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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I've been called a prostitute!!

276 replies

cavkc123 · 20/09/2016 19:42

Group of friends, 4 couples, known each other for years, the guys went to school together and we're all in our late 40's

We recently all went away renting a house in France for a long weekend. Some of us manage to see each other fairly often, but it's only generally every couple of years that we all manage to get together at the same

One of the chaps has a new girlfriend who we were all meeting for the first time. I know it's horrid coming into formed friendships, but over the years first wives have come and gone and we're certainly not cliquey.

Now DH and I have a very good standard of living, I don't work, we take several holidays a every year blah blah. On the first evening, the new gf asked what I did for a living and someone laughed and said 'shopping', which we all agreed sounded about right! It was all very light hearted, however the new gf said that in her opinion that was the same as being a legal prostitute ... WTF !! No one knew really what to say, so there was an embarrassed laugh and we changed the subject.

She clearly didn't approve of me being a 'kept woman' and she kept having snipes and digs the whole weekend. I was looking at some shoes in a shop window and she asked if I should ask my husband if I could buy them!

Now I don't have to justify myself to her, but she knows absolutely zero about me or my life ... DH and I started a business together, from absolutely nothing, when our kids were babies. I was actually sat at my desk when I went into labour and I was back there 2 weeks later, baby by my side. We both worked incredibly hard and we sold the business 12 years ago for a sum of money which would enable me to give up work.

Our kids were 11 and 12 and it was a good time for us as a family for me to be a sahm. Fast forward 12 years, the kids have graduated and I'm still here ... We love our life and I know I am very very fortunate ... BUT what a horrid thing to say to someone the first time they've met you ... we were going to invite them all to ours for NY but I'm really not keen any more.

Fwiw any money I spent and will continue to spend will be the money that we earned together!!

AIBU to not want this woman in my home??

OP posts:
LastGirlOnTheLeft · 20/09/2016 20:51

Thinking about it, is it possible she felt like an outsider and said inappropriate things out of nervousness or anxiety??? Some people have a huge problem with social anxiety and say massively inappropriate things.

I do feel she is envious of you but I'm not sure I would like to cast her as the devil incarnate over a few brief incidents.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 20/09/2016 20:51

Isn't it a coincidence my cousin is also a teacher. She probably wanted children but was to picky and to selfish. She sounds very bitter.

kate33 · 20/09/2016 20:53

My God, to come into an established group of friends for the first time and say something so crass - the mind boggles.She obviously disapproves of you and what she thinks your set up is which is hilarious considering how rude she has been to you! Either that or she is jealous of you and your life. Invite her but don't let her get away with a single comment. Challenge every one she is bound to make. Inform her that you had such a successful career that you were able to have the luxury of being home withv your children. Enjoy your lovely N.Y. E. (If she makes it that long!)with your friends but please put her in her place OP!

thegoodnameshadgone · 20/09/2016 20:53

I thought you were going to say something along the lines of junior this or junior that. I.e someone working they're way up.

She's in her forties!!!! Am without words.

Sorry if it was me of get my best dress on, best food, and wind that bitch up!

Good luck Smile

limitedperiodonly · 20/09/2016 21:00

we're all secretly hoping he gets rid, she reminds us all too much of his ex wife

That's it really. None of you women likes her and any future meetings sound like they would be very awkward, so it wouldn't be very difficult for you all to prevail upon your husbands to uninvite this couple until he drops her.

It's such an unpleasant thing for her to say to you that surely no one would object.

I can't imagine why you would feel compelled to invite her to join you for new year and I think it would be a waste of time to try to lord it over her or to play silly tricks with condoms and sex toys.

Mintybuttons · 20/09/2016 21:00

I agree with pp, she just sounds bitter and jealous.
I'd wind her up, you and your dp will laugh about it afterwards ... 😊

Liara · 20/09/2016 21:01

She was also making a huge assumption in thinking that you weren't paid for your shopping - my highest paid friend shops for a living. She buys clothes for very wealthy clients and charges a % of what they spend. Comes to several thousand a month...

Original poster
cavkc123 · 20/09/2016 21:01

I wouldn't really do the lording over / condoms thing it just sounds good in my head ... tarts and vicars party anyone?

OP posts:
BlueLeopard · 20/09/2016 21:02

Sounds to me like she'll be lucky to last until NY with that attitude before he dumps her. So I think its pointless to worry.

Rumpelstiltskin143 · 20/09/2016 21:04

Next time you see her. Make sure you, very openly, ask your husband for £5, hand it to her and tell her to go buy some grapes, sour ones.

Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse · 20/09/2016 21:05

And along with the condoms, a well thumbed (ooooer) copy of Cynthia Payne's biography on the coffee table.

Original poster
cavkc123 · 20/09/2016 21:05

His ex wife was lovely to the rest of us, but put him down all the time, which is the part that reminds us of her.

He is such a lovely, lovely man, who would do anything for his friends, he has a high powered job but seems to let women talk to him like he's a child. His ex did it and now this one!

OP posts:
WhatLizzyDid · 20/09/2016 21:05

Who the hell even is she? She is jealous and nasty. Very unbecoming!! You are obviously far too classy to stoop to her level - perhaps you could shame her by telling her the whole story next time you see her (without referring to her ridiculous comment) and hopefully she will learn to not see the world in such an egocentric way.

limitedperiodonly · 20/09/2016 21:13

He is such a lovely, lovely man, who would do anything for his friends, he has a high powered job but seems to let women talk to him like he's a child. His ex did it and now this one!

Perhaps he likes that. It's not anything to do with you and your other friends. If you don't like her, don't spend time with her

BerylStreep · 20/09/2016 21:13

Holy moly! What a judgmental nasty piece of work. There is no way I could have kept my trap shut - I would have had to say something along the lines of 'I don't need to justify myself to you, so fuck off you rude cow'

Definitely do not ever invite her to your home - she will spend the time judging and passing bitchy remarks, either whilst there, but definitely afterwards too.

zzzzz · 20/09/2016 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KC225 · 20/09/2016 21:13

Your description of her boyfriend says a lot. High powered job but likes women who walk all over him....... Maybe if HE secured the services of a dominant professional in some dark dungeon, he wouldn't have inflict that leather lipped judgey knickers on everyone.

Madeupforthis · 20/09/2016 21:14

She is rude,I don't think she is necessarily jealous. There are a whole range of emotions, beliefs and values out there. She might find your lifestyle shallow or demeaning, particularly if she is so independent. YANBU though, she is rude.

gillybeanz · 20/09/2016 21:16

I'd have said takes one to know one if she thinks you need to ask your dh to buy you shoes.
maybe that's what she has to do in her relationship.
Or perhaps ask her how much you should charge her boyfriend Grin

Gazelda · 20/09/2016 21:18

I think that YellowDraw has a sensible solution. Invite them so that you can have the NYE party you were planning. Give her the benefit of the doubt, but make sure she knows she was out of line and needs to mind herself.
It might be worth your DH speaking with his friend to say how stunned you were at what his GF said.

Original poster
cavkc123 · 20/09/2016 21:19

I'm afraid I went in and bought the shoes .. not my finest moment but they are pretty

OP posts:
allsfairinlove · 20/09/2016 21:21

Wow. There are no words for such rudeness. FWIW it sounds like you were a fucking fabulous and gracious host for not kicking her out there and then. And YADNBU to never invite her again.

Gazelda · 20/09/2016 21:21

Sunshineonacloudyday maybe I'm mis-reading your posts, but they seem to imply that women who don't have children have 'missed out' and must all be jealous/bitter. Which is a very inaccurate and judgmental viewpoint.
But I apologise if I've misunderstood your posts.

CoolToned · 20/09/2016 21:22

Even if I were a "kept woman" it is my business. I wouldn't want that judgmental bitch to be anywhere near me.

NataliaOsipova · 20/09/2016 21:25

Jesus God! She can't afford your lifestyle and she's jealous as whatnot. There's no way I'd invite her to my house!

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