Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I've been called a prostitute!!

276 replies

cavkc123 · 20/09/2016 19:42

Group of friends, 4 couples, known each other for years, the guys went to school together and we're all in our late 40's

We recently all went away renting a house in France for a long weekend. Some of us manage to see each other fairly often, but it's only generally every couple of years that we all manage to get together at the same

One of the chaps has a new girlfriend who we were all meeting for the first time. I know it's horrid coming into formed friendships, but over the years first wives have come and gone and we're certainly not cliquey.

Now DH and I have a very good standard of living, I don't work, we take several holidays a every year blah blah. On the first evening, the new gf asked what I did for a living and someone laughed and said 'shopping', which we all agreed sounded about right! It was all very light hearted, however the new gf said that in her opinion that was the same as being a legal prostitute ... WTF !! No one knew really what to say, so there was an embarrassed laugh and we changed the subject.

She clearly didn't approve of me being a 'kept woman' and she kept having snipes and digs the whole weekend. I was looking at some shoes in a shop window and she asked if I should ask my husband if I could buy them!

Now I don't have to justify myself to her, but she knows absolutely zero about me or my life ... DH and I started a business together, from absolutely nothing, when our kids were babies. I was actually sat at my desk when I went into labour and I was back there 2 weeks later, baby by my side. We both worked incredibly hard and we sold the business 12 years ago for a sum of money which would enable me to give up work.

Our kids were 11 and 12 and it was a good time for us as a family for me to be a sahm. Fast forward 12 years, the kids have graduated and I'm still here ... We love our life and I know I am very very fortunate ... BUT what a horrid thing to say to someone the first time they've met you ... we were going to invite them all to ours for NY but I'm really not keen any more.

Fwiw any money I spent and will continue to spend will be the money that we earned together!!

AIBU to not want this woman in my home??

OP posts:
DontMindMe1 · 23/09/2016 02:12

you were at one point a kind of sex worker

Grin Grin Grin i've heard it all now!

Since when did talking dirty mean a woman is a prostitute?!! Shock

If you believe that then why not go one further and say that if a woman gets married then she's a 'legal prostitute'?

HelenaDove · 23/09/2016 02:27

YY DontMindMe.

The absolute best bit is her inferrence that IM a misogynist ME.

I Cant Even....................................

HelenaDove · 23/09/2016 02:32

"you were at one point a kind of sex worker"

i believe the terminology is slut shaming which is a form of misogyny.

ChickenSalad · 23/09/2016 02:40

Perhaps the woman herself is a bit of gold-digger, OP? Criticism of others often comes from personal failings of the critic, especially when it is so out of the blue like that.

KoalaDownUnder · 23/09/2016 04:04

Ailicece are you fucking kidding me?!

Atenco · 23/09/2016 05:13

HelenaDove Don't go, I always appreciate your posts.

Atenco · 23/09/2016 05:16

No offense, OP, as this clearly doesn't apply to you, but here in Mexico a lot of young women look for a wealthy man to marry. I do think that is on a par with sex work, though I sort of think if had to do that job, I would prefer freelance with random strangers.

joellevandyne · 23/09/2016 05:19

I agree with AnyFucker that if you're set on inviting her, your graciousness should extend only as far as noting to the boyfriend that if she repeats the grim behaviour of her last visit, she'll be finding alternative accommodation.

Ailicece · 23/09/2016 07:17

Helenadove, I apologise - I certainly didn't mean to equate talking dirty with prostitution, and I'm sorry that I seem to have done, that wasn't how I meant it. I was just trying to say that OP isn't selling ANY kind of services to random men. Of course it would be ridiculous to refer to what you did as prostitution - it's very much at the soft end of the porn industry. I wouldn't have been happy for my DH to have rung you though.

Ailicece · 23/09/2016 07:23

And of course you don't need to apologise for it for the rest of your life Helenadove We all do what we feel we have to do to survive (and that includes actual prostitutes too). My post wasn't judging your situation, just pointing out that it's unfair on the OP to infer that she's selling sexual services - she isn't. She's in a partnership, end of.

BerylStreep · 23/09/2016 13:45

Personally I wouldn't invite her to NYE, however you are obviously a better person than I am.

However I would suggest your DH rephrases the invite a little.

Possibly 'You are of course both very welcome to come on NYE, however don't feel obliged to come. made her dislike of Cavkc pretty clear when we were in France, so I'll understand if you would prefer not to come along.'

bibbitybobbityyhat · 23/09/2016 14:02

She doesn't sound like potential friend material to me, but then I find it hard to warm to people who are rubbish in social situations. I do expect people to be able to find something in common and do a bit of small talk, even on first meeting.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 23/09/2016 14:03

Helena you have nothing to explain you are being honest and people are passing judgment. Ignore them they want to wind you up.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 23/09/2016 14:04

What on earth was that massive me-rail all about? Why can't people stick to the bloody subject of the thread?

Tut.

HelenaDove · 23/09/2016 14:22

It was actually more the inferrence that i am like the woman who insulted the OP that pissed me off.

Because i can assure you i am not.

Thanks Atenco Thanks

I completely understand why poorer women in Mexico look for a wealthy man to marry. Because its the only way out of poverty not only for them but their parents and other relatives too.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 23/09/2016 14:53

My family behind my back said that the only reason I am having children is to ask my family for money????? I have never asked them for a penny. You don't get rid of people like that you keep them close. Let them see how well you are doing and leave them to let it burn. If they are miserable add to their misery. Keep you're friends close and enemies even closer. No one should have to prove themselves make her talk about you in vain. Give her something.

AnyFucker · 23/09/2016 19:17

I hope you are sticking around, Helena

When I see you on a thread, it comforts me. Does that make sense ?

HelenaDove · 23/09/2016 21:22

Likewise AF It reassures me to see you on threads too.

And thanks.

i will be sticking around.

PortiaCastis · 23/09/2016 21:51

Just came across this thread and saw Helena being made to feel like crap. How nice that someone who is caring for an ill husband and only worked on a chat line to make ends meet is degraded. The other day we had people saying they'd send naked selfies one of whom said she spent a lot of time making herself look 'nice' Which is worse?
Helena you can hold your head high.
AF sensible as ever and I think OP should take your advice
I wasn't sensible and posted a link on the naked selfie thread just letting everyone know how to hack an iphone which I thought would be a warning. Then I realised that this is a public forum and I was telling joe public how to hack so got MNHQ to delete my post asap.My fault for not thinking before I posted,!

HelenaDove · 23/09/2016 21:58

I could NOT even get my head around an iphone I cant even get my Android to send texts.

Bloody technology.

PortiaCastis · 23/09/2016 22:03

I have a teen to help Grin

Ailicece · 23/09/2016 22:20

Portia I resent being told that I've knowingly made Helena feel like crap. Even though I've been here for 10+ years, I haven't come across her (at least not consciously) and so was entirely unaware of her situation, or that it somehow lends her "special" status, meaning that her posts can't be commented on in good faith. How was I supposed to know about her husband's illness, or indeed, how does this relate to the OP's situation in any way?

All I saw was an OP who has already been made to feel like crap (in your own words), suddenly equated to working in the sex industry, albeit at a low level.

But I take your point. You (and HelenaDove and everyone else who has sprung to her defence at my supposed attack - although please reread what I said as I have at no point been judgemental of anyone who finds themselves working in any aspect of the sex industry) have got what you wanted. I'm going to deregister my own account and will look elsewhere for support. You have NO idea what I'm personally going through but that's fine. Thanks for (not) acknowledging my earlier apology as well. Goodnight and goodbye.

dustarr73 · 23/09/2016 22:59

Op you have had some flak,but came back fighting and laughing.

This person was invited to a social gathering.She doesnt know you.So in this instance she should have kept her trap shut.She is 100% in the wrong.

If you spend your day blowing bubbles its nobody elses business.What she was implying is awful,there is no way i would invite her but i would turn it back on her..

HelenaDove · 23/09/2016 23:00

Hey Alicce I completely missed what you posted I only skim read to the bottom on my phone which doesnt show all posts propeerly and could only see AFS post properly at the time.

Am on my laptop now and can see it.

Im sorry too and i hope you stay Thanks Thanks

I am shit at technology I have had this Android phone since the summer of last year and STILL cant send a text on the bloody thing just to give you some idea.

user9876543210 · 23/09/2016 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.