To ask if anyone keeps geese? And if so, what's their fucking problem?

[BastardGoDarkly]

Just that really

We've got a smallish geese farm out the back of us, and they always seem to be kicking off about something!? I only notice it around now, when I'm in bed and it's quiet. What's up with them?

What do you expect from a creature that is probably directly descended from a Tyrannosaurus Rex??

Swans are bastards too yes

We have a water taxi in our town. It's lovely and relaxing in the height in summer. In spring...if daddy swan is about when mummy swan is on eggs make sure you head inside the taxi and not the outdoor bit. He WILL chase you down the river and try to board your boat

I have nominated this for classics as it's a rarity on here at the moment - a genuinely funny thread

My dad and his mate were on a child's bike in a livestock tent (don't ask!) and missed the corner, waking the geese.... they kicked off all night!

They are honking gits. We had a pair when I was a kid, allegedly to keep the grass down, which they did by covering it in shit.

Also this.

As a child, one year my dad suggested that we raise some geese for christmas to make some extra money. We had goats, hens, ducks and seasonally lambs, calves, piglets (for the freezer), so v experienced animal owners.

I was black and blue the whole time we had them, and so was dad leading to some spectacular language. The gander and a couple of the most aggressive girls went to dads cousin to guard his christmas tree plantation, and I'm glad to report that the issues of tree theft disappeared. And the otherwise boring job of geese plucking was made much better by knowing that we were never doing that again!

I wonder if the army have ever considered using geese on the front line?

Not on the front line in quite that way, NerrSnerr, but the USAF used to use geese as guard dogs to protect the nuclear convoy, back in the 1980s at Greenham Common. (It didn't work - the geese rather liked the peace women.)

Oooh I had a swan have a pop at me once. On Loch Lomond, it was; supposed to be a romantic trip away with DH (he was just BF then). We bought some laggy bread at Spar to feed any fowl we came across.

Well the swan was quite bright and realised that instead of waiting for me to dip my hand in and out the bag to get bits of bread, he/she could simply cut out the middle man and go straight for the bag. If it had done this in a calm and measured way it would have been fine, but he lounged quickly and I was startled.

So I put my foot against his/her bosom and pushed him back with a hoarse cry. Then ran flapping I'm sure DH could have taken photos, if only he wasn't creased up laughing

Those peace women at Greenham common were a bunch of angry birds. I say this as I remember my mum taking us for a day trip. Seems to me geese respect turf and gang warfare. Small children, men's genitals and women's legs seems spoils of war.

Beaky Blinders - inspired

I'm wondering if anyone will set up a goose security firm... no need to pay minimum wage.....

Avian psychopaths.... I'm terrified of them!!!

The geese are really intimidating at my local park and I'm usually not scared of most animals. They can see you coming and slowly come towards you in a mass They are all canada geese apart from one who was a big white one, he was the most aggressive but someone stole him a few months ago..

Someone stole him?

Yeah in the local news they said the goose had been taken. Maybe sat in someones freezer for Christmas dinner! Or maybe someone got sick of how aggressive he was with the kids and took things into their own hands.

I remember being told by a French exchange teacher we had at primary school that in France geese are used rather than dogs (I think it was because dogs can be distracted by food)

The geese in our local park are very pushy. The swans are worse and have stalked us. We feed a few (seed that you buy at the park) and thought they would be happy with that oh no they decided we should feed them more or they would hound us out of the park which they did I felt really bullied

How come this thread is not in classics yet?

Regular geese I can just about live with.

Canadian geese are bastard minions of the antichrist.

Someone stole him?

In an area near me the police are often out, closing off the main road for a while, whilst they escort the geese and their goslings off the grass by the church to their pond across a 4 lane road . They are pretty vicious as well though with those teeth but they fascinate me.

A pair of Canadian geese used to terrify my horses. Nothing like the sight of a 800kg heavy weight horse cowering in the corner of his field while the geese strutted around!

They are just bastards. MIL keeps them, and they eat out of her fucking hand. Anyone else is dinner.

There are some scary geese and a couple of swans at Chasewater in Staffordshire. They pinned me and dd up a wall looking for more bread when we had run out. I foolishly thought I would take the bag home to reuse instead of putting it in the bin. Those geese knew I still had the bag and we're desperate for the non existing bread.
Dd wouldn't go back there for years and would always check we were not going to the park with the big scary ducks

Canada geese are as hard as nails

We have a pair that make a nest and lay eggs on our rooftop patio at work every year. No-one can go out there once she's laid or the gander dive bombs and attacks.

One of the goslings fell off the roof one year. 1 day old, fell 2 floors, and it just ran off down the road

I think they'd be fabulous in a public order situation . They'd sort out a sit down protest in seconds . They could be called the Territorial Scary Gits .

'Unleash the riot geese ! ' Imagine ....

Friend's widowed gander fell in love with the wheelie bin...no one could get near it to put the rubbish in as he guarded it with his life!