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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I've been called a prostitute!!

276 replies

cavkc123 · 20/09/2016 19:42

Group of friends, 4 couples, known each other for years, the guys went to school together and we're all in our late 40's

We recently all went away renting a house in France for a long weekend. Some of us manage to see each other fairly often, but it's only generally every couple of years that we all manage to get together at the same

One of the chaps has a new girlfriend who we were all meeting for the first time. I know it's horrid coming into formed friendships, but over the years first wives have come and gone and we're certainly not cliquey.

Now DH and I have a very good standard of living, I don't work, we take several holidays a every year blah blah. On the first evening, the new gf asked what I did for a living and someone laughed and said 'shopping', which we all agreed sounded about right! It was all very light hearted, however the new gf said that in her opinion that was the same as being a legal prostitute ... WTF !! No one knew really what to say, so there was an embarrassed laugh and we changed the subject.

She clearly didn't approve of me being a 'kept woman' and she kept having snipes and digs the whole weekend. I was looking at some shoes in a shop window and she asked if I should ask my husband if I could buy them!

Now I don't have to justify myself to her, but she knows absolutely zero about me or my life ... DH and I started a business together, from absolutely nothing, when our kids were babies. I was actually sat at my desk when I went into labour and I was back there 2 weeks later, baby by my side. We both worked incredibly hard and we sold the business 12 years ago for a sum of money which would enable me to give up work.

Our kids were 11 and 12 and it was a good time for us as a family for me to be a sahm. Fast forward 12 years, the kids have graduated and I'm still here ... We love our life and I know I am very very fortunate ... BUT what a horrid thing to say to someone the first time they've met you ... we were going to invite them all to ours for NY but I'm really not keen any more.

Fwiw any money I spent and will continue to spend will be the money that we earned together!!

AIBU to not want this woman in my home??

OP posts:
JessieMcJessie · 20/09/2016 22:52

I don't know why you didn't just explain to her at the time that your money came from a joint business. That would have embarrassed her and shamed her on the spot. It wasn't right just to let the comment slide with no response and then harbour resentment.

Interesting that you consider a group of 4 male school friends who have ALL divorced to be "normal". I am a similar age to you and know very few divorcees.

NataliaOsipova · 20/09/2016 22:54

...but Jessie, the woman was unspeakably rude. Why should the OP have to explain anything about her financial set up to her? Possibly she should have told her to bugger right off and stop being so rude, but that's easy to say with hindsight.

LastGirlOnTheLeft · 20/09/2016 23:00

I'm with you, Jessie!! The gendered insults on this thread, with the OP taking delight in them , makes me take back everything I said. I don't think she is someone to be envied at all.

JessieMcJessie · 20/09/2016 23:03

Because, osipova that way the. Unspeakably rude woman would have been shamed there and then in front of the whole group. And my point was not that OP should have had to explain (though that would have been my preferred approach) but that at the very least she should have called the woman out on her rudeness, not let it pass with no comment whatsoever.

HedgehogHedgehog · 20/09/2016 23:16

'You will end up The Most Boring person in the world if you never work again' LMFAO yes everyone who is in paid employment is SO interesting. Thats what i like to talk to people about at parties... their job answering phones or filling in forms.... its just so fascinating

DixieWishbone · 20/09/2016 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hefzi · 20/09/2016 23:37

Wow, fascinating to see that misogyny is so alive and well on Mumsnet Hmm But hey, no shame in being child-free and independent, hey?!

And as for the rest - if shopping, albeit with your own money, is your idea of a fulfilling lifestyle, I wouldn't dream of judging: but perhaps. OP and sympathisers, you could possibly return the compliment?

CrepeDeChineWag · 20/09/2016 23:42

She's obviously not very bright is she?

WankingMonkey · 20/09/2016 23:48

I would be tempted to milk it tbh, invite her round and fan yourself with a wad of 20s and such.

Mind I am not very mature for my age. And also have never had enough notes to make a fan with Grin

CrepeDeChineWag · 20/09/2016 23:52

Why the fuck should she take it on the chin, the woman didn't just show her distain she called her out as a prostitute. Oh but that's ok because she's 'lucky' enough not to have to take paid work. Fucking slag Hmm

AmeliaJack · 21/09/2016 00:09

Take the moral high ground. Invite them.

If they come (which they may not) be a gracious host. If she steps out of line, take her out of the room and quietly explain the standards of behaviour expected from guest in your home.

No high drama required.

brightspark2 · 21/09/2016 00:20

She sounds very defensive regarding her unmarried status - could it be her stick phrase to comfort herself as she faces spinsterhood? Could it be marriage she envies not the money? Methinks she doth protest too much...

AvaCrowder · 21/09/2016 00:24

No I'd befriend her and tell her that I'm actually worth as much as dh.

Then be nice to her. These are your dh mates wags. Just be nice to them. Save it for when you see your mates, bleeps called me a prossie. Jane how ridiculous we know you you started your business blah blah.

TeaPleaseLouise · 21/09/2016 00:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MakeMyWineADouble · 21/09/2016 00:33

I wouldn't have her in my house after that! If anyone asks why I would say she obviously wouldn't want to step foot in a brothel would she? I get social anxiety making you say the wrong thing and I get being nervous I can be I large new social groups but to say someone is a prostitute!! That's nastiness and jealousy IMO

AmeliaJack · 21/09/2016 00:35

TeaPlease it absolutely can. I've done it. People tend to continue to behave badly because we let them (out of politeness usually).

The girlfriend behaved badly for the whole French weekend because neither the OP, her DH or any of her friends stepped in and dealt with it.

A quiet, private chat, where the consequences of continued bad behaviour are outlined in a calm but pointed fashion can be wonderfully effective.

DoinItFine · 21/09/2016 00:39

The girlfriend behaved badly for the whole French weekend because neither the OP, her DH or any of her friends stepped in and dealt with it.

No, she behaved badly because she is an objectionable, unpleasant wagon who has no place at social occasions.

It is nobody's responsibility but her own.

LucyBabs · 21/09/2016 00:44

Oh Christ, people just can't help but be sucked in when money and power are mentioned..

Yes op your friends new girlfriend is the problem..

Italiangreyhound · 21/09/2016 00:52

She sounds awful, Incredibly ignorant and rude.

I'm afraid in your shoes i would need to ring her and tell her how offended I was and give her a chance to make amends. I would also tell her boyfriend his invite to New Year's Even celebrations was under review because she was so rude.

It's perfectly understandable you were all so stunned when it happened no one knew what to say!

LucyBabs · 21/09/2016 01:09

I'm in a parallel universe obvs Shock

Smrendell · 21/09/2016 01:22

Interesting that you consider a group of 4 male school friends who have ALL divorced to be "normal". I am a similar age to you and know very few divorcees.

I know at least a dozen divorcees and they're not even in their 40s yet. Perhaps not normal but it's hardly unusual and doesn't make the OP and her friends any less than people who haven't divorced.

AmeliaJack · 21/09/2016 01:26

Doin I quite agree she sounds deeply unpleasant my point was that someone should have shut her down after that first comment rather than let her carry on putting down the OP all weekend.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 21/09/2016 01:58

Maybe she watched the shopping bit in Pretty Woman and got massively confused.

She doesn't sound very bright.

Even if you think stuff like that you shouldn't say it.

KoalaDownUnder · 21/09/2016 02:05

There are too many gendered insults by outraged people on this thread. I feel the posters insulting her are no better than she is. Maybe even worse.

I agree. God, what an unpleasant thread.

CrepedeChine: 'Fucking slag'. Really??!

People on here love fawning over OPs who they think are enviably wealthy. Apparently the OP sounds 'lovely' and 'classy'. Hmm Who would know? It's almost sickening to watch.

As for Sunshine's comments about childless women: beyond the pale. Do you think men talk about each other like that?

ShtoppenDerFloppen · 21/09/2016 02:06

Visiting my home, I would have shown her the door... as you were away, not as easy a situation. I would, however, have suggested to her partner how much I will miss him at future gatherings.