I've been called a prostitute!!

[cavkc123]

Group of friends, 4 couples, known each other for years, the guys went to school together and we're all in our late 40's

We recently all went away renting a house in France for a long weekend. Some of us manage to see each other fairly often, but it's only generally every couple of years that we all manage to get together at the same

One of the chaps has a new girlfriend who we were all meeting for the first time. I know it's horrid coming into formed friendships, but over the years first wives have come and gone and we're certainly not cliquey.

Now DH and I have a very good standard of living, I don't work, we take several holidays a every year blah blah. On the first evening, the new gf asked what I did for a living and someone laughed and said 'shopping', which we all agreed sounded about right! It was all very light hearted, however the new gf said that in her opinion that was the same as being a legal prostitute ... WTF !! No one knew really what to say, so there was an embarrassed laugh and we changed the subject.

She clearly didn't approve of me being a 'kept woman' and she kept having snipes and digs the whole weekend. I was looking at some shoes in a shop window and she asked if I should ask my husband if I could buy them!

Now I don't have to justify myself to her, but she knows absolutely zero about me or my life ... DH and I started a business together, from absolutely nothing, when our kids were babies. I was actually sat at my desk when I went into labour and I was back there 2 weeks later, baby by my side. We both worked incredibly hard and we sold the business 12 years ago for a sum of money which would enable me to give up work.

Our kids were 11 and 12 and it was a good time for us as a family for me to be a sahm. Fast forward 12 years, the kids have graduated and I'm still here ... We love our life and I know I am very very fortunate ... BUT what a horrid thing to say to someone the first time they've met you ... we were going to invite them all to ours for NY but I'm really not keen any more.

Fwiw any money I spent and will continue to spend will be the money that we earned together!!

AIBU to not want this woman in my home??

Op she sounds bitter, I'd say that was her just reward. If someone likened me to a prostitute I'd have a hard time seeing them again, I couldn't even laugh it off but i'm thin skinned. People always make incorrect face value judgments about people they feel have a better deal than them though, it's not even personal. It's not a good sign of a happy person though!

She was horribly rude! (Why does she have to be a teacher? Damn - makes me cringe for my profession.)

However I am still reeling from Anotherprick's comment:

Too outspoken for a woman in her 40's

Was this supposed to be a joke - did I miss something?

Replace all your light bulbs with red ones for when they come round?

Genius suggestion! Do it, do it...!!

You must let us know what you decide and come back should there be an updates

As a SAHM... or 'kept woman' or 'boring' or 'yes I agree, it is a bit like a prostitute' or 'well what matters is how you use your leisure time...'

... this thread is eye-opening. Not just the initial bitchy comment towards the OP, astounding in this day and age, but the smattering of subsequent posters who agreed they too judge homemakers, housewives, SAHMs and other women who do not work as 'boring' and 'unimpressive'. I expect I would be more 'impressive' to them if I went and earned £600 a month stacking shelves and paying £900 for childcare.

But I'm not too shabby at basic arithmetic, and that doesn't really work out in my favour.

Perhaps this is better than being on the receiving end of Sunshine's ire, for to not have children is a result of being 'picky and selfish'.

Seriously. Wind it in. I am under no illusions those who scorn SAHM/housewifism are jealous - as one, frankly, I'd love to be in work - they are spiteful. They see us as docile, weak, having given up our independence to be a man's house-servant. And instead of helping - if you're curious, I've been on childcare waiting lists for over 12 months. I'd love to be working, but the care isn't there - they sneer. It's so much easier to sneer at us and turn their backs than it is to offer assistance.

Koala men have regrets everyone is human. I know plenty of women who regrets not having kids they are entitled to there feelings and they have expressed that to me. Why would men not regret having children. There are men having children in there 60's. The unfortunate thing is women have clocks to follow and then they get the menopause.

self esteem has to come from within though - fwiw i work full time, I earn enough to cover childcare for 2 DC and leave us a good chunk left over, but my DH earns 2.5 x what I do and the way my family talk about him (not even his) it's as if I am a sponger who's lucky to have 'bagged' him. Having a job won't change people making stupid judgments, you do ultimately have to let the rubbish roll off your back. A lot of people will look at what you've got and make snide comments, that's just the way unhappy people are.

Its when people men and women gets to that age when they can't do no more thats when it hits them. There on their own its a shocking reality but its true.

Do you ever consider, Sunshine, that plenty of people just plain don't want kids?

Not everyone dabs their eyes with a hanky over a pair of baby shoes at 40 you know.

Picky as in choosing a partner. Selfish meaning that person has to give up there time to raise a child not every woman wants that. There are women who want to be sterilised for crying out loud. Everyone is different in what they want from life.

I chose to be a SAHM until the kids are old enough. I do get bored of being in everyday doing the same things. I have hobbies and I am doing a course but I am still bored. I can't wait for the day when someone calls me by my first name.

Sancia I was already writing a post to you making that point. Everyone is different in what they want. Has the op ever wondered that not everyone had the same sense of humour as her. She was the but of all jokes that weekend did anyone defend her. It was a bad joke but it was a joke.

It always amuses me to put "housewife" on forms that ask for my occupation. I think I may switch to "legal prostitute" now. It'd raise some eyebrows at school, certainly!

OP Morrisons really? A legal prostitute like you should shop at Waitrose that's where me and my prostitute friends meet for shopping and coffee!!!

Natalia thats how men think you should hear my partner talk about women. She buffs herself all day while the man is at work then she shows him whay he looks like. His mum had 5 kids and she worked her arse off and she was a single parent. He is very judgemental towards women because of his mother.

Take a look at Relationships. Maybe people need to be 'picky' because there's a lot of very duff fish in the sea. Pickiness is a virtue. Proud to be picky. Outdated views about 'selfishness' (how dare a woman want to be something other than a walking uterus) and 'pickiness' (she could have settled for that nice cheating gambler, at least he didn't hit her) belong back in the 1950s.

There are some women who say I am to selfish to have children I want to live my life how I chose and do the things I want to do. There is nothing wrong with that we all have a choice. Not all men are like that women could be picky over a mans career choice. I weren't born in 50's I am all for womens choice we are more aware of our options now than in the 50's. Women today are not ashamed to admit. A woman at 25 goes to the papers and tells the world she don't want kids but the doctors refuse to tie her tubes. I have my appointment next week to start the ball rolling for my womb.

Sancia why do have to be so sinister about it. Atleast he didn't hit her. All men do that.

I'm with you, Sancia.

Another one wondering why tf you changed the subject after the initial faux pas? Why didn't someone just say, 'Oh, Cavkc and her husband set up and sold x business, she was instrumental in getting it off the ground, blah, blah' instead of going for the in-jokey- 'she shops!' comment? It's a bit weird she didn't know; surely it's one of the first things you talk about when meeting a new group of friends - what they all do. What she said was definitely rude, but I'm detecting some pearl-clutching delight going on here, which is only going to shove her even further away from the group, especially if you deliberately keep her in the dark.

As for other posters suggesting she's being 'a bit outspoken for a woman in her 40s' and implications that her bitterness is being transmitted directly from her barren womb - .

I met a woman on the bus she told me she wanted kids but she couldn't. She was happilly married. It does pull on peoples heart strings especialy if they wanted children. Everyones circumstances is different and it can make you feel bitter and regretful.

I think the messages have been very mixed.

There is 'Oh I have a great lifestyle.. I don't work... I do shopping' Which gives one impression.

Then - rather later - there is 'I renovate and manage properties, care for elderly parents, and spend several hours a day at my desk.' Which gives a somewhat different impression

It's all a bit confusing. It's possible that if I had been invited to join a group of old friends I might be rather confused, by all the 'jokes' - not knowing what to make of them.

Civility is, of course, always desirable - even if one feels marginalised in any given situation.

Why didn't someone just say, 'Oh, Cavkc and her husband set up and sold x business, she was instrumental in getting it off the ground, blah, blah' instead of going for the in-jokey- 'she shops!' comment?

Because it's a bit braggy and might embarrass the OP? Or they thought it might look like showing off to the newcomer to the group? My DH would make a similar joke about me "What does Natalia do? She drinks coffee..." - but it would obviously be intended to be taken as such. That said, if anyone came back with "Oh, so you pay for her to have sex with you then?", either he or I or both would take that person's head off on the spot. I'm a bit shocked that one of the others in the group didn't react similarly. I'm all for a bit of a laugh, but that comment is grossly offensive in almost any context.

As you say OP, mocking and laughing at someone else's expense is one thing in a group of friends who go back years, but taking it further and making such a rude remark to a stranger is jaw droppingly crass.

While it's funny to have a laugh here at all the things you could do or say in retaliation, I think I'd have gone for the hard stare and 'how spectacularly rude' Bugger the awkward silence afterwards. What she said was't entering into anything lighthearted.

One mistake you made in the op was to say 'I don't work' as opposed to 'I'm not employed' The thing is, not everyone broadcasts all the private details of their life and so people shouldn't judge. For years it appeared to the world at large that I was a SAHM, but I was self employed from home, quietly getting on with earning quite a nice living with flexible hours that didn't involve living off immoral earnings either

Have you discussed what to do about NYE?

Jennie You might be confused, but presumably you'd just ask your own DP later what was going on rather than trying to cause offence.

Cats I take full responsibility for planting that idea. I was only going on the fact she told her she shopped and has kids. You don't know how people feel about it. Why weren't the op upfront to begin with. Maybe she wants that life no one knows.