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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you give up your surname of you got married?

925 replies

windowt · 18/09/2016 20:27

I'm so undecided Sad

OP posts:
BrightOranges · 18/09/2016 20:42

No way. My surname is the best. I'm yet to hear one that tops mine Grin

BaggyCheeks · 18/09/2016 20:44

I'll be changing my name, because I can't be doing with the aggro of correcting people every time they assume I have the same surname as the DC. DS is also at the age where he is "My name is Firstname Dad'sName, sister is Hername Dad'sname, daddy is Daddy Dad'sname and you are Mummy Dad'sname", and it causes arguments (as only a 3 year old can have) when I say "almost, I'm "Mummy Myname".

Screenburn · 18/09/2016 20:44

I've always loved my surname - it is unusual, but it's very unique to where I come from, which I like. Luckily I work in a field where it's not unusual to have a work name, so I've always planned to do at least that. Could you do that OP?

DP's surname is AMAZING though, so I'll probably take it in all other circumstances if/when we ever get married. I guess it all depends on how much you like the name!

TheGrumpySquirrel · 18/09/2016 20:45

Nope. Not a chance in hell. The day that as many men change theirs as women, I'd consider the idea.

LineyReborn · 18/09/2016 20:46

No.

DioneTheDiabolist · 18/09/2016 20:46

I did. And kept the name, even though I left the man.Grin

Mari50 · 18/09/2016 20:46

I didn't but my mum sent me a cheque in my 'married' name about a year into marriage and I was so skint I changed my name so I could cash it (why I didn't ask her to write another escapes me)
We got divorced 3 years later and the hassle changing back was beyond belief, 14 years later I still have a credit card in my married name because I lost interest changing them all back. I actually only changed my name back to my maiden name 5 years after when I fell pregnant because it seemed inappropriate to give my child 'my' surname when it was my ex husbands (she wasn't getting her dads surname)

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 18/09/2016 20:46

20 years ago I did.

But I wouldn't now (probably because my inlaws are arseholes and I don't like sharing their name).

Trinpy · 18/09/2016 20:47

I kept my name and the dcs have both names but with no hyphen. We only use both surnames on official stuff, otherwise we use whichever surname matches the parent with them - so if dh is taking one of them to swimming lessons then he signs them up just with his surname and vice versa.

It is up to them whether they keep both names or just use one when they're old enough to have an opinion on it. I wouldn't be offended if they dropped mine.

minatiae · 18/09/2016 20:47

Yes, but stick to maiden name professionally. I am known by my name professionally and don't want to lose the association between my work and my name for the already published work. Maybe if it had been earlier in my career and I only had one or two publications I'd have changed it professionally, but it's too late now.

5madthings · 18/09/2016 20:47

No, we got married last year after 17 yes together. Would have preferred a civil partnership but that's not looking likely to change legally and despite having wills, and all financial stuff sorted we wanted the protections of marriage and it felt the right time and thing to do.

But no way was I changing my name, the madthings are double barrelled. they can choose what to do with their names themselves I'm not bothered.

MidMay · 18/09/2016 20:48

I did but previous surname wasn't my birth name and contact with DSF had broken down so happy for a new identity.

sonlypuppyfat · 18/09/2016 20:48

I had a brilliant surname but gave it up for a crappy common one

Crazycatladyloz82 · 18/09/2016 20:49

I kept mine. DD has my surname as her middle name

Musicaltheatremum · 18/09/2016 20:50

I took my husband's name for everyday but kept my maiden name for work. Means I am Dr C and Mrs R. Kids have dads name. Passport in Mrs R with "professionally known as Dr C" endorsed. I delighted in taking my husband's name. We were a great team. He died 4.5 years ago and I'm still proud to take the name.

MyBreadIsEggy · 18/09/2016 20:51

I changed my name to DH's surname when we got married. Never really crossed my mind to keep my name, and even if it had, I would have still changed it to DH's name

Sn0tnose · 18/09/2016 20:51

I didn't. I know it bothers DH and I know he'd be happier if I'd take his name, especially as lots of our friends have recently married and he's seen all the brides changing their names except me. He doesn't put any pressure on me to change it though. I had absolutely no problem standing in a church and making vows to love and honour him for the rest of my life, because I have every intention of sticking to those vows. I just don't see why I have to change my name to do that.

What I have found surprising is the sheer number of people who are shocked that I haven't done it. Someone called me Mrs DH a little while ago and when DH said I wasn't, they assumed it was because I hadn't got around to changing my passport and bank details yet. It's like people believe your marriage is somehow less valid if you don't change your name.

Lillagroda · 18/09/2016 20:52

I did. I hadn't intended to, but not for any real reason other than the admin, frankly. One day it came up in conversation and it turned out it mattered to him. A little. So I did, given I didn't really mind and it made him happy. He doesn't ask for much, ever. In fact, he didn't ask for that, either, just said he would like it if I did and left it to me.

I am myself no matter what I call myself. It was my choice. He does not own me, and knows it. So why not?

Until recent events, I had the occasional twinge of regret that I now have a British surname and am no longer obviously from somewhere else - like a loss of something that made me different (my first name exists in English, but my surname was very clearly French).

Sadly, these days it makes me feel safer to have a British name.

spicyfajitas · 18/09/2016 20:52

Nope. I kept my surname. My children got my husband's surname as the whole name thing seemed more important to him then me. One of my children wants to change to mine as they prefer it. That's fine too.

Katkin14 · 18/09/2016 20:53

My husband and I both double barrelled and took each other's surnames names when we got married. I was born with a double barrelled surname, and as triple barrelling his surname on to mine seemed excessive, I picked one of my two surnames (that meant the most and sounded the best in combination) to join to his. So I don't think the problem of what you do when a double barrel marries a single or even double barrel is as insurmountable as some people think.

Olddear · 18/09/2016 20:53

I didn't change mine. It goes much better with my Christian name than my 'married' name does. No kids so no problem there. I like being the name I was given at birth.

RaeSkywalker · 18/09/2016 20:53

I had no intention of changing my name (I appreciate that it's 'just' the name I was given at birth, but it's been part of my identity for all of that time, and very few people expect a man to give up his name). DH was fine with that, but ideally wanted us to have the same name, and suggested that we both double barrell our names. Works for us.

I think that it's a really personal decision for each couple and would never judge either way.

justilou · 18/09/2016 20:53

I did and I secretly wish I didn't... only because I prefer my name. When I return to work, I shall reinstate it.

53rdAndBird · 18/09/2016 20:54

Didn't change mine. I was born with it, it's mine, I have no interest in changing it.

I do know a lot of women who did change theirs, and that's their call - but it's funny how many said "it's only a name, it doesn't matter that much!" and yet their husbands never even considered changing their names...

BieneBiene · 18/09/2016 20:54

We chose a new one together.