot more sensitive and tactful - his wife has just had a baby! At the very least, apologised for being so blunt.

[wayway13]

I have asked DH this! I needed to know that he would gladly use me as a human shield to protect our DD and he said he would (he's a faster runner than me so it has been agreed that I'm expendable). I'm delighted to take 2nd place. Knowing that someone else in this world loves her like I do brings me a lot of peace.

YABU but you had a baby 5 weeks ago - imo you can be unreasonable about anything you like.

[wayway13]

Lol MrsKoala that was what initiated mine and DH's conversation

[roundaboutthetown]

You put your dh on the spot with a really silly, thoughtless question and are upset by his thoughtless, spontaneous answer. I think you are definitely being hormonal. Don't ask a "jokey" question like that again - it's not funny and it was unfair to ask him.

[madein1995]

YABa tiny bit U - but at the same time it's not exactly tactful of DH to tell you that, like you say he could have said he couldn't choose, or chage the topic etc.Ultimately though I'm sure you'd both lay down your own lives (and your partners) to save your dd - your dd should come first and in an ideal world, every parent would put their child before their partner (in terms of safety etc - eg if one parent started taking drugs, the other parent would ideally leave to protect the child), I'm sure you know this and I'm not surprised you felt a bit upset, he could have deffo been less blunt. As a PP said, you've just had a baby so IMO you can be as U as you like

[Morsecode]

OP give your OH a break. You have a newborn and you are "madly in love with her". Why wouldn't he feel the same? I am no doctor but I bet new dads have a few hormones playing to make sure they are wide-eyed in wonder of their newborns too. Hence his unhesitating direct answer.

[witsender]

It's a biological norm...we're meant to adore them above all other!

It is a different love anyway. I would fight to the death for my children, and my love for them is utterly unconditional. I'd do my best to save DH but the kids would come first, and my love for him is conditional on him being the kind, upright person I married. If he turned into a lying cheat, my love would pretty quickly wane.

[GabbySolis]

When our DD was tiny I was upset because my husband said he loved me more than her!!!

[metaphoricus]

My children are grown up. I was so touched by the original post that I just had to communicate the question to my DH. I am actually a bit shocked that he says he loves me more than our 2 dds. However - we have just had a 'cold analysis' conversation and his explanation is that he feels immeasurably more protective of them than he does of me,, and most especially when they were tiny babies. But he loves me more - he chose to ask me to be his wife. That doesn't mean to say that he wouldn't chuck me under a train in order to save one of our kids.But that's different thing entirely, that's love versus protectiveness. It's a total can of worms. The answer to the question has to be a no-win. It's an unanswerable question, and I now wish I'd never asked. OP. You caught him off-balance, while he was holding his newborn babe. Cut him some slack, and ask him in 20 years time.
I expected DH to say he loved us all the same, and I really wish now that he had!

[Princecharlesfirstwife]

It's the sort of question my 10 yr old Dc3 would ask, as in 'do you love me or DC1 or 2 best?'
It's a really weird and immature question from an adult.