To turn up to a party with a younger sibling

[kittymamma]

So, party season is here (all my DD friend's birthday's seem to be this half term!) and we have one this morning, however, it has only just occurred to me that I have DS with me too (8 months old) and no alternative provisions for him to be elsewhere.

Is it socially acceptable to turn up to a child's birthday party with a younger sibling? For my DD party a few months ago, I assumed one parent would (and explained to her how she would get her other two in for free due to age), 1 parent messaged me before hand to ask if it was ok and another just turned up with an older sibling, it wasn't a problem for me as I had catered for adults too and the older siblings joined the adult bunch. But is it ok for me to do this today? I honestly hadn't thought about it until now. It is my childminder's son's party so I'm hoping she will assume that but I didn't think of it until now (party in less than 2 hours).

Okay, DS2 (2) is invited to a party at a soft play centre next week. It will still be open to the public, not close for exclusive use of the party IYSWIM. Is it socially acceptable to take DS1 (4) pay him in to play, buy him a meal to eat at our table whilst DS1 goes into the party room for games/food/party bag? DS1 will just be one of the many other dozens of children in the soft play centre that isn't part of the party. That's okay, right?

NotSaying Yes, that's totally acceptable.

I'm sure it's fine. But can I ask why you won't just drop your ds off and leave?

Just curious!

Baby is fine. At DD party (8th), her best friends mum turned up with her 5 and 11 year old too! Really annoyed me (luckily it was just a home party with (junk) food and games, and a balloon man but still it meant a last minute panic to find two other party bags.

I'd probably just ring first and ask. I'm sure the parents will be fine with you bringing an 8 month old along.

Maybe you shouldn't have tried so hard to cobble together extra party bags, maddie. Hard on the kids, but she'll do it again now she knows it's ok.

Did she say anything about it maddie??

NotSaying, I think that's completely fine.

I wouldn't drop a 2yr old and run either.

She never said a word and I was too busy rushing around to ask her, plus I kept thinking she was just hanging around for a bit then leaving as I wasn't expecting/or asked parents to stay as it was just ten 7/8 year olds, me, our then Aussie au-pair and one of her fellow aupair friends doing the party ourselves. I never really got the "parents staying" thing right from DD's first party at six years old. To be fair she did sort of help out a bit but I was just not expecting her to stay. Her other daughters were so beautifully behaved (the 11 year old was great with them all too) I couldn't not give them a party bag.

runs

Sorry NotSaying I didn't see that your ds was only two.

maddie I wouldn't have left them without a party bag either but it would have driven me mad!

Jesus Christ runs..... your party etiquette leaves a lot to be desired. Your poor kids must be so embarrassed!!

Some people are so breathtakingly rude.

NotSaying that's absolutely fine. Mind you the parents must be mental to hold a soft play party for a 2 year old. Seems very young. Bet you some parents will drop and leave and that's a hell of a responsibility.

Totally fine, I am not sure what your childminder would expect you to do with an 8 month old.

runs you seriously think it's ok for your child to eat left overs? at a party they weren't invited to? you are that mother!

I've taken baby to a an older siblings party but even at 20mo I wouldn't take ds2 to a party ds1 was attending anywhere but a soft play. if I couldn't find childcare and was expected to stay I would definitely speak to the parent organising first

I've done loads of parties for my kids and very often siblings end up coming too. The parent usually checks this is OK and I always say yes.

With my dd who is nearly 12 it is different, we don't have uninvited siblings now, not for a few years but with 6 year old ds it is totally standard.

I think it is very common for mums or dads not to be able to find alternative care for other siblings so it is often leave kid or stay and sibling stays, for six and under I would much rather the parent stayed, especially with a bouncy castle party.

I really can't quite see what all the fuss is about what runs has said!

Lots of people being unpleasant on Mumsnet as usual.

At my kids party people brought siblings and I made room for them and provided food, because there was SO MUCH FOOD.

Really siblings at a party is a normal thing here.

I was totally happy for siblings to have some too.

'Leftovers' aren't things on people's plates they are the massive glut of food on separate plates on the table that will be packed up and taken home or thrown away. I was delighted any kids wanted to help eat the food.

Runs you are welcome to my kids parties!

NotSaying - I did exactly that yesterday and it worked really well. Both kids run if around like loons and then the party trooped off to the room and DS stayed with me where I ordered him some food. The guests reappeared about 45 minutes later and that was that! DS did get a bonus piece of cake but that was given in a napkin as they left.

Very different to what Runs does which is taking it to a whole other level

runs, as a relatively new parent, you're the type of mum I dread coming across when my child is older, and having big parties. That's not ok behaviour, I'm so suprise no one has pointed that out to you before now.

Op, I'm sure you'd be fine with a baby, though obviously polite to check first.

Ds1's 6th birthday party has just finished at the local soft play. I was fine with siblings as long as they didn't expect to be fed or get a party bag.

I don't think people are being nasty to runs for the sake of it, I think I'd genuinely feel awkward about a parent expecting their child to attend but not participate in a party, and to not eat when all other children are eating, then pick at left overs, especially as all it would really take to make the situation enjoyable for everyone is a quick text 'thanks for inviting x to the party, unfortunately I am unable to find childcare for y, would I either be able to bring y and contribute accordingly, or drop x off and pick them up? sorry for inconvenience, thanks'

The only time I've semi-crashed a party was when it was after school, so no DH available, and held an hour away from home in a play barn in the middle of nowhere. I didn't feel I had any option other than to pay in younger DC, let him play on his own and buy him some food. He had a lovely time playing but the party givers gave me a bit of a look and offered to let him eat the party food in a way that implied I'd guilted them into it in a passive aggressive way .

This is why I hate kids parties. So many unwritten rules - so many ways of offending people.

I can't wait until dd is old enough to drop and run!

It's fine to take a baby but even better to bugger off and leave the hosts to it.

Runs - for the sake of your children, please stop it. I don't want to be mean for the sake of it, but your behaviour is unacceptable.

somekindofmother Re "I don't think people are being nasty to runs for the sake of it, I think I'd genuinely feel awkward about a parent expecting their child to attend but not participate in a party, and to not eat when all other children are eating, then pick at left overs, especially as all it would really take to make the situation enjoyable for everyone is a quick text" etc... well yes, I would be happy for a person to bring a sibling and would appreciate a note that that is going to happen but in the real world people do turn up at parties with siblings, unanounced.

Any new parents expecting this not to happen are possibly in for shock.

We hired the village hall for our dd's 3 birthday party and we literally filled the hall wit her friends, their parents and siblings, people did tell us once the kids arrived. But at a recent party for my son there were siblings there and I did not even know the name of one. So I took it in my stride and made sure there was space at the table for all kids present.

If runs child can to my kids party as a sibling I would invite them to join in.

Whether people are being mean on purpose or not, only they know that. But the tone on MN is frequently to be quite unpleasant in tone, in a way I do not think they would use in real life with people who knew who they were. But then again maybe I am totally wrong and they are just expressing themselves as they do in real life. Who knows! Real life kids parties do not always go plan, I think it is better to prepare for that, and not to feel negative towards people who have to bring a sibling to a party, who knows when it may be our own kid who is attending uninvited!