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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To turn up to a party with a younger sibling

155 replies

kittymamma · 18/09/2016 10:10

So, party season is here (all my DD friend's birthday's seem to be this half term!) and we have one this morning, however, it has only just occurred to me that I have DS with me too (8 months old) and no alternative provisions for him to be elsewhere.

Is it socially acceptable to turn up to a child's birthday party with a younger sibling? For my DD party a few months ago, I assumed one parent would (and explained to her how she would get her other two in for free due to age), 1 parent messaged me before hand to ask if it was ok and another just turned up with an older sibling, it wasn't a problem for me as I had catered for adults too and the older siblings joined the adult bunch. But is it ok for me to do this today? I honestly hadn't thought about it until now. It is my childminder's son's party so I'm hoping she will assume that but I didn't think of it until now (party in less than 2 hours).

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 18/09/2016 17:33

Sorry, are you seriously saying that 9 year olds round your way have parents stay at parties?

I don't buy that.

Are you one of those parents who thinks that your other child is missing out terribly when one is invited to a party??

FrancisCrawford · 18/09/2016 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SnookieSnooks · 18/09/2016 18:07

It's fine to bring a baby.

RatOnnaStick · 18/09/2016 18:07

For the record, at today's party mentioned upthread for my DS1 (6):

There were 18 children in attendance at soft play & disco, mostly aged 5, a couple younger.

Only one child was dropped off and left. He didn't look over happy about that but I kept an eye on him and he was mostly ok. Bit wobbly to start with but no tears.

Two children were left to go into the party room while parents fed siblings. One of those was unhappy to go alone so he brought his big sister in with him (fine). The other ran in without a second glance.

Drop and Run isn't usual yet around here.

GrumpyMummy123 · 18/09/2016 18:26

As everyone else has said generally babe's in arms are fine. Beyond that I'd say to ask the host and make sure they know in advance but it depends on the party if it's rude or not.

I'm just planning my 3 year old's party and as so young I've really just invited the parents (my mummy friends) round for a play date but with balloons, decorations and party tea. I expect several other halves to come to come too and assuming all the siblings are coming too. No problem. But am I wondering what to do about party bags! Should I do them for ALL the siblings even 1yr old's and 6 yr olds? Or just the kids that are my DS 'friends' I.e same age.

If it was soft play or something like that I'd be a bit annoyed if anyone brought a sibling along who would join in, even if they paid and didn't put me out of pocket, without telling me in advance! I probably wouldn't have an issue but I'd just want to know in case a limit on numbers etc. Having other ages there changes the dynamics.

RichardBucket · 18/09/2016 18:34

Runs Shock You really can't do that without asking. And you ask before the party, don't just turn up with a sibling and ask the host with the child standing right there.

Same goes to the people defending that behaviour. Please stop it!

KC225 · 18/09/2016 18:50

Grumpymummy. Unless you have specified the 6 year old siblings can come, I would just get some packets of sweets like haribo or the like for them to take at the end of the party. It's your DD's party for three year old they are the party guests don't be making bags up for all ages.

Floggingmolly · 18/09/2016 19:00

Ah, see I would do them for all the kids in this instance, Grumpy. It's your "mummy friends" and their families who are invited, not just the ones who happen to be three... A tub of bubbles and a few sweets will suit all ages and won't break the bank.

ChocolateWombat · 18/09/2016 19:19

I agree. If there is a party which is a family event or a family friends, rather than just child's friends events, ALL the kids are invited guests, not just those of the same age. Perhaps events like that don't need party bags at all (depends on age and if it is their only party or an extra one) but if there are bags, all should have something - could be v simple. Bear in mind the numbers of kids when deciding what to put in the bags - if there are loads, you'll probably want to make them cheaper and simpler. All fine.

Lapinlapin · 18/09/2016 19:30

Floggingmolly that's very rude to say that my comment is 'absolute tosh'. I merely said that in my limited experience of small children's parties, younger siblings have been welcomed. For all I know, the parents agreed it in advance. I was just saying it's not unusual for younger ones to be there. Your experience might be different but it doesn't make mine wrong.

In no way does saying that people are friendly mean that others are unfriendly Hmm

You've totally read that in yourself.

I agree that in most cases there's no need for older children to go to parties and I'm just as shocked as everyone else about the horse riding example. That's plain rude.

I do think there's been a lot of unkindness on this thread though.

nooka · 18/09/2016 19:53

I don't think I'd do party bags at all for three year olds, especially for a party that's really for your friends plus their children. Perhaps just have a basket with little treats of some sort and offer it to each family?

FeelingSmurfy · 19/09/2016 01:00

Grumpy I would do bubbles, soft sweets (marshmallows or buttons) and a piece of cake, suits all ages and you could do loads and it won't cost too much and any left I'm sure you will use the contents

Buy two cakes, cut one up and put in the bags before hand, then use the other cake for blowing candles out and family.

Jojofjo44 · 19/09/2016 17:43

Babes in arms is acceptable. Until they are fully mobile I'd say. But taking any other children to me is rude, I wouldn't entertain it. If parents brought other siblings I would be annoyed and me being me would tell them so. Whether they need food /join in (even if you pay) is insignificant, it's the belief that anyone would think it's acceptable to take any uninvited children with them that's wrong.

agapanthii · 19/09/2016 18:21

I cannot understand how it's fine to leave your kids at school for a whole day but not ok to leave them with pretty much the exact same group of kids for a 2 hour party, usually with at least 4 adults in situ. Especially if there is an accomplished entertainer who is good at keeping them all occupied for the duration of the party. I'd drop and go.

sexyfish · 19/09/2016 18:23

If the party is for 6 year olds I would drop and go unless asked not to which has never happened to me. I'm surprised that most of the parents stayed until a long distance to travel.

I have brought siblings to parties quite a few times over the years as my DH works long hours including weekends and there is no one else to look after them. If the child was v young and I really needed to stay the other children were under strict instructions that they were not to eat the food, the party was for the specified sibling, etc. On most occasions, the parents have offered the other children food and sometimes a party bag. I absolutely don't expect this and usually tell them not to worry but they generally persist in offering.

jojo I would think you were very rude if you told me off for bringing another child even if they were behaving well and not eating your food.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 19/09/2016 18:27

It's the done thing in my area to bring siblings and normally both parents if it's a hall style party but that's because generally half the children are related. It tends to be an open house style of thing and everyone gets catered for including parents. Before anyone jumps on me and tries to disagree I would like to point out that I do not take a sibling with me nor have I come across this style of party anywhere else I have lived. I will however cater for about double the number I'm inviting for my dd birthday just to be on the safe side.

Floggingmolly · 19/09/2016 18:55

But you'd be the rude one, sexyfish, why can't you see that? Confused
What happens if all 30/40 guests brought along one or two siblings each? That could easily bump them over the maximum numbers for safety / insurance purposes, in addition to changing the dynamics completely.
Different age groups, entertainer having to manage a crowd potentially three times the agreed size (they absolutely will charge extra for this, btw), three times the amount of kids vying for space on the bouncy castle, etc.
Total mayhem! It's not just about not eating the food Hmm
That is absolutely not your decision to make. In fact, it's quite socially backward, if you don't mind me saying so.

Lazyafternoon · 19/09/2016 19:12

I agree exactly Floggingmolly

I'm doing a party for my DS plus about 6 friends. Due to the nature of my invite (addressed to the my friends, the parents, to come and celebrate DS's birthday with a little party at home) I AM expecting the younger siblings and parents so will cater accordingly. But I also know that that's as many people I can fit in the house!!! I also know the ages of the siblings and know the party and toys will be suitable (nothing dangerous etc).

However, if I'd booked a hall with bouncy castle or anything for a set number of children I would have done the invites to the named children and only expect that child to attend (plus 1 parent). E.g. I have an invite a party for DSs friend - it is addressed to him and 'signed' from the child. I am also friends with the mum and know she has organised an age appropriate entertainment that is booked and paid for a specific number of children. She would be mighty annoyed if extra kids turned up without checking with her first! But is as much about capacity and it being age appropriate etc than the cost though.

Peace74 · 19/09/2016 19:12

Can I ask what people do if they don't have childcare for other siblings. My daughter has just started reception so I need help. I can't always drop and run if she's nervous. And in a public place i.e. Soft play no way am I leaving her. I feel sad not letting her go? But I really don't want to upset hosts. (Parents who I'm going to see daily for six years 🙄)

Waltermittythesequel · 19/09/2016 19:13

You would think someone rude to point out that you'd decided to invite extra kids to their party sexyfish??? Wow!

Waltermittythesequel · 19/09/2016 19:16

Soft play is fine Peace because you can pay for your other child and sit seperately to the party/buy them food to eat at the table.

It's people decided that their other dc are invited and rocking up expecting them to be at the party that's the problem. And a weak protest about them not needing food is bullshit, frankly, since most hosts would be guilted into letting them join in.

Also, a poster up thread apparently can't leave her 9yr old unsupervised by herself and her other dc. Hmm

I think if you get to that point you should probably stop accepting invitations.

Some people on here seem to forget that it's not obligatory for their dc to attend parties. So the 'no alternative' thing doesn't really wash.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 19/09/2016 19:17

I would think you were very rude if you told me off for bringing another child even if they were behaving well and not eating your food

I would think you were very rude for bringing siblings, without asking if it's ok.

totalrecall1 · 19/09/2016 19:27

Agapanthii - at school everyone is CB checked. In a public area they are not. I would definitely drop and run with a child over 8, but under 8 I stay if they are in a public place where not party goers can go. If it's a private party I would drop and run. I wouldn't leave a 5 year old somewhere that anyone could enter

totalrecall1 · 19/09/2016 19:28

OP YANBU taking the baby !

mummafresh · 19/09/2016 19:34

I would ask before taking a sibling along. Before I changed DD and DS school they were always invited together as parents new they were siblings

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