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AIBU?

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Original poster

I've been called a prostitute!!

276 replies

cavkc123 · 20/09/2016 19:42

Group of friends, 4 couples, known each other for years, the guys went to school together and we're all in our late 40's

We recently all went away renting a house in France for a long weekend. Some of us manage to see each other fairly often, but it's only generally every couple of years that we all manage to get together at the same

One of the chaps has a new girlfriend who we were all meeting for the first time. I know it's horrid coming into formed friendships, but over the years first wives have come and gone and we're certainly not cliquey.

Now DH and I have a very good standard of living, I don't work, we take several holidays a every year blah blah. On the first evening, the new gf asked what I did for a living and someone laughed and said 'shopping', which we all agreed sounded about right! It was all very light hearted, however the new gf said that in her opinion that was the same as being a legal prostitute ... WTF !! No one knew really what to say, so there was an embarrassed laugh and we changed the subject.

She clearly didn't approve of me being a 'kept woman' and she kept having snipes and digs the whole weekend. I was looking at some shoes in a shop window and she asked if I should ask my husband if I could buy them!

Now I don't have to justify myself to her, but she knows absolutely zero about me or my life ... DH and I started a business together, from absolutely nothing, when our kids were babies. I was actually sat at my desk when I went into labour and I was back there 2 weeks later, baby by my side. We both worked incredibly hard and we sold the business 12 years ago for a sum of money which would enable me to give up work.

Our kids were 11 and 12 and it was a good time for us as a family for me to be a sahm. Fast forward 12 years, the kids have graduated and I'm still here ... We love our life and I know I am very very fortunate ... BUT what a horrid thing to say to someone the first time they've met you ... we were going to invite them all to ours for NY but I'm really not keen any more.

Fwiw any money I spent and will continue to spend will be the money that we earned together!!

AIBU to not want this woman in my home??

OP posts:
bummyknocker · 20/09/2016 21:28

Next time you see here, say things like 'when we were setting up our business' and 'having a background in business' and ' 'its feels great to reap the rewards for all my hard work when I was so and so age ' etc.

Jealous, misogynistic woman.

toastedbeagle · 20/09/2016 21:28

I can see why you're aggrieved.

9 years ago I met my (now) DH and his friends accused me of being a gold digger... I found this laughable given I was a Dr who owned a house / car (he rented ) but they helpfully explained that he was going to be rich someday (?!) and that girls would play the long game to get hold of his money in 10 years time.... Of course when I raise this as his wife and mother of two kids they deny ever saying it...'

I expect she was jealous... I agree clear the air somehow.

pallasathena · 20/09/2016 21:30

Have you thought of just putting it all down to experience and moving on? All a bit first world innit?
It all sounds like a massive non-event to be honest. Woman makes a negative remark/assumption, rest of the party sucks in collective breath to fling insults at her.
Feel like saying stop being so smug and judgey yourselves people...

CoolToned · 20/09/2016 21:39

This happened long ago in a third world country. My SIL once said (this was when I just started dating my husband) that I was in it for the money. I came from the province, didn't attend their fancy schools in the city, but my family was well-off.

Several years later, I was just out of med school, didn't have a job yet, and she asked my boyfriend how come I could afford buying all my Havaianas (I had a big collection) when I didn't have a job, insinuating that it was my boyfriend who was buying them for me. I didn't have a proper job, but I was doing well in SEO work that time.

We then moved to another country, she visited us, and she cornered my husband and asked him if he's really happy with me. My husband told her yes he's very happy. She was surprised and told him he didn't need to pretend. He reiterated we're very happy. And we are.

How did I know all these? My husband tells me everything. He's like a kid in a way because he can't lie to me.

Now can anyone blame me for not wanting this woman close?

totalrecall1 · 20/09/2016 21:46

She is jealous. Simple

JennieLee · 20/09/2016 21:49

Although it's hardly civil for your friend's girlfriend to say what she did, perhaps it's a little uncomfortable to feel that others judge your current pleasant lifestyle.

I think to have built up a successful business is praiseworthy, and it's understandable to feel that after years of hard work you want to enjoy the fruits of your labours.

I'd probably judge somebody not for the fact they weren't currently in paid work, but according to the use they made of their leisure time.

If somebody did charitable and/or community work, or was volunteering, studying or doing something creative, my reaction would be to think they were doing brilliantly.

If somebody was mainly shopping, I'd probably smile politely in the situation you describe. But perhaps I would feel slightly unimpressed.

iminshock · 20/09/2016 21:52

Well I have thought exactly that about partners who don't work but would never ever say it out loud.

ForalltheSaints · 20/09/2016 21:53

YANBU.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 20/09/2016 22:00

Gazelda I understand don't worry about it. Not all women want kids but some do but don't get the opportunity and regret it. My cousin regrets it and she compensates by being overly involved or judgemental. She told me that she thinks women over 34 shouldn't have children and that was when I was pregnant. How the op described her she sounds a lot like my cousin but she is older in her 60's.

Whatwhatinthewhatnow · 20/09/2016 22:01

I agree JennieLee. She may feel the same and while rude to say so, might feel that "shopping" all day is a waste of time and brain power. Doesn't make her jealous. Everyone always jumps straight to that conclusion too, but it's simplistic.

MariaCameFromNashville · 20/09/2016 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 20/09/2016 22:06

I'm only guessing what she could be feeling or she could be one of those women who didn't want kids and wanted to work so she could travel the world. Maybe she finds the op strange for being a SAHM with older children. She might be thinking what is she doing all day isn't she bored being a kept woman. I'm a SAHM and its boring she is a teacher after all dealing with all the yummy mummies.

SavageBeauty73 · 20/09/2016 22:06

What a bitch.

VestalVirgin · 20/09/2016 22:12

Your description of her boyfriend says a lot. High powered job but likes women who walk all over him....... Maybe if HE secured the services of a dominant professional in some dark dungeon, he wouldn't have inflict that leather lipped judgey knickers on everyone.

... or he could just find a girlfriend who is able to keep the humiliation in the bedroom.

Seriously though, he probably has some psychological problems if he's attracted to women who treat him that way. I very much doubt it's a kink he consciously seeks partners for.

There's a time and place for commenting on how marriage is like prostitution (and the problems that no doubt still exist with regard to tackling marital rape) but an evening with new people is not it. I strongly suspect there's not an ounce of feminist analysis in her and she just wanted to insult.

magoria · 20/09/2016 22:16

If you have known him that long you could be honest, invite him, say she is NOT invited and why.

Why should you host her?

pinkyredrose · 20/09/2016 22:19

maria I think horrible people are horrible in groups not women!

Hateloggingin · 20/09/2016 22:28

I agree jennielee :)

2kids2dogsnosense · 20/09/2016 22:28

None of her damn businees how you and your husband arrange your domestic life.

It suits you both that you are at home to take care of your children, and you are fortunate enough that your DH earns enough for you to do this and still have a decent standard of living. Your taking care of your family yourself mans that neither of you have to worry about child care and days off school sick etc - your husband benefits as much as you do.

Cheeky cow.

LastGirlOnTheLeft · 20/09/2016 22:33

Maria rubbish!!! I'm a woman and I have NEVER been horrible, in groups or otherwise.

Would you say Chinese people are horrible in groups? Or black people? What about people with disabilities?

No? Then DON'T say it about women!!

AnotherPrickInTheWall · 20/09/2016 22:33

She won't be a GF for much longer. Too outspoken for a woman in her 40's. FWIW I would love to be a stay at home mom and free up my workplace for someone who needs the money.
I'm sure you don't spend all your time shopping; I expect you cook, clean and enjoy being a homemaker.
I'm bet you have lots of hobbies and interest's outside the home too.
You should take this on the chin and be thankful you don't have to take paid work.

Clutterbugsmum · 20/09/2016 22:34

I think your husband should have a quite word with his friend about how rude his new girlfriend was about you and your lifestyle and that you both expect an apology from her for her behavior and her rudeness.

I must admit I was thinking you were going to say that she is a lot younger then the rest of you, and maybe you could perhaps excuse her rudeness, but she sounds like she around the same age.

NataliaOsipova · 20/09/2016 22:35

If somebody did charitable and/or community work, or was volunteering, studying or doing something creative, my reaction would be to think they were doing brilliantly.

Gosh. Now there's an approved list....

Perhaps actually it's none of this woman's business how the OP lives. Just turn it around - if the OP had said to her " Gosh. You have to go and teach other people's children all day. Don't get paid much for that I bet? And why don't you have any of your own?" she'd be (rightly) lambasted. Why is it okay - in any shape or form - the other way round?

LastGirlOnTheLeft · 20/09/2016 22:39

There are too many gendered insults by outraged people on this thread. I feel the posters insulting her are no better than she is. Maybe even worse.

JackandDiane · 20/09/2016 22:41

oh god get a job though op.
You will end up The Most Boring person in the world if you never work again

NataliaOsipova · 20/09/2016 22:43

You will end up The Most Boring person in the world if you never work again

Yes, because working is always so thrilling, exciting and intellectually stimulating that, really, you should pay your boss to do it. Oh - hang on - usually they pay you. Because no one would do it otherwise.

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