To ask if anyone keeps geese? And if so, what's their fucking problem?

[BastardGoDarkly]

Just that really

We've got a smallish geese farm out the back of us, and they always seem to be kicking off about something!? I only notice it around now, when I'm in bed and it's quiet. What's up with them?

We've got hundreds of them nearby and ducks, moorhens and coots etc. Whenever me and dh go for a stroll round the lake the geese always go for his nuts or backside

gatekeeper

My OH learned quickly not to wander around the lake in just his dressing gown for that very same reason! I don't think I've laughed so much 😂

One of my neighbors has a flock of geese in their garden why would you? The geese are always kicking off about something.

There's little a goose doesn't have an opinion on IME.

Loving Beaky Blinders

Geese are EVIL, EVIL CREATURES. You take the kids for a nice morning feeding the ducks and some EVIL geese muscle in, scare the ducks away, crowd round you and intimidate the kids.

Farmyard geese are just as bad.

This whole thread is all very amusing, but this:

I read online that the reason Canadians have a reputation for being friendly and polite is that once a month during the full moon they all go outside and perform a ritual that channels all their rage and spite into the geese

Made me actually laugh out loud while sitting alone in the kitchen. And I never actually lol at the internet.

A friend kept geese when we were kids. They had a croquet mallet by the back door to beat them off with if you wanted to go in the garden!

Hahahha I haven't even read the thread and this has cheered me up.
Just have an image of you (well a random woman!) at the window getting huffy moaning. At her partner like 'what the duck is their fuckingrf problem aarrrggh' and you look outside and it's a bunch of geese hahahah

Fuck not duck. Although that's quite appropriate

Some people juggle geese

JUGGLE GEESE? That's more dangerous than chainsaws

One of my earliest memories is of being chased by Canadian Geese... I was maybe 2 or 3, and on a day trip to a local wildlife centre with my parents and older brothers, a tiny little tot in a thick blue shiny anorak and tartan trousers (which'll probably date me ), when suddenly there was a flock of geese chasing me and my mother - who'd grabbed hold of my hand and started to run, dragging me with her. I remember being absolutely confused and terrified, especially when one latched onto the arm of my anorak and wouldn't let go. It's possible that my terror at the time makes me remember the goose as being the same height as me, but (a) I was tiny for my age anyway and (b) I remember it staring me in the eye as it hung onto my arm. Apparently I had a bruise for ages, although I don't remember that bit at all. Just the geese, the running, the direct eye contact... and my mother screaming at my father to stop taking photographs and do something now, for God's sake!!!.

DB2 has always remembered it fondly. With laughter. But it gave me an absolute phobia of birds - the noise of their wings fluttering... even just typing about them makes me feel physically sick and shuddery. And my mother - who grew up with flocks of chickens, ducks and a guard goose (who was allegedly as soft as butter to the family) - mutters about that day with a certain darkness in her voice.

I now have bantams. In an effort to cure myself of my phobia. They're lovely little characters who don't swarm out of nowhere to chase me and ruin my clothing...

Yet.

We had a pair but the gander died so just a goose now. Brilliant for warning us if there's something around that shouldn't be and for keeping the ducks where they should be

Never turn your back on an attacking goose. Turn round and make yourself as big as possible (arms out wide) and run at the goose shouting loudly. (Release your inner Raaaaah!)

A goose can fly quicker than you can run but they're scared of noisy things coming towards them.

well. can't say i've ever googled 'goose juggling' before.

10 years after moving from my geese infested town and I'm still haunted by what happened to me. They are fucking pricks.

I had two ways to walk to work, one was walking past a lake that was infested with the geese Mafia, or adding 30 mins on my walk to go around them.

I always use to take the extra 30 minutes, except for one day I was running majorly late, as soon as I stepped onto the path by the lake the honking started, one wanker was informing his mates that dinner had been served.

They flew at me and surrounded me, I was stuck there for 35 minutes, I had to phone my boss and all he heard was honking, I got bitten 4 times and made the newspaper

Yes, flying away they're fine!

Exit what's a geese killing spangle?! Is it like a bangle with magical properties? I need one.

Oh, and goose stepping, coincidence?

This thread has made me cry laughing, not least because I'm trying to get DS to nap and I daren't make a sound and it huuuuuurts...

I too have a spangle but he's a lover not a fighter. He once leapt into a river to chase some ducklings the little fucker and got beaten up by the mother duck served him right and he hasn't done it again

Eeep!

My geese 😍

I think most people have a terrorised by geese story. Because they are cunts.

The geese that is, not the people.

Don't tar all geese with the same brush!

I used to work on a visitor farm and we had a lovely flock of Greylag geese. Really gentle creatures. Would often take themselves to bed at night, but if they were still out in the paddock all you'd have to do is get behind them and walk them in. No arm flapping necessary, they knew exactly what was wanted of them and would do it.

The pair of Chinese geese, on the other hand... No one told me the gander's nickname was Satan, and that he disliked women. So the first time he took offence at me trying to persuade me to go into his house at night and decided to bite me on the thigh came as a bit of a shock! Had a wonderful bruise covering the entire thigh the next day, which happened to be the day we read about the geese on the Capitoline in Latin. None of my class could believe geese could make such good guard animals, so I showed them the very bottom of the bruise!

These geese would often decide they were not going in for the night, and would swim out to the middle of their small lake to prove this. Hey ho!

Growing up I had a friend who lived on a farm. They had geese, and they called them the geestapo. They once trapped me in an empty stable I had hidden in playing hide and seek, honking and hissing and staring at me - they are evil, creepy creatures! I spotted her mum and shouted at her to rescue me but she gave me a telling off for upsetting her animals. Then again, she was evil and creepy as well. I think that was the last time I visited that farm!

We may need another thread to discuss the turtle mouth thing. I wouldn't want the gees to think we aren't paying them sufficient attention.

I have a scar on my leg from a bastard goose. I love them ... at Christmas with lots of port and plum sauce with stuffing.