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AIBU?

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Original poster

I've been called a prostitute!!

276 replies

cavkc123 · 20/09/2016 19:42

Group of friends, 4 couples, known each other for years, the guys went to school together and we're all in our late 40's

We recently all went away renting a house in France for a long weekend. Some of us manage to see each other fairly often, but it's only generally every couple of years that we all manage to get together at the same

One of the chaps has a new girlfriend who we were all meeting for the first time. I know it's horrid coming into formed friendships, but over the years first wives have come and gone and we're certainly not cliquey.

Now DH and I have a very good standard of living, I don't work, we take several holidays a every year blah blah. On the first evening, the new gf asked what I did for a living and someone laughed and said 'shopping', which we all agreed sounded about right! It was all very light hearted, however the new gf said that in her opinion that was the same as being a legal prostitute ... WTF !! No one knew really what to say, so there was an embarrassed laugh and we changed the subject.

She clearly didn't approve of me being a 'kept woman' and she kept having snipes and digs the whole weekend. I was looking at some shoes in a shop window and she asked if I should ask my husband if I could buy them!

Now I don't have to justify myself to her, but she knows absolutely zero about me or my life ... DH and I started a business together, from absolutely nothing, when our kids were babies. I was actually sat at my desk when I went into labour and I was back there 2 weeks later, baby by my side. We both worked incredibly hard and we sold the business 12 years ago for a sum of money which would enable me to give up work.

Our kids were 11 and 12 and it was a good time for us as a family for me to be a sahm. Fast forward 12 years, the kids have graduated and I'm still here ... We love our life and I know I am very very fortunate ... BUT what a horrid thing to say to someone the first time they've met you ... we were going to invite them all to ours for NY but I'm really not keen any more.

Fwiw any money I spent and will continue to spend will be the money that we earned together!!

AIBU to not want this woman in my home??

OP posts:
Original poster
cavkc123 · 22/09/2016 10:36

Well DH and I have decided that we ARE going to do the NYE thing.

Obviously if we are doing this, we have to invite the friend and his GF.

However DH is going to have a quiet word with his friend along the lines of 'does your GF not know about Cavkc's business background as she made several comments about her being a 'kept woman' which we all know is ridiculous' Or something along those lines

I keep reminding myself that my best friend and I disliked one another when we first met 25+ years ago (she worked for me at the time) yet now we laugh about it

OP posts:
DoinItFine · 22/09/2016 10:39

So your husband is going to tell his froend that his new cunt of a girlfriend was entirely justified in calling you a prossie, it's just that you are not actually a hooker like normal SAHMs, you are actually a respectable business woman?

Shock

Wow.

How lovely.

DoinItFine · 22/09/2016 10:40

Did you dislike your friend because she was an offensive, antisocial misogynist?

AbyssinianBanana · 22/09/2016 10:42

Why can't you invite your friend only and tell him? Your girflriend insulted me all weekend long so she obviously doesn't like me. Understandably, I don't want to welcome people into my home when they've made their feelings about so clear.

dowhatnow · 22/09/2016 10:50

Laugh about it then just be civil. The more comments she makes from now on, the funnier it will be.

Original poster
cavkc123 · 22/09/2016 11:03

So your husband is going to tell his froend that his new cunt of a girlfriend was entirely justified in calling you a prossie, it's just that you are not actually a hooker like normal SAHMs, you are actually a respectable business woman?

He'll word it better than me and that really wasn't what I meant, so apologies if I offended anyone

OP posts:
Yokohamajojo · 22/09/2016 11:11

It is hopefully going to be embarrassing for her when she does find out that you do what you do thanks to your hard work! I detest people that make snap judgements like that and think that they are just 'principled'

Either or you just don't make that sort of a comment in a new setting with people that you have never met before, her social skills have a lot to be desired

AgentCooper · 22/09/2016 11:15

Ugh, what a cock she is OP! I got called a prostitute once when I was 16 because of what I was wearing and have more recently been called a Sugar Baby as DH is on 70K and I'm on 20K.

It's horrible, and people have no right to say these things.

BakewellTartAgain · 22/09/2016 11:35

This move from your DH does essentially excuse her obnoxiousness as a mistake on her initial categorisation of you.

It makes him obnoxious too.

DoinItFine · 22/09/2016 11:42

What she said was outrageous even if you hadn't earned that money.

No conversation about her poor manners should involve any mention of the fact that she misunderstood the reality of your situation.

The focus should be on how revolting it is to call a woman a prostitute because (you think) she is a SAHM.

You can only laugh it off because it's not true, of you.

That's like being OK with a racist because they mistakenly insulted you for being mixed race when you just had dark skin and a tan.

She is an offensive, nauseous person.

I wouldn't let her over my threshold, even if I was just present when she said that to you.

But the conversation should be about the offensive insult, not the fact that it happened not to apply to you.

AnyFucker · 22/09/2016 11:44

What your H actually needs to say to his friend is that if his GF does a repeat of her previous obnoxious behaviour she will be asked to leave the premises

This scenario requires no excuse or justification

NataliaOsipova · 22/09/2016 12:36

AnyFucker is right. Your husband's speech to his friend would be justifiable if she'd walked round all weekend saying "All right for some, but some of us have to work for a living". That would be chippy, uncalled for - and rude, especially to the friend of a new partner. But she likened you to a prostitute! I'm shocked that nobody called her out - loudly - on it at the time, but you need to do so very directly now.

CrepeDeChineWag · 22/09/2016 14:42

I'm with Doinit whether you built up a business or not is entirely irrelevant. SAHM/W who have not built up a business are not prostitutes. I don't think it needs to be explained to her. She was plain wrong and bang out of order no matter what the circumstances of your situation.

Here's hoping he sees the light and gets rid before NYE

carefreeeee · 22/09/2016 17:20

Can't see how the source of the money is in any way relevant.

I like the suggestion of telling her she reminds you of the ex wife

I liked my mum being at home when I was little. I think mums should stay home if they can afford to. If you can afford to stay home and visit elderly parents that's also more worthwhile than doing paid work if you don't need the money. I'm sure your parents think so anyway. Lots of people would rather work than look after elderly relatives so fair play.

justilou · 22/09/2016 20:57

You need a theme for your NYE party. Perhaps "Pimps and Prostitutes"..... at least on friend and new girlfriend'a invite. Everyone else can go black tie.

DontMindMe1 · 23/09/2016 00:23

what about a Rags To Riches theme? Grin

Ailicece · 23/09/2016 01:15

You absolutely have to invite her, carry out the full gamut of extravaganzas suggested here (red light bulbs, bowls of multi-flavoured condoms etc) and of course take frequent comfort breaks to report back here. It's your civic duty, don't you know?

And I suggest getting your DH to burst into the room at a convenient moment with a bowl-full of delicacies, exclaiming "Pom-bears, anyone?"

I double-dare you. Go on, you know you want to!

HelenaDove · 23/09/2016 01:20

I got called a current sex worker on here when i quite clearly mentioned that i once worked in a sex chatline office between 2001 and 2003.

Ailicece · 23/09/2016 01:26

Helenadove, that's totally different as while the "current" bit was obviously wrong in your case at least you at some point made the decision to work in that industry. OP is married and not selling any services at all to random strangers (afaik) so the two situations bear no resemblance whatsoever. That isn't a judgement on whatever you did to earn a living btw, just saying it's in no way comparable - and hinting that it is kind of puts you in the same league as OP's DH's friend.

Ailicece · 23/09/2016 01:30

Ie, Helenadove, as per your post you were at one point a kind of sex worker, whereas OP never has been in any way (from what she's told us at least).

HelenaDove · 23/09/2016 01:33

I didnt say that it was. Im merely responding to the title of the thread as a stand alone statement.

i agree with the consensus here. What she said is out of order. I am not in the same league as her at all.

Because i dont think the same way as she does, A scan of my posting history will tell you that.

I may step back from MN for a while.

Because much like Cadburys its not what it was.

HelenaDove · 23/09/2016 01:35

I didnt choose to work in that industry either. Unless having to choose between that and workfare is a choice.

Which i suppose it would be down Privilege Avenue.

HelenaDove · 23/09/2016 01:44

"and hinting that it is kind of puts you in the same league as OP's DH's friend"

Fucking unbelievable.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 23/09/2016 01:45

You have met this awful woman once. I don't think you should invite her into your home OP. She was telling you who she is, listen to her.
You sound lovely, by the way, I believe jealousy was rearing its ugly head.
If you do decide to include her on NYE, don't be too offended if she declines your invitation!

HelenaDove · 23/09/2016 01:51

Alice should i apologise for it for the rest of my life?

Because THATS misogyny.

I self identify as a feminist btw.