I've been called a prostitute!!

[cavkc123]

Group of friends, 4 couples, known each other for years, the guys went to school together and we're all in our late 40's

We recently all went away renting a house in France for a long weekend. Some of us manage to see each other fairly often, but it's only generally every couple of years that we all manage to get together at the same

One of the chaps has a new girlfriend who we were all meeting for the first time. I know it's horrid coming into formed friendships, but over the years first wives have come and gone and we're certainly not cliquey.

Now DH and I have a very good standard of living, I don't work, we take several holidays a every year blah blah. On the first evening, the new gf asked what I did for a living and someone laughed and said 'shopping', which we all agreed sounded about right! It was all very light hearted, however the new gf said that in her opinion that was the same as being a legal prostitute ... WTF !! No one knew really what to say, so there was an embarrassed laugh and we changed the subject.

She clearly didn't approve of me being a 'kept woman' and she kept having snipes and digs the whole weekend. I was looking at some shoes in a shop window and she asked if I should ask my husband if I could buy them!

Now I don't have to justify myself to her, but she knows absolutely zero about me or my life ... DH and I started a business together, from absolutely nothing, when our kids were babies. I was actually sat at my desk when I went into labour and I was back there 2 weeks later, baby by my side. We both worked incredibly hard and we sold the business 12 years ago for a sum of money which would enable me to give up work.

Our kids were 11 and 12 and it was a good time for us as a family for me to be a sahm. Fast forward 12 years, the kids have graduated and I'm still here ... We love our life and I know I am very very fortunate ... BUT what a horrid thing to say to someone the first time they've met you ... we were going to invite them all to ours for NY but I'm really not keen any more.

Fwiw any money I spent and will continue to spend will be the money that we earned together!!

AIBU to not want this woman in my home??

"Kept? Oh, you misunderstand. We built a business together, fifty-fifty, and sold it for a very nice sum. I'm just spending what I've already earned."

Or better yet...

"What an interesting assumption."

koala you completely misunderstood the slag comment. It was aimed at the OP not the girlfriend and I was being highly sarcastic i.e. I do not think the OP is a slag (FFS) or a prostitute but clearly the girlfriend does.

No one 's fawning over the OP because she's wealthy. No idea where you got that idea from. I would still think the girlfriend was out of order if the OP was a SAHW and poor and so I would think would everyone else who objects to the OP being called a prostitute.

I agree that comments are about being childless are unnecessary and misplaced.

I'd rather be thought a prostitute than be a judgmental bitch.

On and you are not a 'kept woman' you made a fortune and retired, your dh made a fortune and decided to continue making more money.

I am so pleased that my 8 hour a week job in a high street clothes shop stops me being boring

Imagine just how boring i must have been without out it

Let me tell you all how to straighten hangers and tuck price tickets in...its facsinating

I think I would just say "you perhaps need to fully understand the whole situation before you open mouth and insert foot again, we built a business and sold it so actually I don't need to work because of earlier efforts now invested to make me an income. We talk it down between ourselves and maybe joke a bit but we are not nasty with it. If you want to hang on to xyz you might want to adjust your viewpoint"

She is a vindictive nasty jealous person I would keep well clear. My brother just came out of a relationship with someone who was like this. He is devastated, she has used him and our family for 6 years and yet I knew within an hr of meeting her given what she said to me and my cousin during one car ride.

I don't really understand how it is possible to turn shopping into a major activity in the 21st century.

Forty or fifty years ago, it would involve lots of trips by car or train, the acquisition of catalogues, sending off mail order forms, letters and phonecalls.

Now the internet means the process is a great deal quicker.

Arguably too, one needs to less shopping if money isn't a problem. It's possible to buy good quality clothes which are designed to last. Similarly with household appliances. Rather than getting the cheapest model, you can afford more durable items.There doesn't have to be that time-consuming shopping around to find the special offers.

It might be that if one is - for example - restoring or renovating an old property that was in poor condition, a great deal has to be bought for a particular period of time. But even then, there'll be a point at which the process is complete.

So if somebody who is quite wealthy really does spend a large part of time shopping, I'd tend to guess that they are buying stuff which is not - in any meaningful sense of the word needed. Discarding previous purchases which are fit to use, only in order to buy other, similar - but slightly newer - things.

While, like many people, I sometimes fantasise about being a little better-off than I am, I wouldn't wish to live in this way.

It can be a bit insulating and/or a bit cut-off. Work outside the house, whether paid or unpaid, can be a way of putting you in touch with different people - ones who aren't in your family/social circle.

No way would I be in her company again. I mean you would have to be a masochist, right?

She sounds jealous.

I would LOVE not to have to work, perhaps she is the same and has sour grapes?

Equally, the most boring person I know is one with a very high powered job. He is lovely chap - kind, polite, well meaning. We all love him. But he is incapable of having a conversation that is not about his work. "How are things, Roger?" = half hour lecture on the state of the market and his positions. "Been on holiday, Roger?" = long reply about how busy the coming six months are and which conferences he's speaking at etc etc. "Done anything nice lately, Roger? = long description of the posh restaurant he takes clients to and the firm's Christmas party. You get the drift.....

I suspect the OP's comment about shopping was jokey/facetious - if she's anything like the lady I know in a similar position, she will have loads to do and talk about - this lady is hugely well read (she has the time), knows a lot about politics and art, can chat about where she's been on holiday, what she's seen at the theatre and cinema etc etc. I'd far rather invite her as a dinner guest than Roger!

This is a starter for a sit-com, isn't it, or possibly a murder serial?
I can see Hermione Norris in there somewhere, girlfriend or second wife, with some fairly louche men as the husbands.
Glamorous settings, bitchy dialogue, shady business deals, lots of shopping, what's not to like!

....plus - to revert to the original question of should the OP invite her to her house for NYE - I think the answer is no. I could give the woman the benefit of the doubt if the "legal prostitute" comment had been a one off - who hasn't said something daft/that could be misconstrued/that we wish we hadn't, especially when there is drink involved! Also - she doesn't know you very well, so may just have misjudged the boundaries. That happened once? Then, yes, for the sake of a long standing friendship I would suck it up and give her another chance.

BUT from what the OP said, she continued in this vein all weekend. It's therefore pretty deliberate and calculated. So no way would I invite her - and I'd tell her DP why not. Apart from anything else, if she does come you are bound to be on tenterhooks all night waiting for the jibes, which will just spoil the occasion for everyone.

The mind boggles, it really does! How can someone be a) so very thick and b) such an utter utter bitch??

Over my dead body would she be enjoying my hospitality on NYE or any other time but I am sure you don't want to wobble the group and I quite understand that. If it were me, I would be wanting her to be set straight on the facts and then have a sincere and heartfelt apology in the presence of everyone that she insulted you in front of. and then I'd still be very wary and hate the bitch

Just waiting for the maid to bring my cuppa and the butler to iron the newspapers so I thought I’d catch up on here

The whole point of my original post was ‘Oh my god can you believe that a stranger said this to me’. I have never criticized her lifestyle but she didn’t give me the same courtesy.

I only mentioned her occupation as someone asked, so at the same time, I commented on how she has spent her life … I wasn’t putting her down or being judgemental in any way.

Have you thought of just putting it all down to experience and moving on? All a bit first world innit?

Surely this could apply to the majority of posts on here … I haven’t let it ‘get to me’

If somebody did charitable and/or community work, or was volunteering, studying or doing something creative, my reaction would be to think they were doing brilliantly. If somebody was mainly shopping, I'd probably smile politely in the situation you describe. But perhaps I would feel slightly unimpressed

Well I have thought exactly that about partners who don't work but would never ever say it out loud

oh god get a job though op. You will end up The Most Boring person in the world if you never work again

Not judging me at all then  I haven’t said anything about how I spent my days, it’s certainly not made up purely of shopping, although so what if I did

Interesting that you consider a group of 4 male school friends who have ALL divorced to be "normal". I am a similar age to you and know very few divorcees

Whilst above the national average, it’s still not that surprising and only 3 have divorced

And as for the rest - if shopping, albeit with your own money, is your idea of a fulfilling lifestyle, I wouldn't dream of judging: but perhaps. OP and sympathisers, you could possibly return the compliment?

Where have I judged the GF? I think she has an amazing life

People on here love fawning over OPs who they think are enviably wealthy. Apparently the OP sounds 'lovely' and 'classy'. Who would know? It's almost sickening to watch

Fawning over me … really !!! Is it ‘fawning’ to agree that its bad manners to call someone a prostitute? Her comment had nothing to do with how much money we had, more the fact that shock horror, I didn’t go out to work

I don't really understand how it is possible to turn shopping into a major activity in the 21st century

Of course shopping isn’t my major activity, it’s just a running joke … I was in hospital a while ago and whilst very high on morphine, I messaged said friends to complain that the hospital internet was so slow I couldn’t do any shopping … which was a good thing, I would have come home to all sorts of crap

For those who are concerned that I’m boring, I can assure you I have a very busy and fulfilled life. I look after my elderly parents several days a week and make ALL their meals for them to put in their freezer. I look after and manage numerous properties, including renovations. I still spend 3-4 hours a day at my desk. I do the ‘ladies who lunch’ thing maybe twice a month. My life is hectic but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Off shopping now  …. Oh but to Morrisons, is that allowed?

Well said, OP. (I still wouldn't have her round for NYE, though. But I do bear a grudge!)

Good come back OP. Frankly, you should do with your life what you want (as you point out, its right for you and you are not hurting anyone).

I am a sahm......with school age children......with a cleaner.......and I shop at Waitrose. Dear god shoot me now.

I look after and manage numerous properties, including renovations.

That sounds like actual work OP

Okay, sorry. Some of my comments were off-base (except the one to Sunshine!).

And you're right, OP, what she said to you is completely out of order.

Cora Me too! We should sit and drink coffee together

That sounds like actual work OP

Does a bit doesn't it

Natalia Marvellous. I'll bring some nice biscuits!!

I think being a prostitute (sex worker) might be quite hard work.

Perhaps the uncivil girlfriend of the friend meant 'mistress' or 'kept woman'.

Though - as it now appears - the OP does quite a lot apart from shopping!

OP quit it. you dont have to justify yourself to anyone. If people want to make bitchy comments it just shows they have the maturity of a 14 year old.
Its not your problem.

I can't believe you're getting such a hard time on here OP!

Having read more in your subsequent posts, I think it'd be a real shame if your group didn't get to do NYE because of her, but you can't not invite her. I'd invite her and hope they've split up by then (as you say she puts him down anyway not just being mean!) but in the meantime you've got several months to rehearse all sorts of comebacks if she does it again.

This is a really, really common attitude. I've been called a 'kept woman' and a 'kind of concubine' when I actually left a job because I was too physically unwell to continue for a while. People don't think - they just assume that your status and worth as a person is tied to a job. It isn't. Jobs can be taken away from you by all kinds of things (as in my case). Your worth as an individual is inalienable.

Replace all your light bulbs with red ones for when they come round?