To ask if anyone keeps geese? And if so, what's their fucking problem?

[BastardGoDarkly]

Just that really

We've got a smallish geese farm out the back of us, and they always seem to be kicking off about something!? I only notice it around now, when I'm in bed and it's quiet. What's up with them?

I remember reading something in the 80s about an American army/air base in Europe having a flock of guarding geese. When they wanted to close the base the flock were going to be slaughtered but the servicemen enrolled them in a union/payroll type thing and the whole flock had to be redeployed. Geese are hard but also very dapper. I think they are the Peaky Blinders of the bird world.

Awwww pussycat they're gorgeous, bear no resemblance to these massive Norfolk wankers though.

Funnily enough Nerr my Dad was in the army, and I remember him saying they had a group of guard geese that lived around the armoury on camp!

at dapper geese

This thread should go in classics! It has cheered me right up!

Agressive shitbags!

YY to classics. With all the depressing shit going on, and threads whining about how it wasn't like this in the old days etc, this is MN at its funniest

I love them, but you have to show them who is boss. You can't be hesitant with a goose!

Have you seen the film 'Teeth'

That's geese

There's a lot of geese in a park not far from us and they're quite placid at least to humans.

Yeah well they are probably plotting to increase their numbers to the point where they can do away with all the humans

They're well aggro.

Large waterfowl seem to hate my DS (6). He has been bitten and chased by geese and swans more times than I care to remember. First time he was 6 months old! The worst thing is he's an animal lover so never learns and always goes over to have a gander . Never bothers them though, just offers food.

Although, I have been bitten by multiple horses, a llama and a zebra, so I clearly alienate the equidae!

My parents have a little flock of geese. About 10. My poor DD3 (aged 4) was out pottering around the yard (no machinery and just geese, ducks, chickens and rabbits for animals) one day and we were in the house and we heard her scream, the geese had got out and were chasing her around the yard. Fecking geese, they have to be locked away now as DD is terrified.

I remember when I was pregnant, DH and I were trying to come up with a list of 'fun weekend activities that don't involved getting shitfaced' and I decided it would be just lovely to go to a nearby common and feed the geese that lived in the pond there, while holding hands in a smug couple-y way.

I don't think I have ever been as utterly petrified as I was when about 60 Canada geese advanced on me in a frenzy after I threw the first handful. Oh, and DH left me for dead and ran.

We didn't do that again.

I love geese.
funny animals. but noisy
they are so fierce even armed robbers in a tank will turn around to save themselves.

and they taste much much better than turkey at christmas.

I wonder if anyone has ever been murdered by a goose?

Best Guard dogs you'll ever have.
I want my Joules wellied vegan chicken rescuer acquaintance to get some and twitter endlessly about her " beautiful ladies" , before they take a chunk out of her fat arse.

Margot I bet they have but the shady little fuckers framed someone for it

They can scent your fear! (Not really but Champagne is right) and they should be put away before dark , otherwise a fox will get them.
And the other thing about geese is .... Shit. Shitloads of it.
My late FIL law, Irish, lovely but a man of his time, so to speak, had various gnomic utterances, viz (when we talked about getting geese)
'Where there's women there's talk
And where's there geese there's shit."

They are up there with goats, utter bastards, always kicking off about one thing or another.
I grew up on a farm and some geese and goats got together in some kind of evil farm yard knobhead plot and ate our fucking washing off the line. THEY ATE CLOTHES.

The only good goose is a roasted goose

And the shit. Ye gads the shit.

We used to live by the canal and a bunch moved into our garden. We were trying to house train our puppy, we had to carry her half way over the field behind away from them every fucking hour for weeks. I blame them for her having still not entirely grasped it 9 years later :(

evil farm yard knobhead plot

Gah. "Where there's geese there's shit."

We had geese many moons ago.

They are officially bastards.

Ours were called Vickie, Victor and Victoria after Victor Meldrew, as they moaned a lot and were miserable bastards.

There was one called Colin that used to patrol the stables I used to ride at. He was the nastiest, most terrifying fucking creature I've ever met and used to run at people with wings flailing, his hellish beak wide open screeching like a fucking banshee. He was the stuff of nightmares and we were all petrified of him. I have no idea why we all cried our eyes out when he died, but we did.

My 4 yr old was chased by one when we bought rabbit food and some
Chickens a couple of months ago, she later told DH that she'd been chased by a flamingo

Oh, and the wake up call at the back door in the mornings was them pecking at it, and gah, gah ing to wake us up.