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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think a 10 year old girl shouldn't be encouraged to see herself as "nonbinary"

429 replies

MrsJamin · 19/09/2016 11:44

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-37383914

How is this story so lauded by the right-on BBC? It's so very irresponsible of the parents to persuade a girl that she doesn't need to be a girl. Girls should be told that they are girls, and that doesn't prevent them from liking or doing anything that people say boys should only do. How does she even know what hormone blockers are? She could mess up her health forever by taking hormones in her adolescence. :(

(and yes, another trans thread - I don't care, this is SCARY SHIT right here when girls don't want to be girls)

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 19/09/2016 13:01

It is quite scary let the kids be let them develop don't pin them down and pin a label on them

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 19/09/2016 13:01

Unicorn - can your DD not just see herself as a person and just accept that she can have whatever life she wants regardless of what her body is like. This is what I can't get beyond.

Unicorn34 · 19/09/2016 13:01

Source user5318008 are the consultants at the clinic we attend.
This is NOT something I embrace - I don't enjoy any minute of it, neither does my teen, it IS scary TheLastHeatwave - for the child AND those around them.

I do agree that 10 is too young to label someone - I NEVER label my daughter - they are who they are, whatever colour their hair is, whatever they are wearing, whatever they are playing with - gender and labels should not be given to ANYONE... just let them be who they are and lets stop judging who someone wants to be

ExitPursuedBySpartacus · 19/09/2016 13:02

Heard this on R4 and decided that the lunatics have finally taken over the asylum.

I despair.

Unicorn34 · 19/09/2016 13:03

DoNot... I so wish my DD could just be "who they are" - this has been heartbreaking for us all. When DD gives themselves a label, I say "no, you are you, you don't need a label - just be happy". I hope this is enough but I doubt it. Some kids that my DD is in touch with seem to think that this is "cool" - I can promise you it isn't.

brasty · 19/09/2016 13:03

If transgender was an imbalance of hormones, there would be a physical test for it. The diagnosis criteria is in reality based on asking questions about how someone feels. There is no physical test for it.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 19/09/2016 13:05

' My "son" wishes that they didn't feel like this. It is uncomfortable to have a very large bust that feels like a couple of aliens dancing around EVERY DAY.'

Lots and lots of girls feel like this - it's not unique to trans.

WilLiAmHerschel · 19/09/2016 13:05

"Being transgender is not a choice, it is an imbalance of hormones and chemicals, a bit like any other imbalance."

Unicorn34 I'm sorry your dd is suffering but that simply is not true.

alizondevice · 19/09/2016 13:05

Both sad and scary for the girl concerned and very irresponsible for the indoctrinated parents. I wish the gender lobbyists would just leave children alone.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 19/09/2016 13:05

As I have got older I have seen gender as a more and more toxic concept. The cultural expectations about what being male and female means do people no favours. Like a PP I was a complete tomboy as a child as doing stereotypically boy stuff was more fun. This doesn't mean I have a problem with being female, just with what society labels as normal female behaviour.

Unicorn34 · 19/09/2016 13:05

Unfortunately counseling didn't work, we tried that for 2 years kat

WhateverWillBe · 19/09/2016 13:09

Oh God, i've just listened to the radio broadcast.

The child sounds confused as fuck...hesitating over the descriptive terms they're using. Well rehearsed though, 'I knew mum would be totally supportive' - that kid's been fed that line.

Their reasoning for not wanting to be a girl is because they felt like they didn't fit in with the other girls in the girls yard in school.

The mum includes warning signs such as Leo wanting pirates at their third birthday party and not liking dolls.

FFS. It's awful.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 19/09/2016 13:09

'. Being transgender is not a choice, it is an imbalance of hormones and chemicals, a bit like any other imbalance.'

If the consultants are telling you this you are being lied to, quite honestly.
We don't KNOW what causes it or even if there is a physical cause. There is not a hormonal imbalance involved - that would apply to intersex, not to transgenderism. You cannot test someone's hormones to find out whether they are trans.
It is possible we will discover one day that it is to do with brain development, but that remains yet to be seen.

brasty · 19/09/2016 13:09

One of the issues is that a lot of feelings girls who say they are boys or non binary say they have, are actually common amongst girls. Disgust or fear at getting periods or breasts, hatred at how they are treated as a girl by others, hate of their body - sadly these are very common.

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 19/09/2016 13:10

When Germaine Greer said she didn't think trans women were women at (admittedly some of her language was inflammatory but still) she was vilified for saying what most on this thread believe. Why are these positive, feminist, female voices not being heard?

Soubriquet · 19/09/2016 13:11

The mum includes warning signs such as Leo wanting pirates at their third birthday party and not liking dolls

What a crock of shit

My ds is absolutely obsessed by Elsa. He is 18 months. Anything that has Elsa on he is there in a heart beat. Even if it's a doll. Should I start accepting he was meant to be a girl? No way. He likes a doll. Wow. Big deal. He will grow out of it

MrsJayy · 19/09/2016 13:12

I was a "tom boy' it was really difficult having girls stuff thrown at you or your step dad laughing at you because you were watching boy cartoons I know that might seem flippant but it was bloody annoying I was completely comfortable being a girl I just liked watching x men and playing with noy cousins toys

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 19/09/2016 13:12

BTW Unicorn I am not judging at all, I think you are handling it as a loving, accepting mother and your child is lucky to have you Flowers

I am sorry you feel no choice than to let them use the breast binder but I can't say what I would do in that situation, it must be really hard. Sad

MrsJayy · 19/09/2016 13:13

And climbing trees

Dontyoulovecalpol · 19/09/2016 13:13

Brasty- you actually can't test hormones reliably - even as a adult woman I can't find out what my hormone imbalance actually is- hormones vary so much over weeks and months they aren't just set at certain levels in your body and that's it.

Unicorn I know this isn't easy but has your daughter been able to articulate what they mean by feeling like q boy?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 19/09/2016 13:14

The mum includes warning signs such as Leo wanting pirates at their third birthday party and not liking dolls

Someone once bought me a doll, I buried it in the garden. My action man helicopter on the other hand was a great favourite. My parents didn't think I wasn't female they just thought I was a girl who happened to like "boy's toys".

Unicorn34 · 19/09/2016 13:15

Countess - I don't dispute that. What my child feels is that the boobs should not be there, their periods (which unfortunately started at 10) are alien - they are so uncomfortable in their own body that they find it hard to leave the house.

I have been told by a professional that the imbalances are why my child feels like this, I didn't feel the need to question this information. Maybe it's not right, but I know that this is how my child feels no matter why.

I wish that my daughter wanted to stay as my daughter. I don't believe anyone can know how this feels unless they are going through it... not fun

WinchesterWoman · 19/09/2016 13:17

Yanbu - and the mum is out of order

WinchesterWoman · 19/09/2016 13:19

Unicorn, surely if hormone imbalances make your daughter feel this way, it still doesn't mean she is a boy? It just means something else. The counselling may have made things worse?

titchy · 19/09/2016 13:21

Unicorn please don't dismiss counselling just because it hasn't worked in two years. Keep going, try different counsellors. If your child had an eating disorder, wanted their left leg removed or was bipolar you'd be looking at possibly decades of therapy - this (IMO) is the same and you should be prepared for that length of counselling.