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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I've been called a prostitute!!

276 replies

cavkc123 · 20/09/2016 19:42

Group of friends, 4 couples, known each other for years, the guys went to school together and we're all in our late 40's

We recently all went away renting a house in France for a long weekend. Some of us manage to see each other fairly often, but it's only generally every couple of years that we all manage to get together at the same

One of the chaps has a new girlfriend who we were all meeting for the first time. I know it's horrid coming into formed friendships, but over the years first wives have come and gone and we're certainly not cliquey.

Now DH and I have a very good standard of living, I don't work, we take several holidays a every year blah blah. On the first evening, the new gf asked what I did for a living and someone laughed and said 'shopping', which we all agreed sounded about right! It was all very light hearted, however the new gf said that in her opinion that was the same as being a legal prostitute ... WTF !! No one knew really what to say, so there was an embarrassed laugh and we changed the subject.

She clearly didn't approve of me being a 'kept woman' and she kept having snipes and digs the whole weekend. I was looking at some shoes in a shop window and she asked if I should ask my husband if I could buy them!

Now I don't have to justify myself to her, but she knows absolutely zero about me or my life ... DH and I started a business together, from absolutely nothing, when our kids were babies. I was actually sat at my desk when I went into labour and I was back there 2 weeks later, baby by my side. We both worked incredibly hard and we sold the business 12 years ago for a sum of money which would enable me to give up work.

Our kids were 11 and 12 and it was a good time for us as a family for me to be a sahm. Fast forward 12 years, the kids have graduated and I'm still here ... We love our life and I know I am very very fortunate ... BUT what a horrid thing to say to someone the first time they've met you ... we were going to invite them all to ours for NY but I'm really not keen any more.

Fwiw any money I spent and will continue to spend will be the money that we earned together!!

AIBU to not want this woman in my home??

OP posts:

IceIceIce · 21/09/2016 13:45

"Oh. Well I'm sure you won't want to sully your oh so professional self by hanging about with a whore then." slam door in face.

IceIceIce · 21/09/2016 13:49

I don't think the shopping comment was as offensive as some seem to take it. It's the sort of thing my friends say to me because Ito a known fact I loathe manual labour. It's said in an envious but happy for you kind of way, rather than the prostitute comment which is just nasty.

Original poster

cavkc123 · 21/09/2016 14:19

There is 'Oh I have a great lifestyle.. I don't work... I do shopping' Which gives one impression.

I was being facetious, of course I do more than that

Then - rather later - there is 'I renovate and manage properties, care for elderly parents, and spend several hours a day at my desk.' Which gives a somewhat different impression

I don't consider myself to be 'working', I enjoy spending the time with my ageing parents and consider myself lucky to be able to help take care of them (they have a live-in 24/7 carer but I still sort their meals and visit several times a week).

The largest renovation I took on was our own home, so not work in the traditional sense as I was doing it to create a lovely family home.

Other property stuff takes me probably 4 hours a month so hardly 'work'

Time spent on the pc is generally personal stuff

I say I don't work, because to me, what I do is what a lot of sahm's do, its part of family life, organising who's does what and when and fitting other stuff in around it

So 'Oh I have a great lifestyle.. I don't work... I do shopping' yeap still agree with the description ... and yes I still possibly do a tad more shopping than some

OP posts:

Original poster

cavkc123 · 21/09/2016 14:22

Why weren't the op upfront to begin with. Maybe she wants that life no one knows.

Because on here, where it's all anonymous I'm happy to share the more personal details of my life. However, DH and I are both fairly private people, except with one another and we don't shout about what we have or haven't done

OP posts:

Sunshineonacloudyday · 21/09/2016 14:38

She might hang out with a lot of men that is what men would generaly say about a woman as a joke. An mp called women sluts the other day. Try and get to know her and tell her ifshe is being innapropriate. Even peoplein their 40's are still learning how to behave.

DontMindMe1 · 21/09/2016 17:07

you don't need to tell all your private details to put someone in their place.
My reply would have been "thank you for sharing your ignorant opinion. I earned my money by hard work and am now enjoying my early retirement. Keep your jealousy and offensive opinions to yourself."

DontMindMe1 · 21/09/2016 17:07

or you could tell her she sounds like his ex-wife

HerFaceIsAMapOfTheWorld · 21/09/2016 17:34

Wow her green eyed monster is strong. How your friend can deal with that bitter headache I do not know but I suspect they wont last long

WindPowerRanger · 21/09/2016 18:07

I am amazed anyone would tell the OP to host this woman. It wasn't a foot in mouth moment as she carried on making digs at the OP-it was a calculated and gratuitous insult to someone she had only just met.

It is incredibly disappointing though, to read so many posts denigrating women who don't work outside the home. When are we going to get past this, for heaven's sake? Running a home and looking after children and/or elderly parents is WORK. That's why, if you don't do it yourself, you have to pay someone else quite significant money to do it for you. IT IS WORK. Being an at home parent means you are unwaged, it does not automatically mean you are lazy, boring, useless or a parasite on your earning partner.

How come so many women have joined in the denigration of the vital and valuable domestic and caring work (traditionally) done by women? It sure as hell isn't the kind of feminism I signed up for.

AnyFucker · 21/09/2016 18:12

My take on this is that the silly mare thought she was doing Feminism

Except she gets it very wrong

FlyingElbows · 21/09/2016 18:23

A friend of mine said the same thing to me once except I wasn't a "prostitute" I was a "parasite". That was years ago and it still hurts (I'm a human being who made a choice based on the needs of my children, I am NOT a parasite). I considered her a good friend and it turns out I was very wrong. Even if you think it you don't say it.

Yorkieheaven · 21/09/2016 18:30

Oh no way would I spend one more minute in this jealous rude bitches company. Absolutely not have her in my house. She's lost the right.

Flying it's again jealousy that's all. You should have bitten her like a parasite.

CoraPirbright · 21/09/2016 18:42

WindPowerRanger makes many excellent points.

Have you decided what you are going to do re NYE, OP?

NataliaOsipova · 21/09/2016 19:28

Flying that's horrible. As you say, you just don't say it. But do you know what? I think it's worse than that - because it's not a fair fight. If you are a SAHM you're not allowed the comeback. To be honest, I'm reluctant even to write down the obvious comeback to that on here because I will instantly get a flaming! So I'll use a less offensive example - a friend of mine gave me the "Aren't you even going to look at going back to work?" line. Some judgement implied there (or inferred by me, at least!). But if I'd said "No - aren't you even going to think about spending some time not working and being at home with your children?", then I'd have been classed as the biggest bitch ever.

Same thing with the OP - if she'd laughed in this woman's face and said "Maybe, but I get paid more than you do" or "No, I don't need to ask my DH because we are actually fucking rich" then all hell would have broken loose.

Maybe SAHMs should just take the gloves off in these sort of situations and start giving it right back....

CrepeDeChineWag · 21/09/2016 19:30

Why are people getting hung up on what the OP does in her day? Anyone with any amount of humour in them would have cottoned on straight away that the OP did more than shopping with her day. But so what if that WAS all she did? Does this make it ok to brand her a prostitute.

People coming on here to say but if you'd only said you helped your parents/renovated houses the girlfriend would have seen what a great woman you are and everything would have been tickety boo.

Perhaps if the girlfriend had been pleasant the conversation would have flowed on and all would have been revealed

CrepeDeChineWag · 21/09/2016 19:47

sunshine the men whose company you keep sound appalling. The men I know don't make jokes like this. You need to widen your social circle

Sunshineonacloudyday · 21/09/2016 21:56

I can't they are family I don't associate myself with them. My partner makes bad jokes I don't tolerate it though.

SabineUndine · 21/09/2016 22:01

I wouldn't want her around. It's not just an outbreak of foot in mouth disease if she has repeated it. She can fuck right off.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 21/09/2016 22:04

It might be difficult at future gatherings I can't see the men not wanting to see each other if they are good friends. The op could not go and let her dh attend. I'm not talking about NYE that time is for you and you're dh.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 21/09/2016 22:17

"No - aren't you even going to think about spending some time not working and being at home with your children?"

I felt like telling someone that once. You give up a lot looking after children and people do belittle what you do. The reason why I come across as a bored SAHM is because my dad would say my mum retired when she married him. My dad told my partner I would make a good cook and cleaner. I know I am worth more than that that is insulting. I am going to play Queen I want to break free.

Masketti · 21/09/2016 22:27

FWIW it doesn't matter how you as a couple can afford for you not to work. You could have a trust fund because your parents died when you were young (happened to a friend of mine) so it wouldn't be your DH 'keeping' you anyway.

She clearly has a huge chip on her shoulder and if the others can see it it's only a matter of time before her DP sees it.

My DH works full time and I work part time. It might look like he works to 'keep' me only working part time. Except I earn more in 3 days than he does in 5. Who needs to know that? Absolutely no one because it's no body else's business just like how as a couple you made a successful company you sold up and 'retired' on. So ultimately you're retired not kept. Now where are your pipe and slippers?

NataliaOsipova · 21/09/2016 22:35

The "kept woman" thing reminds me...

The friend to whom I referred up thread was banging on again at her DS's christening about why I wasn't going back to work. This time her mum (a longtime housewife) was there and eventually got frustrated with her and weighed in on my behalf. "For goodness sake, will you let it drop. What on earth would Natalia want to go back to work for? She LIKES being a kept woman, don't you Natalia? I've been one for 40 years and it's great!"

I did think I wouldn't have put it quite like that myself, but I have to say I was strangely grateful for the intervention at the time!!

Lovecat · 21/09/2016 23:01

This woman sounds scarily reminiscent of a friend's GF (long since ex) who would be that age by now and was an NQT at the time (25 years ago).

She came round to dinner with our friend and two other friend of ours, a gay couple (this is relevant) and we got to talking about music. One of the couple said he liked R&B, En Vogue, Mary J Blige, that sort of thing. She rolled her eyes and said "Oh, that black shit."

There was this horrified silence and we all stared at her, not knowing what to say.

In what I can only assume was an attempt to laugh it off, she then said to what is probably the campest man I've ever known "well, you men only like it for the girls with the big tits shaking their arses in the videos, don't you?"

Again, we all just stared at her in disbelief and they left quite soon afterwards. Thank God they broke up soon afterwards (I think he was as shocked as the rest of us by what she said, they'd not been seeing each other that long) so I never had your dilemma about asking them over again, OP. I wonder if it's her... there surely can't be two of them? :o

DeadGood · 21/09/2016 23:19

Oooh what an exciting development that would be lovecat - you have to describe a physical characteristic so the OP can tell us if it was the same person!

MissElizaBennettsBaubles · 22/09/2016 00:11

My reply would have been "thank you for sharing your ignorant opinion. I earned my money by hard work and am now enjoying my early retirement. Keep your jealousy and offensive opinions to yourself."

This. Except that I would not have thanked her.

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