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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you give up your surname of you got married?

925 replies

windowt · 18/09/2016 20:27

I'm so undecided Sad

OP posts:
Togaparties · 18/09/2016 20:55

Total deal breaker for me. No way would I have married a woman who wanted to keep her maiden name. Double barrelling is for pretentious fuckwits IMHO.

WhooooAmI24601 · 18/09/2016 20:56

I took his name when we married. But he wasn't for or against, so I think I was happier doing it knowing it wasn't because he'd demanded it. If he had I'd have stuck to my maiden name out of sheer childishness.

YesItsMeIDontCare · 18/09/2016 20:56

I got married yesterday and I've taken DH's name Grin.

collarsandcuffs · 18/09/2016 20:57

No. I am Miss CollarsandCuffs. It is my identity. Nor would I take the title Mrs.

nicebitofsodaandjam · 18/09/2016 20:58

No way, love my name, and my children have both our names, not hyphenated, Spanish style, so that is fine too! What is nice is that because they're not hyphenated, it's easier to just use one (either one) if they want to when they're older. I have a GREAT name too but it's my feminist principles that made me choose this. But who knows if was called miss wankbadger and he was called mr marvel perhaps principles would have wavered?

Never understand why people say 'wanted to have same name as dc' - why don't you just give dc your name then?

AND just to forestall name change bingo 'but it's just your fathers name, so it's one man's name or another'... Well in that case my DH only has HIS father's name, and much as dfil was a nice guy the two times I met him, I have a much more meaningful and long held bond with my own dad! unless what we are saying is that only men can 'own' names? Also it may have been the done thing that men passed their names down so we all have our father's and our father's father's name, but that doesn't mean that it's not all the more reason to change now to as less patriarchal system if that's what feels right to us.

It does feel a bit tragic when brides clearly leg it into to loo to change their name on Facebook to their married name 14 seconds after the ceremony. Like 'PHEW I'M A MARRIED WOMAN MUST MAKE SURE EVERYONE KNOWS'.

Groovee · 18/09/2016 20:58

I did. My stalker never clicked that I was now under a new name.

nicebitofsodaandjam · 18/09/2016 20:58

That's so interesting toga why do you care so much?

AtSea1979 · 18/09/2016 20:59

No. It's the name of everyone I love so much, my parents and my children. It's a deal breaker for me.

tigerdriverII · 18/09/2016 20:59

First marriage (33 years ago). Yes, didn't think about it. Didn't change my name back on divorce. Kept my first married name when DH and I married (18 years ago) because I'd built up a professional career in that name. DS (14) has DH's surname. Never had a problem with any of this. DH doesn't care.

StillRabbit · 18/09/2016 20:59

I never thought twice about it. I've been Mrs HisName longer than I was Miss DadsName now.

All but one of my married friends have taken their husbands names.

IneedAdinosaurNickname · 18/09/2016 21:00

Yep I would. Much to the disgust of someone I know Hmm
My children have their dad's surname so we already don't have the same name. (This doesn't bother me at all even though people think it 'should')

Ratley · 18/09/2016 21:00

I did, I had nothing against my maiden name but I never considered not changing it.
I've been married 15 years in three years I will have been Mrs Ratley Y the same amount of time I was Miss Ratley X. I have never regretted my decision and I would still make the same one.

ijustwannadance · 18/09/2016 21:00

No. But then I have no desire to get married. Child has DP's name. Wouldn't double barrel either as our surnames rhyme and it sounds ridiculous.
DD has never had an issue with understanding that my name is different.

Soubriquet · 18/09/2016 21:00

Woah that is a vicious response Toga

Why must a woman take your name?

I was happy to take dh's name but if I didn't want to, he was fine with me keeping my own

londonrach · 18/09/2016 21:00

Of course i wanted to have the same name as married and children to have same name. Dont care what anyone thinks but love being the same name as dh!

MalbecAndLindt · 18/09/2016 21:01

Yes I will take OHs name when we get married. I'm also pregnant and the baby (and any other future children) will have his surname.

I also don't plan on returning to work after maternity leave (my choice, with his sup port). But I also believe in my relationship with OH, how solid it is, how he will support us no matter what, and how much we love each other.

A very unpopular stance on MN but I have complete faith in our relationship and I have my reasons for doing things this way.

Jizzomelette · 18/09/2016 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RaeSkywalker · 18/09/2016 21:02

Toga you sound s but threatened by the thought of a woman keeping her own name. I'm curious- why do you think women should give up their names?

SaucyJack · 18/09/2016 21:03

I'll change my name if/when we ever get round to it.

My name isn't my name. It wasn't even my late father's name actually- it's the surname of his much hated stepfather that he acquired at some point along the way.

It holds no sentimental value to me. Just a link to a broken past that I'm happy to move on from.

I chose DP, and to have our family together. I'd be happy to take his name.

WhatTheActualFugg · 18/09/2016 21:04

I did. But only because it was too much of a brain fuck to think of an alternative solution. And because I wasn't that fussed about my maiden surname. It's a bit boring. Like Brown. But less interesting.

Could have double-barrelled for me and DH but the two names are both two-syllable and would just have sounded and looked rubbish.

Or we could have both stayed the same and double barrelled the DCs.

But then what happens if our daughter feels the same when she wants to marry? Is she going to triple barrel? Or is she going to drop one name anyway?

So I changed. I like us all having the same name. I wouldn't have cared who changed. Neither would DH. But I have brothers so there are plenty of Fuggs around. Whereas DH is the only son.

Gaybiesftw · 18/09/2016 21:04

I'm in a same sex relationship and we both have bad relationships with our fathers. We're going to double barrel our mothers maiden names (as a testament to the incredible women they are.) I would never have changed my last name if my partner was a man but might have considered it for a woman (excellent double standards I have there)

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 18/09/2016 21:05

I took my DH's name, I didn't give it much thought. After the wedding I had a hard time coming to terms with my new name (despite being very happily married), I felt like I was turning my back in my roots. My maiden name isn't very common, my married name however is. I'd say it took my a good few months to recognise myself as Mrs married name.

Passmethecrisps · 18/09/2016 21:05

I took myself and my husband by surprise when I decided I would take his name. I regretted it for quite a while but got used to it.

I wanted us all to have the same name

53rdAndBird · 18/09/2016 21:07

I do still have relatives who address Christmas cards etc to Mrs 53rd DHName. They know I didn't change my name, they just think it didn't really count or something Hmm

HalfStar · 18/09/2016 21:09

goodness no.

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