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AIBU?

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Original poster

I've been called a prostitute!!

276 replies

cavkc123 · 20/09/2016 19:42

Group of friends, 4 couples, known each other for years, the guys went to school together and we're all in our late 40's

We recently all went away renting a house in France for a long weekend. Some of us manage to see each other fairly often, but it's only generally every couple of years that we all manage to get together at the same

One of the chaps has a new girlfriend who we were all meeting for the first time. I know it's horrid coming into formed friendships, but over the years first wives have come and gone and we're certainly not cliquey.

Now DH and I have a very good standard of living, I don't work, we take several holidays a every year blah blah. On the first evening, the new gf asked what I did for a living and someone laughed and said 'shopping', which we all agreed sounded about right! It was all very light hearted, however the new gf said that in her opinion that was the same as being a legal prostitute ... WTF !! No one knew really what to say, so there was an embarrassed laugh and we changed the subject.

She clearly didn't approve of me being a 'kept woman' and she kept having snipes and digs the whole weekend. I was looking at some shoes in a shop window and she asked if I should ask my husband if I could buy them!

Now I don't have to justify myself to her, but she knows absolutely zero about me or my life ... DH and I started a business together, from absolutely nothing, when our kids were babies. I was actually sat at my desk when I went into labour and I was back there 2 weeks later, baby by my side. We both worked incredibly hard and we sold the business 12 years ago for a sum of money which would enable me to give up work.

Our kids were 11 and 12 and it was a good time for us as a family for me to be a sahm. Fast forward 12 years, the kids have graduated and I'm still here ... We love our life and I know I am very very fortunate ... BUT what a horrid thing to say to someone the first time they've met you ... we were going to invite them all to ours for NY but I'm really not keen any more.

Fwiw any money I spent and will continue to spend will be the money that we earned together!!

AIBU to not want this woman in my home??

OP posts:
PenileImplant · 20/09/2016 20:21

I know it's horrid coming into formed friendships, but over the years first wives have come and gone and we're certainly not cliquey.

Hmm

There are only four couples so how are you all friends if they are regularly replaced? Do the women just get together whoever is the girlfriend/wife that week?

Haffdonga · 20/09/2016 20:21

Was her dp there to hear what she said?

Twinchaos1 · 20/09/2016 20:24

Very nasty comment. My DH earns much more than me and I work half time but we are a team and pull together. It really isn't anyone else's business how you organise yourselves as a couple.

thegoodnameshadgone · 20/09/2016 20:24

Pure jealousy. You worked hard. You've done well. Your reaping the benefits. Well done!

Wha this it that she does??

thegoodnameshadgone · 20/09/2016 20:24

Sorry what does she do?

DoinItFine · 20/09/2016 20:26

Her rudeness is mind blowing.

To meet an old friend of her boyfriend's and insult her to her face in front of the group... the mind boggles.

To call a woman a prostitute because you (incorrectly) presume her husband earns all the money is just so nasty and misogynist.

It would be worse in a way if she hadn't been so wrong about your circumstances.

But it says nothing good about her that she thought it OK to express such nastiness in front of people she just met.

Not a chance she would cross my threshold.

That's fighting talk.

I would be crystal clear to my friend that she was a non-person to ne from now on.

YelloDraw · 20/09/2016 20:26

You know, I think I would invite the couple - but I would message her and say something along the lines of

"Hi [x]. I feel like we got off on the wrong foot on holiday, I didn't appreciate your 'jokes' about me being a prostitute. Hopefully you can put any issues you have about mine and DH's lifestyle aside, and come and enjoy the party. Regards, OP"

Or get DH to tell her DH she was well out of line and needs to be told to stop being a nightmare.

GabsAlot · 20/09/2016 20:27

cant your dh have a word with his mate

he should have said somehting to his new er partner already but theres no need for that even if u thought it keep it to yourself-rude bitch

pinkyredrose · 20/09/2016 20:28

She's a stupid bitch. Being a prostitute is legal anyway.

Original poster
cavkc123 · 20/09/2016 20:29

The four men went to school together.

They went to one another's weddings when they were in their 20's

One is still married to his first wife

DH got divorced after 3 years, met me 2 years later, so I've been part of 'the group' for 25 years

Another friend got divorced 10 years ago and remarried 6 years ago

Friend with the new girl friend divorced last year

Not a particularly unusual group by today's standards.

I think it's testament to their friendship that they have remained so close despite now living in different parts of the UK and Europe.

OP posts:
DartmoorDoughnut · 20/09/2016 20:29

Well isn't she a joy!

Original poster
cavkc123 · 20/09/2016 20:29

The four men went to school together.

They went to one another's weddings when they were in their 20's

One is still married to his first wife

DH got divorced after 3 years, met me 2 years later, so I've been part of 'the group' for 25 years

Another friend got divorced 10 years ago and remarried 6 years ago

Friend with the new girl friend divorced last year

Not a particularly unusual group by today's standards.

I think it's testament to their friendship that they have remained so close despite now living in different parts of the UK and Europe.

OP posts:
LastGirlOnTheLeft · 20/09/2016 20:31

She's very rude, but it definitely comes from envy!! She wants what you have, and to make her feel better she is trying to bring you down a little so the gap between you doesn't feel so wide.

You have dear friends, a husband who loves you, successful children and a wonderful lifestyle....she is just wishing her life was like yours!!! But she was sooooo rude and degrading that if I were you, I wouldn't want her around me either.

GabsAlot · 20/09/2016 20:31

yes they know each other so shojld be able to say something about her remarks

SoleBizzz · 20/09/2016 20:33

What an uneducated jealous remark! Cheeky fucking bitch. You don't have to justify yourself to anybody especially that thing!!!

SoleBizzz · 20/09/2016 20:34

I hope he dumps her for that!!

SavageBeauty73 · 20/09/2016 20:35

What a bitch.

Original poster
cavkc123 · 20/09/2016 20:42

She's a teacher, not that that makes any difference.

She is obviously hugely independent, late. 40's, never been married or had children. Has travelled, worked and lived all over the world ... it's such a shame she's such a judgemental bitch and clearly has a thing about 'kept' women as she's obviously had an interesting life.

The other wives are as appalled as I was but figured it would be ages before they'd have to see her again ... they don't know about NYE ... we know none of them have plans as yet as it came up during the weekend ... so when we got home DH said how lovely it would be if they all came to us, but then realised we'd have to invite her as well!!

I almost don't want her to know where 'my' money comes from ... wtf has it got to do with her! I'll tell her I've never worked a day in my life

OP posts:
littleprincesssara · 20/09/2016 20:46

I don't think it's appropriate for your friend to inform someone brand new that you don't have a job and your job is spending your husband's money. The girl is being judgemental but she's basing her judgements on info given her which is neither accurate nor the person's right to give her.

Have a word with your friend about not telling strangers' shit about you! Saying shopping as a joke around friends is different from telling someone outside the friendship group.

KC225 · 20/09/2016 20:46

I thought it was going to be someone mistook you for a prostitute (happened to me in a restaurant in Kiev) but that it awful. She is quite clearly socially inept. Why on earth would you say such a thing to someone, let alone someone you had just met. I agree with hassled, let her boyfriend know what she has said and how she has behaved. There is no excuse for sure bad manners. I wouldn't want her in the same County, let alone my house.

MissLadyM · 20/09/2016 20:47

I'd avoid the rude cunt forever - cheeky bitch!

PickAChew · 20/09/2016 20:48

Well isn't she just a little ray of sunshine.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 20/09/2016 20:50

Not having kids will catch up with her soon if it hasn't already. She sounds like my cousin who is loopy. Don't take offence confront her about how you felt. She is most probably jealous of you're life. If she can be upfront with you then give it back.

Floggingmolly · 20/09/2016 20:50

Now there's a way to ingratiate your way into a new group of friends Grin
Refuse to have her anywhere near you, on the grounds that she's as thick as pigshit.

Original poster
cavkc123 · 20/09/2016 20:51

I'm really not annoyed with the friend who said 'shopping'. It's what he knew I would have said and he knows it, he was just saying it first ... but even so, so what if I'm not hurting anyone.

You know Mumsnet is very cathartic ... I've been really cross about this since we got home on Sunday yet now I'm finding it funny

OP posts: