Page 37 | Would you give up your surname of you got married?

Beebeeeight · 22/09/2016 18:47

On my fb c. 65% abandoned their name, c. 10% double barrelled and c. 25% continue to use their birth name.

I hate the phrase 'maiden' name.

We don't call unmarried men's names 'batchelor's' names.

TheGrumpySquirrel · 22/09/2016 20:26

I'm pretty shocked that 99% of my female peers who have gotten married changed their names

A pretty old fashioned sales guy asked me at lunch the other day when I would be updating my business cards to my married name - I cheerily said "never, this is the 21st century!"
He was a bit

'Twas brilliant

DioneTheDiabolist · 23/09/2016 01:06

Most of my peers didn't change their names. Only 2 of my friendship group at school changed theirs.

TheGrumpySquirrel · 23/09/2016 06:28

I think in Italy you legally cannot change your name (without changing your identity - as in become a different person).

KatharinaRosalie · 23/09/2016 08:09

In France, you legally do not change your name, passports etc all stay in your original one. However, you will still become Madam Hisname, whether you want it or not - this will be in all your tax forms, social security, health documents, bank records etc. All very confusing to me.

Hygellig · 23/09/2016 08:22

I don't think women in Iran change their names and that country is not exactly renowned for its feminist credentials. It must have changed in Italy relatively recently (well in the last 50 years) as I was reading a novel set there and the women all changed their names.

Maybe the UK government should change the law so husbands can take their wife's surname just by sending off their marriage certificate? At the moment I think they have to do it by deed poll but I may be wrong.

Loafingaround · 23/09/2016 08:23

A friend's DH insisted she change her surname but he refuses to wear a wedding ring. Disgusting IMO.

53rdAndBird · 23/09/2016 09:26

I think it depends where in the UK you are, Hygellig - men can change their names by just sending off a marriage certificate in Scotland, but not in England or Wales, IIRC. Not sure about NI.

AdaLovelacesCat · 23/09/2016 09:32

" I hate the phrase 'maiden' name. "

me too. It is not my 'maiden name' it my name goddamit.

plutoisnotaplanet · 23/09/2016 09:42

I've pondered this question for ages, engaged now so myself and DP discussed it the other night.

I'm the breadwinner, fiercely independent and unapologetic for that. We split bills at restaurants and always have, I expect nothing financial from him, he'll be the SAHP when we have children and I guess in that sense, we're the opposite of a "traditional" couple.

I felt a bit weird about taking his name because it felt like I was about to give up my identity or something, and also I'd become the new "Mrs Hisname" which is what his Mum is always known as so it felt really, really odd. I told him this and told him I'd be keeping my name, he agreed this was all fine.

Then I woke up one day and felt really really sad at the prospect of not taking his name, and I don't have a clue why. I got really down about us never sharing a family name for some reason and I still can't explain why.

I went back to DP and told him this, and said that actually I think I wanted his name and he was over the moon. He'd been supportive, but inside he'd been gutted I wasn't going to be "mrs hisname" even though he'd said it was all ok.

As soon as I had time later to reflect on the new decision to be "mrs hisname" it just felt better, somehow right.

I don't know why and I'm not usually a believer in woo shite, but I genuinely think you just know what's right with big things like this :)

CatThiefKeith · 23/09/2016 09:55

I did. My maiden name was a very common one, and my married name is quite unusual (in the Uk at least)

Bizarrely, there are 2 people on the whole of FB and someone at MNHQ 'knows' both of us. (We found this out whilst emailing about MN Insight)

duplodancer · 23/09/2016 10:03

I did. Didn't feel that defined by the name and liked the idea of marking a. Ew family beginning.
I've never understood why you'd keep your surname and then let your children have your DH's surname. Seems even more chauvinistic than changing your name to me.
Totally understand keeping your name and double barrelling the kids name though.
I know someone who combined her and DH's names into a brand new surname for the DC, which I liked.

worriedabouthimagain · 23/09/2016 10:11

Changed name and am Mrs because that's what I wanted

Helmetbymidnight · 23/09/2016 10:12

Where has this 94 % of women take their husbands name come from?

I read that it's approx 65 % and a lot depends on the age of the woman with younger women (20s) tending to change while women (30s upwards) tending not to.

Those with penisy/embarrassing names, did you plan to change names whether you married or not?

passingthrough1 · 23/09/2016 10:13

I'd be appalled actually if my partner wanted me to take his name unless of course we was just as willing to give up his. I would never change my name. I don't understand the people who say it's not a big deal, would most men agree to change theirs?
My child has my partner's surname however with mine as a middle. They don't go together as a double barrelled and it was then 50:50.. His name sounds better and he gets on with his family whereas I don't so that's why I guess .. The idea of not having the same as children doesn't bother me so much as the idea that I can have one name for 30 years and am then expected to change it with no such expectation on the man.

Bambambini · 23/09/2016 11:09

"Where has this 94 % of women take their husbands name come from?"

My small hometown possibly.

Helmetbymidnight · 23/09/2016 11:16

HeCantBeSerious · 23/09/2016 11:21

I've never understood why you'd keep your surname and then let your children have your DH's surname. Seems even more chauvinistic than changing your name to me

Both of my children have my surname as a second middle name (which is possibly more permanent than their surnames!). That was non-negotiable.

Personally, having grown them both inside me I don't need to share their surname to be bonded to them. DH didn't have that (and he worked away Mon-Fri through both pregnancies) so them having his name was my gift to him. (Had we double barrelled our names for theirs they would never fit on any official form!).

Mojito7 · 23/09/2016 11:26

I changed my name because I wanted to have his name. It felt right to me and I do admit I didn't give it too much thought tbh. DH is a fairly traditional type in general and if I'd not taken his name he would have probably interpreted it as a sign I didn't really want to be his wife! But anyway, that's just him, by the sound of it

Double- barrelling wouldn't have worked because our names were from different nationalities and would have sounded odd together. However, one of our DS' has my father's name as a middle name and DD has a first name based on my mother's, so it's not all about the surnames necessarily.

OdinsLoveChild · 23/09/2016 11:35

I changed my name because I had really had enough of incorrect spellings and having to spell my name out every single time I spoke to someone. It wasn't even bloody difficult to spell, 2 very simple words just put next to each other think 'highbridge' type name, you know 'high' and 'bridge' just no space between them. Even my high school got it wrong frequently and on my GCSE certificates it's wrong on several.

I changed to my husbands surname which is a 'popular' surname (I went to school with 3 people in my class who have this surname and there were more than a dozen in the whole school with this surname so NOT unusual) and I still get incorrectly addressed letters/emails. I have given up all hope of every receiving a piece of mail with it spelt correctly.

My name doesn't make me as a person so I wasn't bothered about keeping my maiden name. In fact it's annoying when people think you are related to someone 'unsavoury' when you are not and that's very difficult to distance yourself from when you live in a small town.

user1474625604 · 23/09/2016 11:57

I think I would take my husband to be's name. I hate my surname, it's pretty and unique but no-one can say it or spell it and it links me to my father and his family. Also I like that, by both taking one or the other's name, any future children would be the same as well.

DailyMailPenisPieces · 23/09/2016 19:02

I took his name when we married. But he wasn't for or against, so I think I was happier doing it knowing it wasn't because he'd demanded it. If he had I'd have stuck to my maiden name out of sheer childishness This - except if he'd demanded it I wouldn't have married him.

MayMiracle · 27/01/2019 19:12

I did, and was happy too. Most of the people I know have, but I know a few who haven't. My DH and my maiden surname would never have worked as a double barrelled name.

That said my dd Christian name was specifically chosen to go with her/our family surname, and people, often remark on how lovely it is. So I'm a bit of a hypocrite as I'd be really sad if she lost it through marriage. I've only just recognised my own contradiction.

It's all down to personal choice I guess.

AllSuits · 27/01/2019 19:15

I couldn't wait to change mine! For me it was a big benefit to take DH's name.

A close friend kept her name, she felt her surname was part of her heritage.

Neither is right or wrong! Whatever you want :)

BloodyDisgrace · 28/01/2019 11:21

I wanted to do double barrel, his first mine second, but then decided against it on the grounds of time and money spent. So I remained unchanged.